Fifty-four treatment facilities for alcoholism. Fifty-four million relapses. Five arrests. Four DUIs. Three fractured vertebrae. Two stints in jail. One skinny little gay boy.

This memoir chronicles the escapades of aspiring actor and writer Charlie Gray, his downward spiral into a vodka bottle, and his profound realizations about life, family, friends, booze, trauma, and relapse as a now-recovering alcoholic.

Charlie spent eleven years as a high-functioning, chronically relapsing drunkard. Beginning with his graduation from Drury University at age twenty-three, this book follows Charlie's journey across twelve states, where he's exposed to the glittering underbelly of an addictive lifestyle through his stints in multiple rehabs, detoxes, sober homes, and psychiatric wards. It is with these zany, visceral, and illuminating stories that he weaves a message of growth and authenticity. His dreams were faded, smashed by the stain of vodka, yet he found a way to lift himself from those depths. A way to recapture and repurpose his zest for life.

His story offers unique insight into the method and mind of a habitually relapsing alcoholic, and the tools necessary to combat such an affliction. Charlie provides a candid tale for those who feel they're forever doomed to be addicted, forever doomed to be in search of their identity and dignity. He is a friend in need to the still suffering alcoholic and addict, a source of solace in our dark, drunken hours. Those gross, cringe-inducing things you've done in your addiction? He's done them, too. You're not alone. You're not wrong. You can recover.