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The Body Never Lies

The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting
Lu par : Sara Clinton
Durée : 5 h et 36 min
5,0 out of 5 stars (2 notations)

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Description

An examination of childhood trauma and its surreptitious, debilitating effects by one of the world's leading psychoanalysts.

Never before has world-renowned psychoanalyst Alice Miller examined so persuasively the long-range consequences of childhood abuse on the body. Using the experiences of her patients along with the biographical stories of literary giants such as Virginia Woolf, Franz Kafka, and Marcel Proust, Miller shows how a child's humiliation, impotence, and bottled rage will manifest itself as adult illness - be it cancer, stroke, or other debilitating diseases. Never one to shy away from controversy, Miller urges society as a whole to jettison its belief in the Fourth Commandment and not to extend forgiveness to parents whose tyrannical childrearing methods have resulted in unhappy, and often ruined, adult lives. In this empowering work, writes Rutgers professor Philip Greven, "[listeners] will learn how to confront the overt and covert traumas of their own childhoods with the enlightened guidance of Alice Miller."

©2005 Alice Miller (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

Ce que les auditeurs disent de The Body Never Lies

Notations
Global
  • 5 out of 5 stars
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Interprétation
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Histoire
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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Amazon Customer
  • 24/08/2016

Remarkably Enlightened

This was the first time I have ever heard a self help book about abuse not ask me to forgive. It was such a relief. I feel clarity in my journey after hearing it's ok for me to be angry and not to forgive. I still have a relationship with my parents. I have no intention on stopping it. Today I have a new approach, be angry when you need to be, it's acceptable, there's no need to rush forgiveness.

9 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Amazon Customer
  • 13/09/2018

I am not sure what to think?

I didn't get what I was hoping for out of this book. However, I am sure the content will stay on my mind for some time. I am in my 40s and it has only been a few years ago that I have been able to admit that I had terrible parents. It feels like this journey is so long. Figuring out how to process and what to do with this knowing is difficult for me. I like that the author pin points the idea that we are so often as adult children trying still to get love from our parents that has always been denied. I was hoping the author would say more about how to let go of that desire and how to get that love and nourishment ourselves.

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • GML
  • 31/01/2016

Why did I not get this sooner?

Sometime authors who write on the same theme are repetitive....this is NOT the case for this book or its famous predecessor (Drama of the Gifted Child).

I really liked the kind, conversational tone of the narrator, as well.

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Jane
  • 27/10/2013

A healing experience

What made the experience of listening to The Body Never Lies the most enjoyable?

It's great that 'honour thy mother and thy father' is questioned in this book. There are some parents who should not be honoured.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Body Never Lies?

Don't know about moments but the whole book questions the way abused children are told to 'forgive' and 'honour' those who abused them when our bodies are telling us that our truth is so important.

What does Sara Clinton bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

A caring genuine sounding approach I suppose.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from The Body Never Lies?

It gives you the freedom to accept how you feel, to be understanding of yourself instead of being understanding of the abuser.

Any additional comments?

Good work.

11 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Crystal todd
  • 02/05/2017

I agree with the author, but I was looking.

I learned about this book from another psychologist that I respect very well. I was hoping to get ideas as to what signals the body is trying to tell you. This book was more of an overview and understanding that childhood trauma cause the issue.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Holly Forman
  • 20/09/2015

Every therapist should read

Great book. A little slow during the first quarter but definitely a must read for therapists.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • T. Villa
  • 23/02/2016

revealing

Very insightful book on the negative effects of religious moral code on victims of abuse.

3 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Wendy Tuck
  • 20/08/2015

Insight into the way parenting impacts children

The way Alice Miller uncompromisingly looks at abuse, neglect, and mistreatment of children from the child's point of view is truly an eye opener. She exposes the beliefs and emotions that adults experience as a result of harmful, even cruel parenting. She liberates the reader from having to retain a helpless dependency on their parents out of guilt, obligation, or an insistence on forgiving and honoring one's parents. She gives many examples of famous and ordinary people whose bodies never lied, although many remained unconscious of their own biography and suffered. Fascinating book, great storytelling, and such a beacon of hope for treating our children much much better.

7 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Anonymous User
  • 22/05/2020

