Épisodes

  • The Showgirl is Back!
    Aug 27 2025

    On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after getting back on the road with The Bamboozled Tour in Memphis and Charlotte. The Showgirl is back on the road and another showgirl is engaged! She chats about what went down in each city and goes down sorority rush memory lane. We get back to the voicemails where she takes on another type of wedding proposal, airline chicken etiquette and if too much baby oil is a thing.


    Episode Sponsors:


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    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 7 min
  • Well Done but Juicy with Retta
    Aug 21 2025

    On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcomes her fabulous friend, Retta to the pod! Retta and Heather met at a friend's birthday in Mexico and connected over margaritas and steak. They chat about auditions, how Glen Powell smells, and what’s a must have in her dressing room.


    Episode Sponsors:


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    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 5 min
  • Return of Joy Ride to the ATM
    Aug 13 2025

    This week, we’re reminiscing tales from Heather’s last tour ahead of some stops in Tennessee and Texas. In this replay episode, she breaks down the details of the insane predicament she found herself in at the Memphis airport. She also ran into a couple Lasso kids in Texas and was slinging art in Mississippi for Robin like drug dealer from the 80's. That and more!


    Episode Sponsors:


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.


    For a limited time, you can be first in line to experience the new Next Gen at special savings. Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY.


    Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.


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    Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!


    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 4 min
  • Who’s Unc Now?
    Aug 6 2025

    On this episode, Heather is back in Atlanta after her annual European summer vacay. She has weeded through her tik-tok trolls only to realize she has come out ahead as America’s Unc. She relives her boat days, her Air France journey home, and her back to school shopping memories. She takes voicemails from girls on a best friend trip to Italy, gift giving and golf bag woes, and why she is going to Iowa.


    Episode Sponsors:


    Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    You can shop Caraway Risk-Free! Enjoy fast, free shipping, easy returns, and a 30-day trial. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.


    This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.


    To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.


    Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.


    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 31 min
  • Stronger than Ozempic
    Jul 30 2025

    On this episode, Heather is recording straight from a pool house in Mallorca—armed with nothing but her phone, a questionable Wi-Fi signal, and enough acid reflux to ignite a small fire. She’s giving us a mid-vacation dispatch packed with thoughts on travel etiquette, her ongoing battle with GLP-1, and a passionate tribute to the unsung pop legacy of Brooke Hogan. Plus, a quick tour update and a reminder that boat days are the best days.


    Episode Sponsors:


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.


    OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.


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    Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration and so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home!


    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    52 min
  • Two Weeks Too Long (Replay)
    Jul 23 2025

    On this replay of the pod from almost exactly 3 years ago, we get Heather fresh off her extra long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending too much time with her new husband, Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again (which she currently is doing in Portugal).


    Episode Sponsors:


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.


    Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!


    Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.


    OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.


    Give your summer closet an upgrade—with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and 365-day returns.


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    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 10 min
  • Summer at Chateau McMahan with Robin
    Jul 16 2025

    On this episode, Heather welcomes the one and only Robin McMahan to the studio. Robin is back from Portugal with a group of fabulous older women and bestows some advice before Heather's trip. They discuss the infamous EGG HAT, European Zara’s and the price of seabass. They obviously go into Robin’s dating dilemmas. They take your voicemails about boomers, summers at Chateau McMahan and the amount of virgin piña coladas Heather used to drink.


    Episode Sponsors:


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns


    Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.


    If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.


    Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Nutrition Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY


    To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.


    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 9 min
  • Zoom Out with Jackie Schimmel
    Jul 9 2025

    On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise.


    Episode Sponsors:


    Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully). Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.


    Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/absolutely.


    This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.


    Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.


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    Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!


    To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.


    Produced by Dear Media

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    1 h et 4 min