In today’s edition of The Update Journal… McDonald’s has officially decided that burgers were just the opening act, and now they’re coming for your entire beverage identity. Cold foam, refreshers, mystery fruit combinations… at this point, they’re one oat milk away from opening inside a yoga studio.

Meanwhile, the ice cream truck economy is booming again, which means Mr. Softee is back on the streets like a seasonal superhero—serving joy, playing that one song on loop, and charging prices that suggest inflation hit soft serve personally.

And then there’s Brandon’s Take, where we ask the important question: why is EVERYTHING exclusive now? Want to watch a game? Exclusive. Want a deal? App only. Want basic access to anything without downloading, subscribing, or sacrificing your firstborn? Yeah… good luck with that.

It’s a world of cold drinks, cold cash, and even colder access—and somehow, we’re all just expected to tap the app and smile.

In the headlines on #TheUpdate this Wednesday, the goon accused of gunning down a beloved East Village deli worker was rounded up in a massive federal gang takedown a decade ago — and came back to allegedly terrorize the neighborhood.

The woman at the center of Harvey Weinstein ‘s repeatedly retried rape case testified — for the third time — Tuesday that the former Hollywood honcho trapped her in a New York hotel room and assaulted her, ignoring her pleas not to do anything sexual.

And in Washington, King Charles III marked the 250th anniversary of American independence from Britain with gratitude that the two countries united to build “one of the most consequential alliances in human history” while urging “that we ignore the clarion calls to become ever more inward-looking.”