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Boys & Sex

Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity
Lu par : Peggy Orenstein
Durée : 7 h et 28 min

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Description

The author of the groundbreaking New York Times best sellers Girls & Sex and Cinderella Ate My Daughter now turns her focus to the sexual lives of young men, once again offering "both an examination of sexual culture and a guide on how to improve it" (Washington Post).

Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls - steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity - which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. In Boys & Sex, Peggy Orenstein dives back into the lives of young people to once again give voice to the unspoken, revealing how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy.

Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word "hilarious" robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2020 Peggy Orenstein (P)2020 HarperAudio

Ce que les auditeurs disent de Boys & Sex

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Lilyfee
  • 12/01/2020

A must-read for anyone who knows young men

In Boys & Sex, researcher Peggy Orenstein explores how toxic masculinity affects the sexual behavior of American Millenial and Gen Z boys. Her basic premise is that from an early age, male children in this demographic are taught to limit their emotional vocabulary, which only gets worse as they are exposed to media stereotypes, free internet porn, lack of sexual education at home and at school, and the unfulfilling expectation or reality of hookup culture, all of which combine to negatively impact their emotional and sexual literacy.

I identified with a lot of the anecdotal research in Boys & Sex. In particular, I like how the author explains that while the definition of womanhood has expanded to include many different types of women, men are still stuck with a 1950s ideal of male empowerment which basically consists of being stoic, dominant and emotionally inaccessible at all times (think Don Draper).

While I felt at times that Peggy Orenstein relied too much on her own assumptions and inherent biases when drawing conclusions about American boys, I would recommend this book, or at least the resources inside it, to everyone. It’s clearly targeted at parents with sons in high school and college but if you know any boys or young men, you will gain valuable insight into their lives and psyches from Boys & Sex. And no matter who you are, you will likely learn something about yourself too.

I really appreciate that rather than simply leaving the reader helpless to address the many factors influencing teen boys today - for example, the paywall hindering access to ethical, feminist porn and more broadly, ethical, feminist media in general - the author provides resources and tips for preventative and reformative measures. As a woman, I’m aware that I am disproportionally expected to provide emotional labor to men, but I was not familiar with research showing that young boys flat out do not express their feelings to other boys or men, meaning that women such as mothers or girlfriends are often their only confidantes. The author recommends that adults, especially father figures, talk to young boys about their feelings just as we would talk to young girls about theirs.

I also really liked the author’s ideas about restorative justice in cases of campus sexual assault (think the Aziz Ansari “Me Too” accusation), and her advice that parents should consistently emphasize the importance of sex as pleasure for everyone involved. As someone whose sexual education in school was only slightly more informative than the classic Mean Girls lines, “Don’t have sex. You will get pregnant and die,” and “If you touch each other, you will get chlamydia and die,” I feel that children and teenagers would benefit immensely from sexual education that touches on emotional as well as physical well-being. It seems incredibly novel that future generations of children and teens might be taught to touch themselves and others consensually for the purpose of pleasure, without the pressure and miscommunication that hinders my generation’s sexuality.

Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone. I would have appreciated more research regarding different demographics of boys and men but I learned a lot from this book and I’m sure I will consult it regularly.

The author did a good job narrating.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • paul
  • 09/01/2020

excellent Read missing end of Chapter 4

it's a fantastic read. very thought provoking. however chapter four is cut short. I may have to purchase paper back to read end of the chapter.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    2 out of 5 stars
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  • Chacko Supreme
  • 11/04/2020

Misleading

I found the complete lack of diversity in the different types of masculinity to be an incredibly low blow to men/boys everywhere.
She seems to interview only jocks/athletic types and members of fraternities and then uses their stories to paint a picture about ALL boys and men. I found this to be incredibly misleading or rather she is talking about maybe 25% of people who identify as "masculine men" and not at all representative of us as a complete group.

Her narration is good, the book is easy to follow along, and I think she answers her own objective that she set out to do.

I also think her suggestions on how to help boys/men and to help reduce rape are right on par.

I just was really upset that none of the guys she interviews are relatable to how I grew up or my idea of masculinity at all - nor my perceptions of male sexuality.

I came to this book looking for introspection and found it completely not relatable.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • S. Summers
  • 17/02/2020

A necessary read

This text should be mandatory reading for parents, teachers, school administrators, legislators, and anyone else who deals with young people or makes rules governing them.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus
  • 13/02/2020

Fantastic

I'm a sociologist with a specialty in sex and gender, and I can't recommend this book highly enough. For anyone who is a parent of a teen boy, or anyone who works with males who are teens or young adults, this provides such a wonderful insight into their struggles, sexual encounters, fears, motivations, and goals. Orenstein writes with passion, clarity, and compassion.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • eileen
  • 17/07/2020

A must read for all people

I have a son but this is helpful for all parents. I would highly recommend this for anyone interested in shifting culture for the better.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • lulujane
  • 13/07/2020

Must read/listen for parents - Eye Opening

I don’t think you can ever feel fully prepared for what comes at you as a parent. As my boys get older I have wanted to try to learn as much as I can so I can attempt to help them safely and respectively navigate relationships through their high school and college.
After listening to this book I have decided to listen to Girls and Sex too. I have two nieces that live right up the street. I’m hoping that the book will help me to better understand what they are headed for as well.
My boys are 11 and 13. I’m glad I bought this book now. I will be passing on the title to friends.
Lastly, there are some reviews with unhappy readers. I think Peggy did a good job covering a lot of different boys in one book. This was one of the more engaging parenting books I’ve listened to.

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • saborden
  • 16/06/2020

As a mother of two teenage sons...

This was such a wonderful tool to help guide important discussions with my teenage sons. During my first listen I took notes to be sure I didn’t forget things I wanted to talk about with my boys. But even with my notes I realized I wasn’t going to be able to articulate the points as well as the author and I wanted our conversations to be helpful. So, what I ended up doing was having my sons listen to one chapter and then after dinner we would go for a walk and discuss the chapter (I still had my notes :) We did this over 3-4 weeks so it wasn’t seen as homework or just another thing on the to-do list. The wonderful thing is that they were totally agreeable to doing this (once I assured them we could go at our own pace and that the chapters were no longer than an hour each). We’ve had some great conversations and they both told me they’ve gotten a lot out of the book and our discussions. My boys are 16 & 18.
I strongly encourage parents to use this book as a tool to help approach tough to talk about topics. Obviously helping our sons become good, healthy, balanced men involves more than just this book, it’s a never ending growth process. But I figured, I want better for my boys than I had. Isn’t that what all parents want for their children?

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Andrew Sale
  • 15/06/2020

Father of a son. Incredibly insightful

The way the author brings real world stories from real people to paint a vivid picture of something that often gets looked at as a “gray area” is incredible. I have a (now) 10 year old son, and this will help me shape the dialogue moving into his teen years and beyond.

  • Global
    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Jim S.
  • 13/06/2020

Without Exception, Politically Correct

There is nothing here to glean from the author's studies of this powerful and sometimes overwhelming time in a boy's life, and how we might better understand and support them. This is not a study from their perspective, but from hers.

She makes a point to include the names of every male recently accused, rightly or wrongly, of sexual misdeeds on what seems to be her mission to support the premises of the #metoo movement. What a shame that this interesting and important subject couldn't be studied and reported by someone without their own glaring and tiring agenda.