Couverture de Episode 13: Healing and Coming to Terms With Your Past

Episode 13: Healing and Coming to Terms With Your Past

Episode 13: Healing and Coming to Terms With Your Past

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 On this episode of the Meant 4 More podcast I was joined by my co-conspirator in coaching, Kristin Leazer. We dove into healing and specifically, coming to terms with your past. We talked about a new way to look at Trauma; It’s not just a deeply catastrophic event. It can be a culmination of micro-traumas. Some signs of trauma may be: If you do not have strong memories of your childhood, this is an indicator of trauma (not of grand scale, but micro-traumas). We have more feeling memories than actual memoriesWe disengage to not deal (this is coping), but the body keeps scoreMore on this next monthQuestions to ask yourself:If nothing “traumatic” happened to me, why can’t I remember most of my childhood?Why do I have such a hard time connecting with and taking care of myself emotionally?Why do I constantly betray myself? Trauma at any level affects us all. Sometimes we cannot pinpoint a specific event - its a culmination of micro-traumas Common ways trauma manifests: PerfectionismOverachievingSubstance abuseAnxietyDepressionLack of confidenceLow self-worthObsession with being viewed a certain wayProblematic relationship behaviorsStuckness New definition of Trauma When we consistently betrayed ourselves for love, were consistently treated in a way that made us feel unworthy or unacceptable, we severed connection to authentic self. Trauma creates the fundamental belief that we must betray who we are in order to survive Childhood Conditioning: Conditioning: beliefs and behaviors are unconsciously imprinted onto us We learn what is modeled to usWatching children this is clearHow our parents engaged in their reality is often how we engage in oursWe have to learn to witness ourselves and our loved onesMany of us never stop to think: Is this really me?Identifying your wounding is critical in the healing journeyRecognize that how. Parent treated you as a child is not a reflection of who you are or even who they are.The first step to healing is awareness The Archetypes of Childhood Trauma: Having a parent who denies your reality “It didn’t happen that way” “It’s not a big deal” “You should just forget about it” How did this make you feel? Having a parent that does not see or hear you They always seemed distracted or busy, or otherwise made you feel unacknowledged How did you try to get their attention? Did you “perform” “act out” or become withdrawn? Having a parent who vicariously lives through you or molds and shapes you “You’re so sensitive like your mother” “You need to get straight As to make the family proud” Were you as impassioned and committed to those goals as they were or did you simply go through the motions? What messages did you receive about yourself as a child? What did your parents want or expect of you? Having a parent who does not model boundaries Parents who violated your personal limits or those of others, or didn’t have boundaries Did you feel free to say “no?” Were you told to behave a certain way? Did you parents set clear limits on their time, energy and resources in their relationships? Did your parents respect your privacy or invade it? Did your parents allow you to have conversations or experiences with others without inserting themselves into them? Having a parent who is overly focused on appearance They provided direct and indirect messages about our appearance “You should wear your hair down” “Your thighs are getting bigger” “Do you really think it’s a good idea to have seconds?” “You’d look a lot better if you didn’t have clothes like that” Sometimes these statements may have been directed at others What are the messages you received around appearance? Having a parent who cannot regulate their emotions We learn by watching our parents When your parents had strong emotions, how did they respond? Slam doors Vent Scream Silent treatment Did your parents have a specific coping strategy? Spending Use substances Avoid certain or all emotions When they had strong emotions how did they communicate with you or those around them? Name-calling Blaming Shaming Silent treatment After strong feelings, did your parents take time to explain or help you process your own feelings around what happened? What messages did you receive about feelings in general or your feelings in particular? Coping with our Trauma: Common coping strategies: People pleasing - once you meet the demand, the stress is temporarily gone Anger or rage - discharge emotion onto someone else to release it Dissociation - you “leave your body” during a stressful event so that you “don’t” experience it The Potential for Change: It’s not the severity of the trauma, but our reaction to it that leaves an imprint. Resilience is learned through conditioning. If we didn’t see something modeled by your parents we may have never learned it. When we do the work of resolving trauma we become more resilient and profound transformation becomes possible Trauma is ...
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