For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I called myself an insomniac. Out loud, to other people, and in my own head.

It felt like the truth. Looking back, calling myself an insomniac was doing real damage.

Why the word keeps you stuck

Every time you say you're an insomniac, you build an identity around it. Insomnia stops being something you're going through and starts being who you are.

And once it's who you are, your brain starts watching for proof. Every bad night confirms it. Every good night feels like luck.

That watching keeps the alarm in your brain on. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

So here's what I tell my clients. You're not an insomniac. You're you. Insomnia is something you're dealing with for a while, and things you go through come to an end.

Stop making sleep the main thing you talk about

The same goes for talking about it.

You complain about it to friends, to family, to yourself. I get why. It feels good to get it off your chest for a minute.

But most people won't get what you're going through. A lot of them will give you advice that doesn't help, like "just relax" or "have you tried melatonin?" And every talk about your sleep makes it a bigger deal, not a smaller one.

When people asked how I slept, I used to say it was okay, even when it wasn't. Now I tell my clients to do the same, but for a different reason. Not to hide it. To stop making sleep the thing everybody talks about.

So when someone asks, say "I slept fine," and talk about something else. Talk about the things you'll talk about once your insomnia is gone. That's good practice for the life you want back.

It's okay to lean on a partner or a close friend. Just make sure they understand what you're working on. Otherwise they might say things that pull you the other way.

Your worst nights are your best chance

Here's something that sounds backwards at first.

If you want to become less afraid of bad nights, the bad nights are where it happens. Not the good ones.

You don't get over the fear of not sleeping when everything is going great, or when you have a random good night and don't know why. You get over it by facing the thing you're afraid of, and seeing that you can handle it.

On some of my worst nights I felt like I got exactly 0 hours of sleep. The next day I was drained, fatigued, exhausted. But I still went through it.

Every time you get through a day like that, your brain learns something. That a bad night isn't the emergency it thought it was.

So the next rough night, ask yourself two questions. Can I see tonight as practice, a chance to fight less and get used to being awake? And can I see tomorrow as a chance to prove I can get by, and maybe even have a good day?

Your challenge this week

Two things.

First, drop the word insomniac. If it comes out, say "I'm going through insomnia" instead.

Second, the next time someone asks how you slept, say "I slept fine," and change the subject.

Every time you do this, sleep gets a little less important to your brain. And the less important it is, the more the alarm can come down. Once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

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To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.