In this episode of The Welcome Distraction Podcast, the Kemp Brothers bravely do what ESPN analysts are too scared to do: publicly rank the absolute worst fan bases in sports history and willingly risk getting yelled at online by people whose profile pictures are truck selfies and blurry championship banners from 30 years ago.

From the moment Miami Heat fans show up halfway through the second quarter because “traffic was crazy,” to Yankees and Dodgers fans casually buying championships like it’s a Steam sale, the brothers break down exactly what makes certain sports fan bases unbearable to exist around. The Raiders fan base somehow lands on the list despite looking like a rejected Mad Max cosplay convention, while Houston Astros fans continue defending trash-can baseball like it belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Things only get more unhinged as the episode dives into Alabama football fans screaming “Roll Tide” with the confidence of people who think Nick Saban personally knows them, Philadelphia fans treating sporting events like underground fight clubs, and Boston fans reliving championships from 2004 like it’s a sacred historical event taught in schools.

Of course, no ranking of delusional sports fans would be complete without THE Ohio State fan base acting like college football was invented exclusively for them, Lakers fans pretending they’ve “been loyal forever” despite switching teams every decade, and Cowboys fans… existing. The Kemp Brothers unload on Dallas fans still emotionally living in 1995, especially the ones who’ve never stepped foot in Texas but somehow own six Dak Prescott jerseys and start every season screaming, “THIS IS OUR YEAR.”

The episode hilariously explores the line between passionate fandom and full-blown sports insanity, proving that loyalty is admirable right up until someone punches a hole in drywall because a backup kicker missed a field goal.

If you’ve ever argued sports with a stranger online, screamed at your TV like the players can hear you, or met a Cowboys fan in the wild, this episode is your therapy session.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction: Ranking the Worst Fan Bases

01:13 #10 Miami Heat: Casual and Spoiled

03:23 #9 Yankees and Dodgers: Wealthy and Fair-Weather

06:13 #8 Las Vegas Raiders: Clueless and Clinging to Past

08:24 #7 The Houston Astros (aka The Cheaters)

09:50 #6 University of Alabama: Roll Tide!!!

11:43 #5 Philadelphia Sports Fans: Ruthless and Obnoxious

16:28 #4 Boston Celtics and New England Patriots: Insufferable and Nostalgic

18:51 #3 THE Ohio State: Overconfident and Rivalrous

21:30 #2 Los Angeles Lakers: Bandwagon and Entitled

24:24 #1 Dallas Cowboys: The Most Delusional Annoying Fan Base

27:05 Conclusion: The Nature of Passionate and Delusional Fans