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Trial & Error & Error Podcast

Trial & Error & Error Podcast

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Two work besties thriving in their late 20s, (or attempting to). Relationships, work, family, society expectations... And the return of Lindsay Lohan. You know what they say: ”3rd time’s the charm!” Our goal is to make ”Fetch” happen.Copyright 2025 All rights reserved. Sciences sociales
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  • 60. Is ‘the ick’ intuition or self-sabotage?

    60. Is ‘the ick’ intuition or self-sabotage?
    Oct 7 2026
    🎧 The Ick: Intuition or Self-Sabotage? 🤢💘🧠 He ran for the bus. He missed it. You watched the whole thing happen. And suddenly… you can never look at him the same way again. 😭 Welcome to THE ICK — that horrifying moment when someone you were perfectly attracted to does one tiny, inexplicable thing and your entire body responds with: absolutely not. But is the ick actually your intuition screaming “girl, RUN 🚩”… or is your brain desperately searching for an escape route because someone emotionally available had the audacity to like you back? 👀 In this episode, we're putting the ick under the microscope. 🔬 We’re looking at where the term came from, how Love Island and social media turned it into a dating phenomenon, and — plot twist — what actual psychological research has to say about it. We’re talking disgust, attraction, attachment, perfectionism, dating apps, choice overload, relationship self-sabotage and intuition to figure out whether your ick deserves to be trusted… or interrogated. Because there's a VERY big difference between: 🚩 “He is rude to waiters.” and 😭 “I saw him running with a backpack on.” One might be useful information. The other might require us to collectively log off TikTok. ✨ Key Takeaways 🤢 The ick is actually being studied. Recent psychological research describes it as a sudden feeling of disgust toward a potential romantic partner, often triggered by seemingly minor behaviours. 📊 You're definitely not alone. One 2025 study found that around 64% of participants had experienced the ick, with women reporting it more frequently than men. 🧠 Disgust has a purpose. Our brains evolved disgust responses partly to help us avoid threats — but that doesn't mean every disgust reaction is an accurate warning about someone's suitability as a partner. 🚩 An ick and a red flag are NOT the same thing. Disrespect, dishonesty, cruelty and incompatible values deserve attention. The way someone runs for the tram… perhaps less so. 🛡️ Sometimes the ick might be self-protection. If you suddenly start finding flaws the moment someone becomes emotionally available, vulnerability — rather than incompatibility — might be the real problem. 📱 Modern dating may be making us pickier. Research on online dating suggests that evaluating large numbers of potential partners can create a “rejection mindset,” where we're increasingly likely to say next. 💭 Your intuition isn't nonsense — but it isn't infallible either. Automatic feelings about our partners can contain meaningful information, but our reactions can also reflect fears, expectations, perfectionism and learned associations. 💘 Everyone is eventually cringe. Long-term intimacy means witnessing another human being run awkwardly, sneeze weirdly, wear questionable pyjamas and occasionally embarrass themselves. Unfortunately, babe… you are also somebody's potential ick. 🧪 Try our ICK CHECK™ Before throwing away a perfectly good situationship because they said “yummy”, ask yourself: What actually happened? Is this about my values or my aesthetics? Would it bother me if nobody else saw it? Did the ick appear when intimacy increased? Is this a one-off moment or a genuine pattern? Our final verdict? Listen to the ick — but don't automatically obey it. Your feelings are information. They aren't always instructions. 💅🏽 Sometimes your body is saying “danger.” 🚩 Sometimes it's saying “we're incompatible.” 💔 And sometimes it's saying “I just watched that man chase a ping-pong ball and I need 3–5 business days to recover.” 🏓😭 📚 Resources & Sources Collisson, B., Saunders, E. & Yin, C. (2025). The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds. Personality and Individual Differences, 238, 113086. — One of the key empirical studies specifically investigating “the ick,” including its relationship with disgust sensitivity and perfectionism. Peel, R. & Caltabiano, N. (2021). The Relationship Sabotage Scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology, 9, 146. — Research into relationship self-sabotage, including defensiveness, trust difficulties and relationship skills. Pronk, T. M. & Denissen, J. J. A. (2020). A Rejection Mind-Set: Choice Overload in Online Dating. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 11(3), 388–396. — Research examining how repeatedly evaluating potential partners online can increase rejection. Thomas, M. F., Binder, A. & Matthes, J. (2022). The agony of partner choice: The effect of excessive partner availability on fear of being single, self-esteem, and partner choice overload. Computers in Human Behavior, 126, 106977. — Research into what happens psychologically when dating apps make us feel like we have endless options. Peters et al. (2021). Newlywed Couples' Own and Partner Sexual Disgust Sensitivities Interact to Predict...
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    41 min
  • 59. Living La Vida Loca - Being in the Friendzone

    59. Living La Vida Loca - Being in the Friendzone
    Sep 23 2026

    You are not being dramatic. You may simply be in the friendzone. 😬

    This week on Trial & Error & Error, we’re unpacking the awkward, confusing, occasionally delusional world of unrequited feelings. What exactly is the friendzone? Why do admirers keep hanging around when the romantic memo has clearly been marked “no”? And why can the person doing the rejecting sometimes feel even worse? From back burners and emotional loopholes to “I’m not ready for a relationship” and the timeless classic, “You’re like a sibling to me,” we explore the psychology behind wanting to be loved, wanting to keep someone close, and mistaking intermittent attention for a grand romantic destiny.

