Is infidelity really about sex - or is it a symptom of something much deeper?

When we hear the word infidelity, most of us immediately think betrayal, broken trust, and relationship-ending behaviour. But what if the affair wasn’t actually the beginning of the story? What if it was the final expression of patterns that had been quietly forming long before anyone crossed the line?

In this thought-provoking conversation, I sit down with Psychotherapist and Author Chad Taylor to explore the psychology behind infidelity through a completely different lens. Together, we unpack why cheating is often less about the other person and more about our relationship with ourselves.

This episode is not about excusing infidelity or minimising the pain it causes. Accountability always maters. Instead, its about understanding the unconscious patterns, unmet needs and emotional disconnection that can drive behaviours we later regret - and why genuine healing requires far more than simply changing partners.

Whether you’ve experienced betrayal, are rebuilding trust, or simply want to better understand human behaviour and relationships, this conversation offers powerful insights into self-awareness, emotional responsibility and lasting personal growth.

Key takeaways

• Why infidelity is often a symptom of deeper emotional disconnection rather than simply a moral failure

• How unconscious patterns, unmet emotional needs and validation seeking share our relationships
• The subtle forms of infidelity that often begin long before a physical affair
• Why self-awareness, accountability and emotional responsibility are essential for breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
• What it actually takes for a relationship to recover after betrayal
• Practical ways to strengthen connection and prevent emotional distance from growing over time

Timestamps

• 00:00 - Why we need to look beyond behaviour or infidelity

• 05:20 - The psychology of disconnection, unmet needs and unconscious patterns

• 13:10 - Emotional affairs, micro-infidelities and the behaviours we often overlook

• 23:05 - Accountability vs avoidance: Can people really change after betrayal?

• 30:00 - Can relationships recover after infidelity? What rebuilding trust actually requires

• 38:20 - Chad’s approach to developing self-awareness through ongoing personal growth

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love it if you shared it with someone who might need to hear it. And don’t forget to follow Grow As I Go on Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Connect with Chad Taylor

If you’d like to learn more about Chad’s work, you can find his newly released book ‘It’s You. Oh F*ck. It’s Me’ on Amazon.

Chad also hosts his own podcast, where he explores relationships, self-awareness and the unconscious patterns that shape our lies and runs a weekly online therapy group designed to help people develop greater self-awareness in a safe supportive environment. @chadtaylor.itsyou

In this episode, we explore the idea of emotional walls - the invisible coping mechanisms we build after difficult experiences, and how they can quietly shape our relationships, reactions and sense of self long after the original pain has passed.

You might feel 'fine' about something, until suddenly you're not. You might overreact, shut down, become overly busy, over controlling, or withdraw completely - without really understanding why.

This episode unpacks the psychology behind those responses and brings awareness to the patterns we often mistake for personality traits, when in reality they are learned emotional protection strategies.

If you've ever wondered;

- Why do I shut down in conflict?

- Why do I get so defensive or overwhelmed so quickly?

- Why do I avoid difficult conversations or emotions?

- Why do I overthink, people-please, or stay constantly busy?

This conversation will help you start to understand the why behind the behaviour.

Key Takeaways

• Emotional reactions are often rooted in past experiences, not present situations
• Emotional walls are protective coping mechanisms, not personality flaws
• Unprocessed emotions don't disappear - they show up as behaviours
• Common behaviours like busyness or control, or ''I'm fine'' are emotional strategies
• You can not selectively numb emotion
• Self-awareness is the key to emotional growth and change
• Awareness creates choice - not pressure to immediately change

Timestamps

• 00:43 - Introduction - Why we're talking about emotional walls
• 01:13 - What emotional walls actually are
• 02:24 - How emotional walls are formed (childhood, trauma and lived experience)
• 07:08 - Common emotional wall behaviours we don't recognise
• 12:30 - The hidden cost of emotional suppression and avoidance
• 17:31 - Self-awareness, emotional triggers and accountability
• 20:17 - The mirror exercise: understanding emotional patterns
• 22:14 - Closing message: You are not your coping mechanisms

Brenee Brown TED Talk

https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o?si=pq3toXzZYzMbfrlH

Connect with Grow As I Go

Follow the show on Instagram @growasigopodcast and wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Are you actually happy?

It’s a simple question that often has a surprisingly complicated answer.

In this episode of Grow As I Go, Amy invites you to step off the treadmill of daily life and complete a personal Happiness Audit - a practical self-reflection exercise designed to help you assess the areas of your life that most influence your wellbeing, fulfillment, and overall happiness.

Rather than chasing happiness as a destination, this episode explores how happiness is something we nurture, revisit, and intentionally create throughout different seasons of life.

Together, we’ll explore five key areas that research and lived experience suggest have a significant impact on happiness.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, stuck on autopilot, overwhelmed by responsibilities, or simply curious about how you’re really doing, this episode is your invitation to pause, reflect, and reconnect with what matters most.

Key Takeaways

• Happiness is not a permanent state: Happiness isn't something we achieve once and keep forever. It requires ongoing attention, reflection, and nurturing throughout different seasons of life.
• Relationship are one of the strongest predictors of happiness: Meaningful connection matters more than wealth, status, or achievement. Investing in the people who energise and support you can significantly improve wellbeing.
• What feels like a happiness problem may actually be an energy problem: Poor sleep, stress, unhealthy habits, and exhaustion can dramatically impact mood, perspective, and enjoyment of life.
• Purpose doesn't have to be grand: purpose isn't necessarily changing the world. It's having something meaningful that aligns with your values.
• Joy deserves to be scheduled: Many adults prioritise responsibilities while neglecting fun. Small moments of joy often have a bigger impact on happiness than major milestones.
• Your mindset shapes your experience: The stories you tell yourself, your level of self-compassion, and your tendency toward comparison can significantly influence how happy and fulfilled you feel.

Timestamps

• 00:00 - Why happiness is more complicated than it seems
• 02:27 - Relationships: the strongest predictor of happiness
• 08:11 - Health and Energy: Is it exhaustion or unhappiness?
• 10:06 - Purpose and Growth: Finding meaning in everyday life
• 12:46 - Joy, fun and the moments we forget to prioritise
• 16:30 - Mindset, comparison, and moving goalposts
• 18:05 - Bringing the Happiness Audit together

Happiness Audit Questions

1. Relationships and Connection

• Who are the people in your life that make you feel energised?
• Are you making enough time for these people

• Are you actively investing in the relationships that matter most?
• When was the last meaningful conversation you had?

2. Health and Energy

• How am I really feeling physically?
• Do I wake up feeling restored most days?
• What habits are helping my energy levels right now?
• What habits are draining my energy levels?

3. Purpose and Growth

• What gives me a sense of meaning and purpose?
• Am I growing in any area of my life?
• What am I excited about?
• Where have I become stuck on autopilot?

4. Joy and Fun

• What do I do purely because I love it?
• When was the last time I laughed really hard?
• Have I accidentally removed too much fun from my life?
• What am I looking forward to?
• Where can I create more moments of joy in everyday life?

5. Mindset and Self-Talk

• How do I speak to myself on a daily basis?
• Am I constantly focused on what’s missing?
• Am I comparing my life to someone else’s highlight reel?
• What would change if I appreciated what I already have while still pursuing my goals?

Connect With Grow As I Go

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might benefit from taking a moment to pause and reflect.

Follow Grow As I Go for weekly conversations about personal growth, self-awareness, mindset, leadership, relationships, and navigating life’s messy middle.

Remember: Happiness isn’t something you find. It’s something you practice.