What Heated Rivalry Gets Right About Coming Out

You wouldn't expect a steamy male hockey romance to hit so close to home for later-in-life lesbians — but Heated Rivalry on HBO Max did exactly that.

In this episode, Anne-Marie and returning co-conspirator Barb Rowlandson break down why this show has gone viral across the LGBTQ+ community and beyond. From the real cost of staying closeted as strategy (not confusion), to the exhaustion of loving privately versus living openly, to why straight women are weeping at a gay hockey player kissing his boyfriend on the ice — the themes run deep.

They explore how the show mirrors what so many women in midlife experience: the layered process of coming out, the fear of losing everything you've built, and the moment when hiding yourself becomes more painful than the risk of being seen. Plus, a honest conversation about gender roles, emotional labor, and why queer relationships often feel like a breath of fresh air after years of carrying the mental load.

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT: This episode discusses major plot points from all episodes of Heated Rivalry. Watch the show first, then come back — we'll be here!

🎧 Listen & watch now: 📺 YouTube: https://youtu.be/7ws7-FvaW38 🎧 Spotify & Apple Podcasts: Search "Coming Out and Beyond LGBTQ Stories"

💬 Want to keep the conversation going? Join our Authentically Us community on Mighty Networks for a live group discussion of Heated Rivalry on Monday, February 23rd! Join Authentically Us – a Community for LGBTQIA+ Adults to participate at https://annemariezanzal.com/ .

💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITY

Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.

Monthly subscription: $39/month

👉 Join Authentically Us

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Website: annemariezanzal.com

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🔥 Ever get all dressed up for a date... and they never show? Ever wonder if you're too old for love at 43? Ever think maybe lesbian dating culture is just... toxic?

Girl, pull up a chair. We're talking about ALL of it in this episode — and trust us, you're not alone.

📞 FEELING STUCK IN YOUR DATING LIFE?

Dating is hard enough without doing it alone. If you're a sapphic woman feeling stuck, frustrated, or just plain lost when it comes to dating — whether you're freshly out, freshly heartbroken, or somewhere in between — let's chat.

Book a FREE connection call with Barbara — no pressure, no judgment, just a lesbian therapist/coach/guide who has been there and can help you have a successful dating life.

👉 Book Your Free Call Here

What We're Covering This Week:

This week, Anne-Marie and Barbara Rowlandson are back with another round of Reddit questions from sapphic women navigating the beautiful, messy, maddening world of queer dating. These posts hit close to home:

🌈 Is lesbian dating culture actually toxic? Spoiler: No. We're talking about why what feels uniquely lesbian is really just uniquely human — and why pathologizing our community doesn't help anyone.

❤️ What to do when your girlfriend brushes off arguments that leave you spinning. Hint: It's about attachment styles and communication, not your queerness. (And "we never fight" isn't the flex you think it is.)

💔 The woman who got stood up on date three. Dressed up, dinner reservation made, Sephora closed for emotional shopping — the whole bit. We're sending her all the love.

🌸 A tough-love conversation with a 43-year-old who thinks she's too old for love. We're unpacking the stories we inherit and how beliefs like "there aren't enough good people out there" can quietly run your whole dating life.

💕 The sweetest question about first-time intimacy. Why excitement, not nervousness, is way more common than you'd think — and how to make your partner feel safe and comfortable.

If you've ever wondered whether the intensity of your feelings means something's wrong, or if your dating struggles are a "lesbian thing" or a "human thing," this one's for you.

💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITY

Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.

Monthly subscription: $39/month

👉 Join Authentically Us

💬 GOT YOUR OWN SAPPHIC DATING DILEMMA?

We want to hear from you! Share your dating question or story, and we might feature it on our next episode of U-Haul University.

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Website: annemariezanzal.com

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It's the first Friday of the month, and that means we welcome back Anna Empey to the show! In this episode, Anne-Marie and Anna delve deep into their personal journeys of deconstructing their Catholic and Mormon faith, particularly in the context of their LGBTQIA+ identities. Each paints a vivid picture of what it was like to grow up in a home with conservative faith traditions, noting the moments when their "shelf broke" (a metaphor for losing faith), the emotional toll of leaving behind their faith communities and ingrained beliefs, and the impacts it had on their interpersonal relationships. Anne-Marie and Anna also share which pieces of their beliefs they retained, noting how they found freedom and peace as they moved forward in life guided by their values.

❓ What to Expect in This Episode:

✨Exploration of how church policies can be devastating for LGBTQIA+ individuals.

✨Thoughts on how personal relationships with a higher power can evolve over time.

✨Why anger is a valid part of the deconstruction process.

✨Encouragement to ask questions and seek your own beliefs.

Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you're looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

💬 Join the Conversation:

Are you someone who is deconstructing the lessons of your life prior to coming out? What are your takeaways from this episode? Let's talk about it in the comments!

🔗 Visit our website:

Anne-Marie's : [ annemariezanzal.com]

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💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment/

You can also tune into this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-out-beyond-lgbtqia-stories/id1569859569

Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/27kocr4llm6syHKaeX1x9e

👉 Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe for more inspiring stories and advice on navigating life, love, and everything in between!

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