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Avoidant

How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner
Lu par : Joe Farinacci
Durée : 5 h et 29 min
4.5 out of 5 stars (2 notations)

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Description

Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.

People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.

The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).

Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.

©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb Kinnison

Ce que les auditeurs disent de Avoidant

Notations
Global
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  • Global
    4 out of 5 stars

A good analysis

Very useful. I found it a little lacking in empathy towards the 3 insecure attachment styles and would have liked more on the practical approaches to adopt in dealing with avoidant and anxious partners and friendships.

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Jolene Monheim
  • Jolene Monheim
  • 10/04/2015

Worth a listen!

As a person married to an avoidant I learned a great deal. Especially, that there is hope. I always wondered what was wrong, why my husband didn't take my needs into consideration, and thought that I was the problem... I'm an anxious avoidant. This book gave me a lot of information and my husband is listening to it too and finds it beneficial. We are practicing kindness and empathy!

18 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    2 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Stacy Lee
  • Stacy Lee
  • 12/05/2018

Derogatory towards woman/outdated/ female shaming

I was so looking forward to listening to this audiobook as I am a fan of John Gottman. I am 50 years old, with 2 daughters and I am a business owner- co owner with my husband. I was quite surprised how the author always refers to the caregiver as the mother and places blame on her ( references always dictated as the mother and not the father)
at fault for attachment difficulties. I can listen to this audiobook and gather tidbits that may contribute to aspects of improvement in my life, thankful that I have zero tolerance to a book that takes a narcissist view of child rearing, neglecting the father’s role and impact of his presence, and in fact blaming the mother for outcomes of the child.

24 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour TravelnFam
  • TravelnFam
  • 26/12/2017

Helpful, but could be more so

This was a good book to listen to, particularly after determining the attachment styles for myself and of the important people in my life. I did not think the narrator was very engaging, but it wasn't too bad. This book seems to be one that might be better in print, but I got along fine with the audio version. Though the information was helpful, I did get the impression that the author is a bit too judgmental and critical of avoidants, even though my purpose for going through this book was to determine next steps with the avoidant(s) in my life. I do recommend it, but maybe not enthusiastically.

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Veruka
  • 01/06/2017

Stop while you are behind

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
I think books like these may do more harm than good. I was like aha I have figured out the mystery to relationships and realized we are all doomed. Far too black and white and not true. Some of us avoid and some of us cling but that does not mean either party is wrong. Don't demonize your spouse instead look in the mirror, pull your own planks.

Would you listen to another book narrated by Joe Farinacci?
Greal narration and for that reason I took it far too seriously.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Avoidant?
Nothing, great book.

Any additional comments?
Yes I think there is hope for most every relationship. I think we are all a little narcissistic. I also believe if we gave a little more than we received we would be loved a little more every day. Relationships are investments, treat yourself like your new car or your brand new house , cherish your relationship. On that note read the book Cherish.

14 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour 509Cougs
  • 509Cougs
  • 01/05/2017

Author Holds No Quarter

There's no sugar coating here. Be prepared to take a good look at your ugly self.

8 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • KStarr
  • 16/04/2016

One step closer to better you

I strongly suggest this book for anyone that is struggling to find understanding and clarity in an otherwise confusing and/or frustrating relationship ... especially one that seems to be conflicting, hypocritical and misleading.

6 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Autumn Roth
  • Autumn Roth
  • 23/09/2018

A life changer !! A must read for ANYONE partnered

Without this book, I would have lost my husband and Home, and would have continued on the aimless path, seeking out the “jerks”

I am still married to the “jerk” but with this book, I was able to take “me” out of the equation, to see that it was with empathy and understanding he wasn’t trying to hurt me, he was just so hurt as a child, he didn’t really learn HOW to be empathic and closely bonded... once I took this info to heart, we both are much happier since he learned my needs as well.... it saved my marriage, home, and happier than ever!!! The way it’s written and dictated, it’s very clear and spot on!

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • colette
  • 03/01/2017

Useful

A good companion to John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Especially if you have a "stonewalling" spouse.

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Buyer
  • Buyer
  • 30/08/2017

Don't Even Think About Dating an Avoidant!

Save yourself some heartache. Learn how to spot these individuals and steer clear of them. This book helped me understand that it's really NOT me.

10 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Jeremy Q Wilbanks
  • Jeremy Q Wilbanks
  • 31/08/2019

Great Read?

For anyone looking to understand themselves better as well as the closet people in their lives from an attachment stand point this is the boom for you. The author does a great job explaining concepts and ideas. It helped me a ton as I broke up with my dismissive-avoidant partner. I can now see how we co-mingled for so many years. I can finally move forward opening myself up to a more secure attachment style.
Buy this book, trust me totally worth it! No 🧠 er

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour SE7EN11
  • SE7EN11
  • 26/03/2016

wow

just the right book at the right time for me. another point of view on what often is just considered narcissitic people (most often said to be the male part of a relationship) vs needy people (mist often... the female...). in this book this myth is kind of clarified, and that it's rather a relationship where one of the members is an dismissive avoidant and the other (e.g.) an anxious preoccupied. and this is in my opinion a rather realistic pov.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Canu
  • Canu
  • 06/07/2019

learned so much about myself and others

this book could really help you to love someone who seems emotionally unavailable or to learn more about your own attachment style

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Vida Ck
  • Vida Ck
  • 31/12/2018

A very good book with a very annoying voice

The content is very good and I am highly interested in the topics of love and attachment. The voice is very good but totally not suitable to the content. Intimate relationships are discussed and the voice sounds like from a war saga. I mean it is a really good voice, very clearly pronouncing etc and it would be perfect for motivational, war, action or even business books. But constant active 'calling to a war' tone is absolutely not suitable for a book discussing intimacy and romance. The voice does not match the book's 'atmosphere' to the point where it becomes annoying and even triggering. I must switch it off even though I would really like to keep listening.