Discover extra content in the blog post – JAIL!

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In 2010, I was arrested. I felt like the problem in my family, their strong beliefs made me feel like a failure.

Have you ever disappointed someone? How did it make you feel? These are the questions I had as I went through the jail’s intake process.

I felt really lonely and sad, even unable to cry. Life before this was busy, but now I was stuck and powerless.

The next weeks were about writing letters and waiting for mail, getting a letter felt special.

Eliza, who seemed like someone I wouldn’t connect with, surprised me. She promised to write me, and her letters became my support. She was the first of many unexpected friends who changed how I saw the world.

In this episode I’ll talk about unexpected friendships, and how everything can change. This is “Jail”.

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Credits:
Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/david-bullard/broken
License code: 4RBAWADSMWQNVB4N
https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/this-blue-marble
License code: 56TRQHSBQFE5WM4B
https://uppbeat.io/t/dorian-pinto/recollect
License code: 3BAFFWFFL48Q36CX
https://uppbeat.io/t/brock-hewitt-stories-in-sound/a-journey-of-love
License code: E0K8JEBDEI2MA0EU
https://uppbeat.io/t/ben-johnson/leap-of-faith
License code: UXHGSAQLJUU3AJUW

Discover extra content in the blog post – BAIL, SENTENCING & PRISON INTAKE!

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Imagine your life on hold for a year, every day another day closer to a prison sentence. I might get only probation. Or I could get a 12 or even 30 year prison sentence. I pled guilty. Sentencing was up to the judge. The wait was terrible; the outcome was devastating. This is bail, sentencing, and prison intake.

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Credits:

Music from #Uppbeat:
https://uppbeat.io/t/braden-deal/exertion
License code: JMW1YQUC7FNXDD1P

https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/lost-souls
License code: FU299LXLN2TAHDVM

https://uppbeat.io/t/monument-music/notes-from-the-past
License code: Y8POTL5XSAGUMRKZ

https://uppbeat.io/t/dan-phillipson/making-progress
License code: ADHZRQWRDQIFZ15O

https://uppbeat.io/t/hey-pluto/the-summit
License code: 7P91ZHZD8LYLUCIK

https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/one-moment-in-time
License code: NJDHAZTL6EUVU575

https://uppbeat.io/t/all-good-folks/a-beautiful-mind
License code: QMHGMD52YWNWZ5NI

https://uppbeat.io/t/kaleidoscope/by-my-side
License code: SRMQ20WZ0YKLDLLM

https://uppbeat.io/t/braden-deal/inquisitive
License code: UDWRW1TFIEWC13XO

https://uppbeat.io/t/light-patterns/exploratory-nature
License code: 3KZTJNVGMAAAQOUP
https://uppbeat.io/t/dorian-pinto/recollect
License code: MFKWWGIVEXTWDQRF

https://uppbeat.io/t/dan-phillipson/making-progress
License code: XB2TQN94ZQZPJAIE

Discover extra content in the blog post – ORIENTATION!

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In March 2011 I entered prison and was placed in an orientation class. After 2 weeks I was given a job and prison life began. Life outside of prison continued for my family as well, and as I sought to redefine my role as a mom of 5 children I would also experience the loss of my grandmother.

I share my struggles with depression and how strict prison rules and challenging prison personalities affected me my first year. Are you overwhelmed? Are you experiencing a lot of changes in your life? Do you need strength to get through? I discuss steps we can take today to see us through to tomorrow.

I had believed I was a good person, but I sought to improve. Can you relate? I struggled with serious depression, making stability and holding a job challenging. I felt the weight of other people’s expectations. In prison I tried adjusting to a new normal, but I would learn entering prison wasn’t rock bottom. Life can get even worse. What does life look like before transformation? How can change happen for you? This is ORIENTATION (CHANGE, SHOCK & AWE, SUICIDE WATCH).

I’ve mentioned before that I didn’t realize I needed to change. What do I mean? I believed myself to be a good person or at least a person who understood what good is, even if I couldn’t do it consistently. If I could tell you what is right, doesn’t that make me …right?

Do you think of yourself as a good person? If you know what’s right, then are you right, even if you don’t do the right thing?

I had always been interested, though, in improving myself and my life. I didn’t need to change my beliefs; I wanted the skills to perform well!

One of my biggest struggles began in my teen years. I began to suffer from serious depression. I felt disinterested in things that gave other people joy. I was easily irritated.In a 2016 Psychology Today article by Gregg Henriques Ph.D. called The Behavioral Shutdown Theory of Depression, Dr. Henriques does an excellent job of explaining this enigma. He describes depression as a defensive strategy. If one sees little return on their behavioral or emotional investment eventually, they’ll lack the desire to expend that effort. In short – why do things that don’t work?

Medication helped, but it wasn’t a cure. I agonized about my failure to do things I saw people do every day. I was just barely surviving, even with meds. Eventually I was prescribed extremely high doses of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. I believed my depression symptoms said ugly things about me and made me unlikable (or they would if people knew about them. I worked hard to rid myself of these symptoms and hide them. Fake it until you make it was a motto I lived by.

Does this sound familiar? You are not alone, and there is hope!

On my second day in prison, I was placed in an orientation class lasting 2 weeks. We were called R&O’s. One purpose of this class is to teach the rules and consequences of breaking the rules, consequences like LOPs (Loss of Privileges), DLOPs (Discipline Los...