Every once in a while, a conversation comes along that makes you pull out your earbuds and stare into the middle distance. This is one of those.

My guest today didn't come to promote a book or launch a course. He's here because he's a good friend with hard-won wisdom — and the rare ability to articulate what's actually going on inside. Meet Brian Boecker, therapist at Restoring the Soul in Denver, Colorado, and an Enneagram Nine who has spent years doing the slow, unglamorous, profoundly important work of finding himself.

We go deep on what it really means to belong versus simply fit in, why desire is so terrifying to name out loud, and how anger — when you stop running from it — turns out to be something closer to a life force than a liability. Brian is disarmingly honest about the ways he's learned to disappear, the slow work of becoming solid, and what it looks like to finally walk through the door you've been standing in front of your whole life.

Whether you're a Nine or you love one, this conversation will give you a richer, more compassionate picture of what's actually going on beneath that calm surface.

What happens when two powerful paths—Buddhism and the Enneagram—sit down for a conversation?

In this episode, Ian welcomes author and Buddhist teacher Susan Piver (The Buddhist Enneagram) to explore the overlap between these two systems. Susan's new book, The Buddhist Enneagram, offers a fresh lens on personality—not as something to fix, but as something to understand, soften, and ultimately hold with compassion.

This conversation goes beyond personality labels and into something deeper: How your patterns form, why they stick, and how awareness—not willpower—is what actually creates change.

If you've ever felt stuck in your reactions, overwhelmed by your emotions, or quietly convinced you're "doing life wrong," this episode offers a different path forward.

Together, they unpack:

• How the Enneagram and Buddhism overlap (and where they challenge each other)

• The difference between mindfulness and awareness (and why both matter)

• How meditation helps you notice your reactions without being ruled by them

• Why trying to "fix yourself" often backfires—and what works instead

• How Enneagram subtypes shape conflict, connection, and relationships

As always, this isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming more fully who you already are—with a little more grace along the way.

Susan Piver is a Buddhist teacher, meditation instructor, and author of The Buddhist Enneagram. Her work bridges ancient wisdom and modern psychology, helping people cultivate compassion and awareness in everyday life.

If this episode resonates, follow the show so you don't miss future conversations on the Enneagram, relationships, and spiritual growth.

Know someone who's deep into the Enneagram—or stuck in their patterns? Send this their way. It might be exactly what they need to hear.

Most of us think we're avoiding hard conversations because we don't know what to say.

But that's not really the problem.

In this episode, Ian and Anthony dive into the real reason we sidestep the conversations that matter most—and it has a lot less to do with skill and a lot more to do with what's happening inside of us.

Because here's the truth: you can have the best negotiation strategy in the world, but if you don't understand the emotional dynamics underneath the conversation, you're going to be dead in the water.

As part of our Courageous Conversations series, this episode serves as the emotional intelligence companion to negotiation—helping you move from avoidance to clarity, from anxiety to grounded confidence.

Ian unpacks:

• Why we were never taught how to have hard conversations (and what we learned instead)

• The "fool's choice" that keeps us stuck between silence and relational fallout

• How the stories we tell ourselves quietly shape our emotions and reactions

• The three common narratives (victim, villain, helpless) that sabotage connection

• A simple but powerful 5-step framework to actually have the conversation

• What to do when things go sideways—and how to restore safety in real time

Along the way, you'll discover that the goal isn't just to "say it better"—it's to show up differently.

Because hard conversations don't ruin relationships. Avoiding them does.

So as you listen to this episode, ask yourself: "What's one conversation you've been avoiding—and what would it look like to walk into it just a little more prepared?"

**This episode is part of our ongoing Courageous Conversations series—where we're learning how to speak honestly, navigate tension, and build stronger, more trust-filled relationships in the places that matter most.