Episode 93: After Ever Happy

We're back in the After-verse with the fourth installment, "After Ever Happy" - a title that is grammatically, philosophically, and spiritually baffling. Picking up immediately after the bombshell revelation about Hardin's biological father, we watch our favorite rage-fueled protagonist do what he does best: set things on fire. Specifically, his mom's living room couch. With whiskey. Which, as anyone who's taken high school chemistry knows, absolutely cannot ignite from a half-empty bottle of 40% ABV liquor. But sure, let the couch go up in flames while Christian takes the fall because he's got "good lawyers."

What follows is 90 minutes of emotional whiplash as Hardin and Tessa break up and get back together with the reliability of a faulty light switch. London party scene? Shirtless Hardin in nothing but a leather jacket. Ubers? They keep canceling on him (relatable king). Tessa's dad? Found in the bathroom with the most pristine-looking heroin overdose in cinematic history. And every single emotional breakthrough? Happens in Carol's backyard greenhouse. Every. Single. One.

Peak Dumpster Moments:

• The Bulgarian doctor returns with zero bedside manner. No preamble. No comfort. Just vibes.
• Hardin's childhood flashback features a kid who looks absolutely nothing like him. Different coloring, different features. The casting director was on lunch.
• A fake text message with font size 75 that looks like it was designed for someone's great-grandmother's Jitterbug phone.
• A throwaway party line that DEMANDS a full origin story we'll never get.
• The captions credit Ken's dialogue to "Christian." Wrong dad, subtitle team.
• Five months of character development conveyed entirely through Tessa getting bangs.
• Hardin wrote a book called "After" and Tessa's review of the manuscript is chef's kiss: "No one wants to read this sick sh*t."
• The ending is literally just "To Be Continued." That's it. That's the movie.

The Verdict: Still a 4.8 on IMDb, forever hovering in that "not quite a 5" zone these films call home. At least Hardin's going to AA now. Baby steps. One more movie to go, and we're told it's the worst one yet. Can't wait.

Coming Up Next: Back to My Life with the Walter Boys, because we clearly enjoy suffering.

IMDB

Rotten Tomatoes