Coming out as bi+ doesn't come with a deadline.

If you came out (or you're still coming out) at 30, 50, 70, or any age that didn't match the storybook teen-coming-out timeline, this episode is for you. We want this to be a big warm hug.

Steve and Chad sit with the full range of what coming out later actually feels like. As Steve puts it on this episode, "all of these things can be true at once. It can be great, it can be amazing, it could be awful, it can be horrible, it can mean nothing, it can mean everything." Relief, panic, limbo, grief, pride, sometimes all in the same week.

We talk about telling your spouse, family, and friends, why you don't owe everyone the same level of access to your identity, the AIB model and split attraction, the grief of paths not taken, and how we talk about the lives we did or didn't live.

Out to a handful is still out. Later doesn't mean less. Forward this to whoever needs it.

---

🔗 Read this month's column at the Star Observer: "No Script For This" by Chad → https://tinyurl.com/ycynw88w

📚 Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Bisexual Killjoy podcast → https://www.bisexualkilljoy.com/

• Star Observer on Leigh Ryswyk → https://tinyurl.com/5n8sb4c6

🎧 If this one resonated, our back catalogue has more:

• Ep 7 *Coming Out as Bisexual in 2024* — the baseline coming-out conversation

• Ep 3 *Bisexual Visibility and Generational Shifts* — language and scripts shifting across decades

• Ep 6 *Exploring Bisexual Relationships and Research* — relationship and research context

🤝 Need to support someone who's coming out?

We made a resource for that. Send it to whoever needs the leg up → https://tinyurl.com/msb7ppz6

👯 Stay with us:

• Follow / subscribe wherever you're listening so the next episode lands in your feed

• Join the Give It To Me Bi community on Facebook → https://tinyurl.com/n5rpd4dc

• Subscribe to the newsletter → https://tinyurl.com/45sfmamc

• Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/giveittomebi/

• Everything else lives at → https://tinyurl.com/852k48je

If this episode hit something for you, forward it to one person who needs it.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're back. Season 2 is here and we are straight into it. Well, not straight...

This week we're tackling one of the most requested topics in the history of this show: how do you stay connected to your bi+ identity when you're in a monogamous relationship? And what does your partner actually need to know?

Whether you've ever thought maybe I'm not bi enough because I'm in a relationship, or you're a partner trying to figure out how to show up, this one's for both of you.

In this episode:

• Attraction, identity and relationship agreement are three completely different things. We use Robyn Ochs' definition of bisexuality to unpack why the "scorecard" question is the wrong question entirely — and who keeps asking for it.
• Mixed orientation relationships. What happens when one person in a relationship is bi+ and the other isn't, and why the unspoken agreement is almost always the most dangerous one.
• For the partner listening. Your bi+ person isn't afraid of you. They're afraid of everything the world has told you about them. There's a difference and it matters.
• The research is clear. Partner acceptance doesn't just make bi+ people feel better. It makes relationships better. We get into why.
• Chad's personal story. Coming out to his late partner Heidi mid-relationship — the rupture it created, the conversations that followed, and how it became one of the greatest joys of his life.
• And more!

Monogamy does not cancel bisexuality. Non-monogamy does not prove it.

Links:

• Join the Give It To Me Bi community
• Follow us on Instagram
• Star Observer column

Give It To Me Bi acknowledges that we live and work on Gadigal land. We pay our respects to elders past and present. Sovereignty was never ceded.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re busting more bi+ myths with clear, practical answers: identity vs politics, the “prove it” trap, couples seeking women on apps, ageing and labels, and why health gaps are about stigma—not sexuality. Plus Rainbow Election Forum takeaways, Qtopia’s Sydney Pride Fest news, and a moving tribute to Heidi.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

- You don’t owe anyone a dating résumé. Your identity isn’t up for audit.

- “Queer” can feel political; “bisexual” can be a simple description—both are valid.

- App dynamics are shaped by culture and numbers—don’t scapegoat bi+ people.

- Bisexuality doesn’t disappear with age; safety, language, and context shift.

- Bi mental-health gaps are driven by stigma and minority stress, not by being bi.

CHAPTERS

- Opening Thanks & Community Care

- Rainbow Election Forum: Wins and Gaps

- Qtopia Sydney Pride Fest: What’s Coming

- Star Observer: Why We Show Up

- Myth: “Bi Needs to Be Political”

- Myth: “You Must Prove Your Bi-ness”

- Myth: “Couples Only Seek Women on Apps”

- Ageing and Labels: What Actually Changes

- Bi Health: Stigma vs Sexuality

- Closing Notes + Tribute

RESOURCES MENTIONED

- Rainbow Election Forum — Community Q&A with political leaders — https://equalityaustralia.org.au/our-work/rainbow-votes/

- Health Equity Matters — https://www.healthequitymatters.org.au/

- Qtopia Sydney Pride Fest — Festival mentioned — https://qtopiasydney.com.au/pride-fest-2025/

- Star Observer — Monthly column — https://www.starobserver.com.au/category/give-it-to-me-bi

Join the mailing list: https://tinyurl.com/3hzyj3zt

Join the online community: https://tinyurl.com/49kt66cm

Review on Apple | Review on Spotify

MEMORABLE QUOTES

“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.” — Host

“There’s no one correct way to be bi.” — Host

“It’s stigma—not sexuality—that harms our health.” — Host

CREDITS

Hosted by Steve Spencer and Chad Barnier.

Audio Production and Editing by Chad Barnier.

Podcast artwork by Chad Barnier.

CONTENT NOTE

This podcast often discusses themes of mental and physical health, suicide, minority stress, and politics.

TRANSCRIPT NOTE

Transcripts are auto-generated—apologies for any inaccuracies.

#bisexual #bisexuality #biplus #bi+

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

Give It To Me Bi acknowledge that we live and work on Gadigal Land. We acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of this land and pay our respects to Elders past and present. Sovereignty was never ceded.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.