A sneak eater and a speed eater from the jump, I literally made friends with kids based on what they had in their fridge and pantry. When I was around food, I couldn’t rest until it was finished. My earliest memories are food-related, and they are painted with a lot of shame, fear, and low self-esteem. I thought if I got down to a magical weight, everything would start going my way. Instead, I ate my way to 300 pounds, while blaming everyone around me. When it came to a point where numbing myself with food stopped working, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). The physical recovery never gets old; I can hike, do yoga, and I’m in better shape in my late fifties than I was in my twenties. I fit into the same size clothes year in and year out, and no more sleep apnea or CPAP machines either! But the emotional and spiritual recovery are the true gifts of this program. FA is the answer for me. My life just keeps getting better, and I can’t imagine living any other way.

My whole life was about dieting, restricting, and waiting to be thin. When I’m thin, then I’ll be happy, I thought. I was sure Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) was not for me – too time consuming, and there was that whole “higher power” thing. I’ll just go to the gym more often and I’ll keep doing this commercial weight-loss program, I told myself. In actuality, my "weight loss program" meant going to the bakery, buying a dozen items, eating half, and throwing the other half out the car window on the way home. Dieting got me up to 185 pounds, and I was constantly at war with myself. It was my grown daughters who first joined FA, and I watched as they both lost weight and became more sensible people, unrecognizable from when they started the program. It took me seven long years of thinking about FA before I was convinced. By then, I was so desperate that I followed every suggestion my sponsor offered. I lost 50 pounds, and my life got better. At 78, I am a healthier person both mentally and physically, living a happy, productive life.

Standing at the refrigerator looking for something—anything—to change the way I felt, I heard myself admit, “I do not know how to eat,” and I started to cry. Ironically, I was the class clown, the jokester, and above all, I wanted you to like me. I lost weight after gaining the freshman 50 in college, and I thought that would solve my problems. It didn’t. Then, I thought getting married would make everything better. It didn’t. In another Twelve Step program, I listened to people talk about obsession, compulsion, and negative thinking. My truth was that I knew all of these things were very much alive in me. I also realized that I was sitting in those meetings high on sugar, wondering, am I really even sober? When I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I was given the gift of open-mindedness. Having always been a rebel and a hippie, I liked to do things my way. In FA, a still, small voice said, “Take your sponsor’s suggestions.” It was then I decided not to joke around anymore, and no questioning, litigating, or fighting either. To my surprise, I’ve found amazing freedom in that. Today, I live in a healthy body, with a spirit that shines.