here are my fieldnotes from learning to fall in love with uncertainty again and again and again instead of resist and fear it:

• the point of life is not to figure sh!t out - and sometimes we have to get so lost in the figuring sh!t out that we have a great big wake up call that reminds us of that
• wherever you go, there you are
• life is continuing education. we are here to learn. to have fun. to enjoy. to explore. to LIVE.
• you don't find your purpose looking for your purpose, you find it when you let go
• puttering is very important. very essential. very necessary.
• there is time. there is always time. there is always far more time than you think that there is.
• the ultimate and grand cosmic paradox is that you learn to be at peace when you become at peace with not always being at peace

i love you. thank you for being on this journey with me. for showing love, support, and your affections.

if you love the show, comment! rate! subscribe! follow! stay up to date! beautiful things are HERE and they are also always coming.

x

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A conversation about girlhood and growing older, embracing the vessel and the life of the body, and embodying the wisdom of life through the preciousness of it's fragility.

With my dearest friend, Phia.

May this episode allow you to see life through the eyes of your inner elder.

Listen to Phia's music.

Follow Phia

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to remain tender is a gift.

this episode is an exploration of everything i've learned about love.

put simply:

"we have all known the bliss of sunshine hitting our skin on a cold day, and we have all belly laughed until our breaths disappeared, and we have all come home chewed up by the world and sunken deep into a familiar withering, and we are all either healing from something or learning how to hold it, running from something or learning how to return - because we have all loved and we have all lost, and we have all mistaken losing for a promise that it was never safe to love. and we have all been wrong about that."

- from my essay "let me remember you" which you can read here on my Substack

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If the devil can't get to you, he will make you rush.

"We think our limits live in the dreams we don’t chase, in the tasks we put off, in the emotions that we avoid - but they’re most alive in all of the small ways we deny our right to enjoy life.

In the ferocious hurry between movements, in the relentless devotion to our False God of Control that promises certainty we never actually find.

We yearn for love, but refuse to let life touch us.

Even when it’s right in our hands - fragrant, bright, asking only to be received, we mistake consumption for communion." - Realizations from Near Death

Let this episode bring you home.

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If You Liked this Episode - You'll Like This One, Too!

I Had A Spiritual Awakening Running a Marathon

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"I learned how to reach for my dreams with a shaky hand. And time and time again, I’ve seen that once they are in my palms - it makes no difference if I really believe they should be there or not. Because here they are. In my hands. I cannot drop them. I have claimed them. They are a gift and yet - they have always been mine."

- an excerpt from my most recent essay "Dreams" (which I read to you in this episode <3)

This episode sits inside of the humbling silence of realizing you've been playing it small when you've always been meant to shine - that you've been playing it safe when you've always been divinely protected to expand.

Your dreams already believe in you.

There is nothing to change here, nothing to fix, and nothing to do.

There is only remembering.

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We won’t ever say it aloud - but most of us hold an ideal of perfection inside of our self-development routines.

And after spending enough time nipping and tucking away pieces of ourselves that we don't like in an effort to curate the most acceptable, palatable, "perfect" version of us - is this:

We are only as whole as we are able to accept the parts of us that don’t make us feel like it.

We are only as healed as we are able to hold our brokenness.

We are only as loving as we are to the pieces of us that we can’t fathom.

And we will come to know, by peering into the depths of our own hearts long enough to see the it's shadows, that the space that is our bodies was created to hold love for our imperfect flesh.

This episode is another reflection on a topic that is core to Figuring Sh!t Out: Shadow-Work. It is a continued conversation from recent dialogue on stretching our capacity for complexity within us and expanding our conscious creation in this world.

May it be a friend to you when you feel the tenderness of being deeply human.

xx

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MERCH

If you liked this episode, you'll like these too!

Episode 21: A Beginner's Guide to Shadow-Work

Episode 37: Healing Self-Expression, Shadow-Work Series

"We are mosaics. Pieces of light, love, history, stars. Glued together with magic and music and words." - Anna Kritzen

There’s a quiet grief that lives inside a lot of people.

Because we’ve learned how to contain ourselves.

Creativity was once somewhere we all went to feel alive, and became something we use to prove who we are.

We learn to identify with a medium, a label, an aesthetic, a version of ourselves to be understood, admired, approved of. And without realizing it - these identities shrink us.

This episode is about how identifying too tightly with a creative medium - or with being good at something - can quietly disconnect us from our true nature, which is plural, fluid, and undefinable. When creativity becomes performance, identity, or ego, it stops being an expression of our aliveness and starts feeding validation instead.

Today, I’m talking about creative repression, the “shadow artist,” and what it really means to be a starving artist - not financially, but spiritually. We’ll explore how boxing ourselves into one identity limits our expression, why losing passion is often a sign of creative deprivation, and how curiosity, play, and permission to be bad can reopen the door.

As Julia Cameron once said: ""You're either losing your mind or gaining your soul."

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THANK YOU for listening!! If you love FSO & this episode, leave a comment!! Tell me what resonated, share what you want to hear next <3 Don't forget to rate the podcast on your preferred streaming platform!!

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MERCH

If you liked this episode, you may like this one too:--

This episode is not what you think it is.

It is not a hustle-forward, all-gas-no-breaks charge to a new year.

But it is also not a total rejection of the new year.

It is a subtle and soft invitation into moving forward with reflection, ritual, and intention.

Through redefining and examining our relationship with "locking in," or what we turn out focus towards, we can refine our communion with newness in a way that feels true to us.

This episode offers a three-phase process to entering - might we even say *sauntering* - into the new year in a way that will allow our new year practices to feel like sustainable daily rhythms rather than temporary sprints & quick fixes.

This is a conversation about where and how we spend our time & attention, and will give you a framework of tools to carry forward as you reflect on the previous year and look ahead at the new one.

It asks two questions to answer honestly, poignantly, (and to take time meditating upon):

What have you been locked into in 2025?

And what are you ready to unlock in 2026?

These questions aren't so much asking to be answered directly, yet used as pointers to the emerging answers within you that come from peering inwards and sitting with self.

May these suggestions support you as you continue to evolve & figure sh!t out in 2026.

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THANK YOU for listening!! If you love FSO & this episode, leave a comment!! Tell me what resonated, share what you want to hear next <3 Don't forget to rate the podcast on your preferred streaming platform!!

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IG: @byvanessafontana

TIKTOK: @butterflyfountain

COSTA RICA spots are still open!! DM me over IG if you wanna chat about it / want a discount code <3 YOU HAVE UNTIL JAN 30 TO BOOK.

MAILING LIST (Sign up for 10% off Merch + a Free Energy Protection Meditation <3)

MERCH

If you liked this episode, you may like this one too:

Ep. 72: CREATE OR BE CONSUMED

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Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Digital garden: https://fransfieldnotes.substack.com/p/how-to-make-a-digital-garden-a-beginners

Wild geese podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4j9fApvoYIkFYkJrMeHifp?si=b7ade01156704390

You need to be bored: https://hbr.org/2025/08/you-need-to-be-bored-heres-why