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Boys & Sex

Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
Lu par : Peggy Orenstein
Durée : 7 h et 28 min

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Description

The author of the groundbreaking New York Times best sellers Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter now turns her focus to the sexual lives of young men, once again offering "both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it" (Washington Post).

Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls - steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity - which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. In Boys & Sex, Peggy Orenstein dives back into the lives of young people to once again give voice to the unspoken, revealing how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy.

Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word "hilarious" robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2020 Peggy Orenstein (P)2020 HarperAudio

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Lilyfee
  • 12/01/2020

A must-read for anyone who knows young men

In Boys & Sex, researcher Peggy Orenstein explores how toxic masculinity affects the sexual behavior of American Millenial and Gen Z boys. Her basic premise is that from an early age, male children in this demographic are taught to limit their emotional vocabulary, which only gets worse as they are exposed to media stereotypes, free internet porn, lack of sexual education at home and at school, and the unfulfilling expectation or reality of hookup culture, all of which combine to negatively impact their emotional and sexual literacy.

I identified with a lot of the anecdotal research in Boys & Sex. In particular, I like how the author explains that while the definition of womanhood has expanded to include many different types of women, men are still stuck with a 1950s ideal of male empowerment which basically consists of being stoic, dominant and emotionally inaccessible at all times (think Don Draper).

While I felt at times that Peggy Orenstein relied too much on her own assumptions and inherent biases when drawing conclusions about American boys, I would recommend this book, or at least the resources inside it, to everyone. It’s clearly targeted at parents with sons in high school and college but if you know any boys or young men, you will gain valuable insight into their lives and psyches from Boys & Sex. And no matter who you are, you will likely learn something about yourself too.

I really appreciate that rather than simply leaving the reader helpless to address the many factors influencing teen boys today - for example, the paywall hindering access to ethical, feminist porn and more broadly, ethical, feminist media in general - the author provides resources and tips for preventative and reformative measures. As a woman, I’m aware that I am disproportionally expected to provide emotional labor to men, but I was not familiar with research showing that young boys flat out do not express their feelings to other boys or men, meaning that women such as mothers or girlfriends are often their only confidantes. The author recommends that adults, especially father figures, talk to young boys about their feelings just as we would talk to young girls about theirs.

I also really liked the author’s ideas about restorative justice in cases of campus sexual assault (think the Aziz Ansari “Me Too” accusation), and her advice that parents should consistently emphasize the importance of sex as pleasure for everyone involved. As someone whose sexual education in school was only slightly more informative than the classic Mean Girls lines, “Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant and die,” and “If you touch each other, you will get chlamydia and die,” I feel that children and teenagers would benefit immensely from sexual education that touches on emotional as well as physical well-being. It seems incredibly novel that future generations of children and teens might be taught to touch themselves and others consensually for the purpose of pleasure, without the pressure and miscommunication that hinders my generation’s sexuality.

Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone. I would have appreciated more research regarding different demographics of boys and men but I learned a lot from this book and I’m sure I will consult it regularly.

The author did a good job narrating.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • paul
  • 09/01/2020

excellent Read missing end of Chapter 4

it's a fantastic read. very thought provoking. however chapter four is cut short. I may have to purchase paper back to read end of the chapter.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • meghan
  • 20/02/2020

All parents read NOW

This is an incredibly timely and important book. I work in a High School and my students echo these sentiments daily. This is a dose of honesty and hope.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • S. Summers
  • 17/02/2020

A necessary read

This text should be mandatory reading for parents, teachers, school administrators, legislators, and anyone else who deals with young people or makes rules governing them.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus
  • 13/02/2020

Fantastic

I'm a sociologist with a specialty in sex and gender, and I can't recommend this book highly enough. For anyone who is a parent of a teen boy, or anyone who works with males who are teens or young adults, this provides such a wonderful insight into their struggles, sexual encounters, fears, motivations, and goals. Orenstein writes with passion, clarity, and compassion.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • sarah slate
  • 13/02/2020

Definitely a book that parents should read!

I'm not a parent myself but I do have two younger brothers who are both teens and headed off to college and I can't help but wonder what kind of Toxic Masculine behavior they have learned and are going to participate in because of the way they were raised. Me, not my two brothers, or my little sister recieved any kind of sex education from our parents even though both of my parents had children with other people and probably would have been able to give first hand experience on what not to do. They were both also very emotionally distant people and my brothers, as well as me, a 21 year old woman have difficulty recognizing and expressing emotion. I wish that my brothers could read this book and understand or I wish that my parents would read this book so they could understand how they might have gone wrong and what they could do to fix it.

Anyway, I've talked this book up to almost everyone I know and several of my male coworkers are now reading it. It was gut wrenching and heart breaking to listen to because young men have almost been left behind by society and I can understand why they find alternative culture so abrasive, but I found it interesting, engaging, and very informative and it even taught me some things I didn't already know about consent, communication, and emotional intimacy so that I can better relate to my own boyfriend.

My only note for the audiobook itself is that in Chapter 4, the audio cuts out about two pages before the end of Devon (the FTM transgender man) had finished telling his story. I don't know if that part of his story was intentionally censored or if it is an editing mistake but the audio for this part of the book cuts off at page 130.

But over all I have found this book very insightful and I can't wait to read the book that proceeded this one, Girls & Sex. Thank you Peggy Orenstein for your hard work!

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Alicia S. Webster
  • 10/02/2020

This should be required reading for parents!

This book is raw, detailed and cringe-worthy at times. And for good reason. This is the perspective of high school and college aged boys (and some girls too), discussing sexuality, relationships, social expectations on boys, boys’ true feelings around it, specific “case studies” or stories about their encounters, and how it presents itself as a result in their day to day lives. It discusses porn and how boys who have watched porn tend to view women and “normal” sexual habits, practices, and power dynamics. It talks in broad terms about consent and communication, and in more specific terms too. There is so much to learn from this book, regardless of one’s own history.

My kids are only 7 and 8, and this gives me a jumping off point to start discussing the basics of consent, inappropriate vs appropriate use of technology, openly discussing human sexuality, and more. Please, if you are a parent of any child who is college age or younger, listen to this book!!

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Luis Saavedra
  • 03/02/2020

A much-needed discussion on boys and sex.

Through many years working with teenagers I've found the one thing that all young men desperately crave is the attention of an adult. The ability to speak without being interrupted, judged, or talked down. I was pleasantly surprised to hear author Peggy Orenstein confirm this and offer plenty of advise to deal with young men's concerns and doubts regarding masculinity. This is definitely a must read for anyone who has sons or deals with teenagers in any capacity.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Stephen M Yturralde II
  • 31/01/2020

A fantastic and balanced take on Boys Sexuality

I wish I'd had this book growing up. Simply to know that other guys were thinking, feeling and doing similar things as we grew into our sexuality.

This book is a wonderful and non judgemental exploration of the reality of sex for young men today!

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • C. Amador
  • 23/01/2020

WOW!! Shocking Wake Up Call for Parents

This is amazing, in your face, here are true voices of the young men ages 16-22 in American society and the NEW view of sex and hook ups. this book is a must read for parents residing boys.