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It_s not that bad

It_s not that bad

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 A man loses his job. His wife tells him it is not that bad. A woman receives a cancer diagnosis. Her friend tells her it is not that bad. A teenager is bullied at school. His parents tell him it is not that bad. The phrase is meant to comfort. It does not comfort. It dismisses. It minimizes. It isolates.

In this episode, I examine the damage caused by the reflexive urge to minimize other people's pain. The person who says it is not that bad is not trying to be cruel. They are trying to help. They are failing. The person who is suffering hears something different. They hear that their pain is not valid. They hear that they are overreacting. They hear that no one understands.

The episode explores the psychology of invalidation and offers a simple alternative. Instead of saying it is not that bad, say I am sorry you are going through this. Instead of offering solutions, offer presence. Instead of minimizing, acknowledge. The person who is suffering does not need to be told that things could be worse. They know things could be worse. They need to know that someone sees how bad things are right now.

Turn down the lights, put on your headphones, and press play because it is not that bad is the most damaging phrase in the English language.
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