Required Reading - Raw and Revolutionary

This book should be near the top of your personal list of books to read before you die. The insights Miller provides are powerfully transformative with regard to the benefits of becoming an objective witness to one’s trauma in balance with cultivating empathy for the adult child self and the present condition of the body. It is understandably difficult coming from Judeo-Christian ideology to embrace a perspective that moves beyond unswerving loyalty and respect for one’s parents and parental figures, but that is exactly why Miller advocates so fiercely that we break free from that mentality in order to permit ourselves true healing. The main takeaway: listen to this book, and you will learn to listen to your body and hear your truth. Unburying and processing trauma to break cycles of abuse and shame can be painful, but learning to advocate, empower, trust, and forgive oneself - not one’s abusers or their apologists - will undoubtedly bring peace to the present, the soul, and equally the body itself. Truly this is a book that does not hold the reader at arm’s length, but rather offers a deep embrace. Don’t be afraid to embrace it back; you are really embracing yourself. Further critiques and encouragement for readers from a 27 year old trying to get her life together: This book is not for the faint of heart or without flaws, but please invest your time to read it. Miller’s perspective can seem harsh and totally alien at first, but I found the unapologetic tone invigorating. The reading experience felt like being propelled to swim from deep water and finally break through the surface. It was a huge relief from a lot of pain and pressure I didn’t even fully realize I was experiencing or had become desensitized to, and it helped me welcome my truth like stinging, fresh air. While ultimately restorative, it was like treading water trying to get to the other side of my own denied reality as I struggled at first to process Miller’s framework against my slowly unraveling perception of my trauma, parents, body, physical symptoms, and my feelings surrounding it all. Honestly kind of exhausting, but it’s given me plenty of pause to begin to recover. I would recommend doing as much as you can to take care of yourself while reading this, and take your time. It’s not many hours long, but it took me two plus weeks to finish because the text was dense at times and pretty heavy emotionally. Try to pay attention to your body as you listen or encounter triggers in the text or in your life, and practice mindfulness during exercise and other activities regardless whether you meditate. Journaling was also incredibly useful for me. Really helpful to integrate her work in a personal way, not just partially digest the concepts. Also be aware that the book’s structure does not make the true value of her work consistently accessible throughout, though this may be partially a side effect of a reader attempting for the first time to wake up to the reality of their trauma and the toxic cultural drivers informing it. The second half focuses on dismantling the harmful trappings of psychoanalytic practice in the context of more contemporary applications and implications of how stored trauma manifests physically, while the first half details examples of classical writers who Miller analyzes in the same manner. Although she successfully lays the groundwork for her theory here, and this chosen structure supports her conclusions in the end, the intended effect does not pay off until much later, which made certain claims or sections seemingly less clear or relevant until it finally clicked. It’s worth it for that aha moment, but there are several to be had. Everything presented remains engaging in its own right, and part one was a good reminder of how fame and esteem from strangers can’t replace respect and love from those who matter most and thus status and financial security don’t equate to true happiness, comfort, or an easy, carefree life. On this point, Miller also addresses other means of coping and denial in established adults and professionals, including within therapeutic practice. While the book as a whole is like connecting to an oxygen tank you didn’t know you needed, the narration can feel a little stale when reading some of the personal accounts in part two, but I think the narrator’s maturity reflects Miller’s voice and wisdom and also the biographical nature of part one. The more mellow energy had me replaying certain parts I spaced out on, but that could be my own attention span. To keep the engagement levels consistent, I’d have appreciated more background on the physical links to trauma from a scientific perspective, as this might have helped to substantiate some of Miller’s broader claims in the beginning and more firmly cement the departure from psychoanalysis in general, but there are other books that do this well. In her own way, I respect Miller helping pioneer the mind-body connection, as well as her intention to subvert traditional models (of parenting and psychotherapy) by exposing their weaknesses through direct examples of unsuccessful treatment. If you are not already familiar, it also takes some adjusting to the language of psychoanalytic theory in order to really understand how Miller directly addresses and rejects it. Those who don’t enjoy or are unaccustomed to scholarship may find this less approachable, but I still think it is worth trying. It’s not so heady as to ever near incomprehension, but I am curious to see if there are people applying or relaying her work in more user-friendly ways to give greater access to general audiences. Not everyone is or wants to be an intellectual. Whether you are an adult child, a parent yourself, or both, this book will ask you to take a long, hard look at yourself and the environment(s), systems, and patterns you grew up in and know yourself by. It brought up grief, guilt, shame, anger, nostalgia, hope, and love, and much more. It has allowed me to reevaluate my own relationship with my parents, other caregivers and authority figures, and even myself in a way regular talk therapy has not yet managed to touch. This was a challenging but cathartic read, well worth the positive complement to therapeutic work, with the understanding that said work, like this book, is a raw, not necessarily fun experience. Again, there are other books that posit similar or related theories, but I wanted to start with this one as its original release precedes those publications, it boldly addresses the history and roots of contributing traditions of harm, and because it is important to credit and support women scholars in a field with continued inequity. It is also important to recognize Miller as a Holocaust survivor, which arguably speaks to her expertise on childhood trauma as part of her lived experience, and furthers the integrity and solidarity that infuses her work. Miller passed away in 2010, but this audiobook was published in 2013 - clearly the significance of her message lives on, and can live on in each courageous reader and listener here. I look forward to reading her other works as I continue my healing journey. I am so grateful and proud to have finally begun, and I hope as many people as possible, no matter what age, will read this book and find hope and strength in Alice Miller’s words.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • MeBeVerryAlive
  • 12/06/2019

This book was amazing.

I highly recomend it this book. Her scope is a little narrow but it can be applied to a much broader scope. This is similar to The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile