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    Description

    For the past 35 years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.

    Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect each other, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.

    Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.

    This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers a detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.

    ©2012 John M. Gottman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

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    • Global
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Interprétation
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Histoire
      4 out of 5 stars
    Image de profile pour SoCalSkills
    • SoCalSkills
    • 26/07/2017

    Technical version of his other book

    I rate this book high because I appreciate hearing the research methods behind the research. However, if you're not wanting to understand the methods that in depth I suggest Gottman's book What Makes Love Last. If you can appreciate the mathematics read this before that book. You'll better understand the research he refers to in that book.

    47 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      4 out of 5 stars
    • Interprétation
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Histoire
      4 out of 5 stars
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    • LAURA
    • 06/09/2017

    Good book, a lot of math, stats so be prepared.

    great book on the science of marriage relationships. Much of it reads like a textbook, so I had to fast forward quite a bit to get to the key take away points. Overall still a great book and I will listen to it again

    11 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      5 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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      5 out of 5 stars
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    • Chris
    • 14/06/2016

    His best work

    I've read most of Gottmans books and love him but when I started reading this one I thought it was so boring. It started slow and went deep into game theory. Half way through though it became my favorite book by him with detailed descriptions of his research and finding and in my option his best published work. This book was so helpful!

    9 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      3 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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      3 out of 5 stars
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    • Garry
    • 08/10/2015

    Very detailed and thorough, but not an easy listen

    While the information included was very detailed and thorough, it was a difficult book to listen to because it was very academic and scientific in nature. There was some application, but it got lost amongst the definitions and figures. As long as you go in with the right expectations, you'll be OK, but if, like me, you were expecting more of a how-to in easy to understand layman's terms, you're better off looking elsewhere.

    12 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      4 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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    • Jesse
    • 07/04/2015

    Every married man should read this book.

    This book and the 7 principles book have been vital tools in my efforts to save my marriage from my emotional distance and neglect. I recommend it to all men and women who want a committed relationship, period.

    24 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      2 out of 5 stars
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      1 out of 5 stars
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    • DragonMama
    • 10/04/2013

    Like having tables of data read out loud?

    What would have made The Science of Trust better?

    It would have helped significantly if the narrator had at least ATTEMPTED to differentiate the voices when reading transcripts of conversations between husbands and wives. Instead, he just keeps reading in his regular voice which is confusing AND annoying. The poor editing job of the written text did not help matters at ALL. This information would have been better presented if it was more concisely presented. It could be cut by at least 25%.

    What do you think your next listen will be?

    I may avoid Gottman's work in audio format after this... I admire his work as an academic, and wanted to learn more after he was mentioned in Gladwell's books, but clearly I need to be able to visually scan through to get to useful bits.

    What didn’t you like about J. Charles’s performance?

    I didn't LIKE anything about J. Charles's performance. Lacking in differentiation between "speakers", and my text-to-speech software on my Android has about as much inflection.

    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    Disappointment in how crappy an editing job was done. Paragraphs are repeated in several places and the flow of the text is bad. Where the heck were the copy editors in this???

    Any additional comments?

    Gottman is doing important work into human relationships. Please don't let the poor quality of this specific publication keep you from looking into what he's been doing.

    35 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      4 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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    • Earl Vories
    • 15/07/2015

    Good insight

    The linking of science and research to issues of trust and marriage adds legitimacy. This book is more like a college textbook.

    My only complaint is the use of multiple variables with similar terminology got confusing, especially because there was no easy way to recheck meanings. Unlike a textbook, there was no easy way to find definitions or to use a chart/graph to help you follow along.

    6 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      5 out of 5 stars
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      5 out of 5 stars
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      4 out of 5 stars
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    • Jessica Reyer
    • 05/07/2019

    Intense and Helpful

    This book is super intense in a good way. I did not realize how research driven and mathmatically centered this would be...then again, it is the science of trust not theory. This book takes relationship theories and turns them into predictable data which good because it takes the excuses for behavior away.

    There is a lot of terminology to learn or leaf through. If you get caught up in that, the main concepts are still evident and don't let it deter you.

    I liked having all the background of what they had to do to study these theories and concepts, in order to, find formulas for prediction based on behavior. It made if more difficult to argue with. It is now a fact that if you do these things you will get those result. Which means if we want a better out come, we have to face certain truths with in ourselves and within others...

    But, once we see what we are doi ng and how we are thinking, we can do something about it - turn it around or chose to move on. I found the book helpful because by using research it takes the stories we create out of the equation. Meaning we lose the ability to victimise the experience which allows us to use excuses to behave in less negative ways and to keep perpetuating the problem. I found the book fair to both sides of the party. It's not about you, it's about we.

    I really like Gottman's work as it is direct and clear. Thanks!

    2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Interprétation
      5 out of 5 stars
    • Histoire
      5 out of 5 stars
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    • Robert
    • 07/04/2015

    Great application of math theory to marriage.

    Would you listen to The Science of Trust again? Why?

    Probably not again because it is 16 hours long.

    What was one of the most memorable moments of The Science of Trust?

    The Zeigarnik Effect. Understanding this alone may save your marriage.

    Which character – as performed by J. Charles – was your favorite?

    N/A

    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    No...to long.

    Any additional comments?

    While this book was written for practitioners, I found it great and a lay person.

    5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

    • Global
      5 out of 5 stars
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      5 out of 5 stars
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      5 out of 5 stars
    Image de profile pour Tony Earl
    • Tony Earl
    • 11/01/2015

    The First Solid Foundation for Couple's Therapy

    In various classes in theory and practice of the many subtypes of therapy, couple's therapy made me throw my hands up in frustration. Every professor had their own techniques and usually vague or unstated foundations that looked to me more like choices of assumptions than a theory. This grew sharp when every professor in this type of therapy taught things contradictory with the others. Their results were dismal, with rational explanations for why.

    Then I read Gottman's 'The Science of Trust' plus listened to this audiobook multiple times each and from the first reading, my view of couple's therapy changed. He has developed an extensively tested model of couple dynamics that apply across age groups, straight/gay, cultural and 40 years of data collection. It works; it makes clear predictions which so far have stood the test of time. It is nothing short of amazing. What to know why your relationship is having problems? What to know how to make it better? Read this book.

    If you have a stronger math background, you can follow this with his, Mathematics of Marriage, obviously only in print and maybe e-book from Amazon.

    2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile