What in the clam shell does a mermaid have to do to find true love?
I’m bored. And if I’m being honest, I’m jealous. I want my sister to have her happily ever after. I do. But I want my own adventures and my own true love. For 200 years, I’ve suffered through one immortal asshat after another while stuck on Mystical Isle. And while running a tourist trap for humans might be entertaining, I’m never going to find my true love in this sea of monotony.
Of course, there is a Selkie...the sexiest, most idiotic man-seal I’ve ever had the misfortune of swimming across - definitely an asshat. Unfortunately, the dork still invades my dreams on a regular basis.
I finally have a shot at an adventure. I must save our island home. However, the mission is to seek out the very Selkie who stole my heart...the same asshat whose johnson I’d tried to truncate.
Holy hell and seashells. Only I would agree to a tsunami waiting to happen. Ask any tuna you happen to see: Who’s the craziest mermaid? That would be me.
What in Poseidon’s rum-soaked arse does a 300-year-old Selkie do when his parents desert him and leave him to fend for himself? I mean, my gods, laundry and cooking are dangerous business.
Wait. What would Aquaman do? More specifically - what would Jason Momoa do? He would save the day and the damsel.... I simply needed to find a day and a damsel to save.
Maybe the only thing missing in my life is the beautiful blue-haired mermaid who wants to lop my johnson off. Wait. No. A johnsonless Selkie is not something to which I aspire.
And to make matters worse, my mother is up my backside for grand-Selkies.... Grand-Selkies mean I have to impregnate someone. Impregnating someone means I have to find a mate. Finding a mate means I have to get a job and use my gift - whatever that is.
This could be a problem. Whatever. I’m going for it. Why? Because that’s what freakin’ Aquaman would do.