Buff Orpington, Multiversal Man of Mystery

There are bad missions, disastrous missions, and missions that end with you stranded in a nightmare future because a former teammate sold you out to a league of melodramatic supervillains with too much money and the moral flexibility of an uplifted ferret on meth.

Buff Orpington is having one of those weeks, and it's only Tuesday.

The mission was supposed to be simple: infiltrate the League of Conspicuous Evil’s evil mountain lair of evilness, capture its leadership, and put a permanent stop to one of the most aggressively ridiculous criminal empires on Earth.

Instead, the mission goes catastrophically sideways and, with the aid of a quantum handwavium nonsense portal device, Buff and his team wind up a thousand years in the future where homicidal machinery, ancient rivalries, and technobarbarians are ever present.

Now everybody is looking to Buff for leadership, heroism, and answers. Awkward, because Buff is just making it up as he goes along and when one's staring down a cyborg velociraptor, 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' won't cut it.

Buff Orpington's memoirs begin here, with Buff Orpington versus the League of Conspicuous Evil being book one of the Buff Orpington and the Technobarbarians trilogy.