What happens when your family doesn’t fit the template; and you stop trying to force it? In this candid conversation, holistic family consultant Jen Gerardy joins Tonya to talk about parenting as a queer, non-monogamous, neurodivergent-embracing human — and why the goal isn’t to “fix” yourself or your kids, but to design relationships that work for the people who live inside them. We unpack best practices for talking to kids about adult relationships, the difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy, and the relief that comes when you refuse to pathologize who you are. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide parts of yourself to be welcomed in a parenting space, this one’s a deep breath.

• [00:00] “Who are your freaks?” — Jen’s people and why questioning norms can make you a better parent
• [07:08] Judgment, protection, and why compassion (even for the judgy folks) matters
• [11:16] Coming out to yourself as non-monogamous while parenting: what changed (and what didn’t)
• [17:06] Best practices 101: secrets vs. surprises, introducing partners, and centering child wellbeing
• [25:28] Rethinking “the village”: expanding who cares for a child beyond narrow roles
• [29:13] Stop pathologizing people: challenges ≠ you being the problem
• [31:29] The line to remember: “If the world isn’t set up for you, you’ll face more challenges — and you’re still not the problem”

• Ditch the scripts. Much of our parenting comes from inherited rules that don’t fit our families. Jen invites us to swap “what should I do?” for “what helps everyone thrive here?” That shift — from compliance to curiosity — changes everything.
• Secrets are never child-sized. If your structure asks a child to keep a secret about an adult relationship, that’s a red flag. Jen’s rule: surprises are fine; secrets aren’t developmentally appropriate.
• Design for real people. Whether you’re monogamous or not, widen your idea of “the village.” Ask: which trusted adults help this child feel loved, safe, and supported — and how can we make that care intentional?

Ethically non-monogamous (ENM) or polyamorous parents often have to censor core parts of their identity to access mainstream parenting spaces. Jen’s community flips that: no pathologizing, no moral litmus tests. Just child-centered, consent-based support.

• Psychological safety first. Clear norms (curiosity over judgment, “secrets vs. surprises,” no advice-dumping) create room to be fully seen without bracing for backlash.
• Privacy without hiding. Parents can be out about structure inside the group while choosing their comfort level outside it. No asking kids to carry adult secrets.
• Designed for real life. Twice-monthly Zooms welcome “life-in-progress” (headphones while making dinner, cameras off, kids nearby) so participation is actually doable.
• Best-practice scaffolding. Gentle guidance on introducing partners, language for kids, and school/admin logistics centers child wellbeing and consent.
• Expanded village. The community normalizes broader caregiving constellations (aunts, partners, close friends) and helps families design intentional roles and boundaries.

The result: fewer shame spirals, more resourced parents, and kids who grow up with clear language, consistent care, and a community that fits the family they actually have.

Jen...