    We also ask whether the friendzone is really the romantic dead-end pop culture makes it out to be. Spoiler: friendship is actually one of the most common ways romantic relationships begin. So perhaps the real problem isn’t friendship—it’s staying on the emotional waiting list long after the position has been filled. 🤔

    Expect research, personal stories, questionable romantic decisions, and at least one reminder that “he’s not that into you” is sometimes the closure you were waiting for.

    💡 Key Takeaways
    • The friendzone is less “no to the person” and more “no to romance.”
    • Admirers may stay because of hope, fantasy, emotional closeness, and intermittent rewards.
    • Rejectors can experience guilt, pressure, confusion, and their own kind of emotional discomfort.
    • “Back burners” are people kept in low-level romantic or emotional contact—just in case.
    • Friendship is not the enemy of romance: many relationships begin as friendships.
    • Clear communication and boundaries are kinder than keeping someone permanently on standby.
    • You cannot convince someone to choose you—and you shouldn’t have to.
    📚 Resources & Sources

    Stinson, Cameron & Hoplock (2022) — The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance Baumeister & Wotman — Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love LeFebvre et al. (2022) — Conceptualizing the Friendzone Phenomenon Bleske-Rechek et al. (2012) — Benefit or Burden? Attraction in Cross-Sex Friendship Back-burner relationship research — Dibble, Drouin and colleagues UAntwerpen research repository iResearchNet: Unrequited Love Psychology Today: “And You Think You’ve Got It Bad” The mental-health benefits of platonic relationships

    ‼️We apologize for the inconsistent audio quality in this episode. We recorded fully online, which caused some technical limitations and differences in sound quality between speakers. Thank you for your patience and understanding—and we hope you still enjoy the conversation! ❤️
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    47 min
  • 58. The world has missed out on this Oyster - The 10 biggest mistakes of your 20s

    58. The world has missed out on this Oyster - The 10 biggest mistakes of your 20s
    Aug 26 2026

    Your 20s are basically: iced coffee ☕️, questionable texts 📱, and the bold confidence to say “I’ll start budgeting next week” 💸. So… naturally, we made an episode about it 🎙️✨

    In this week’s chaos-coded chat, we’re breaking down the 10 biggest mistakes people make in their twenties — from thinking you need to have life “figured out” by 25 🫠, to building your entire personality around your job 💼, to staying in situationships that ended 3 business months ago 💔. It’s funny, it’s a little brutal 😅, it’s wildly relatable, and it might save you from at least one emotional support spiral 🌀

    Expect laughs 😂, research-backed reality checks 🧠, and plenty of “wait… I do that” moments 😭

    Key takeaways (aka your gentle wake-up call) ✅
    • You’re not behind — you’re just early ⏳💛 Your 20s are literally designed for experimenting, failing, pivoting, and trying again.
    • Your job is something you do, not who you are 💼≠🧍 Having multiple “identities” (friend, hobbyist, gym-goer, menace) makes you more resilient.
    • Money avoidance is expensive 💸📉 Compound interest doesn’t care that you were “too young to think about investing.”
    • Love shouldn’t feel like a full-time emergency 🚨❤️ Chaos isn’t chemistry.
    • Confidence is a reward, not a prerequisite 🏃‍♀️➡️😌 Action first, confidence later.
    • Almost nothing is permanent 🔁🌍 Careers change, people reinvent themselves, and you’re allowed to pivot without a dramatic rebrand.
    Resources & sources mentioned 📚🔍 Books 📖
    • Meg Jay — The Defining Decade
    • Morgan Housel — The Psychology of Money
    • Ramit Sethi — I Will Teach You to Be Rich
    • Bill Perkins — Die With Zero
    • Brené Brown — The Gifts of Imperfection
    • James Clear — Atomic Habits
    • Oliver Burkeman — Four Thousand Weeks
    Research / concepts 🧠
    • Arnett, J. J. (2000) — Emerging Adulthood: A Theory of Development From the Late Teens Through the Twenties (American Psychologist)
    • Arnett, J. J. (2014) — Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties
    • Jay, M. (2012) — clinical work & research on the developmental importance of your twenties
    • Harvard Study of Adult Development (ongoing) — long-term findings on relationships, wellbeing, life satisfaction
    • Kahneman, D. & Tversky, A. — decision-making research (incl. Sunk Cost Fallacy)
    • World Health Organization (WHO) — young adult health & prevention guidance
    • OECD — financial literacy and youth economic wellbeing reports
    Podcast / video inspiration 🎧📺
    • The Diary of a CEO (Steven Bartlett)
    • On Purpose with Jay Shetty
    • The Mel Robbins Podcast
    • The Psychology of Your 20s
    • The School of Life (YouTube)
    • TED Talks: Meg Jay (“Why 30 Is Not the New 20”), Brené Brown (“The Power of Vulnerability”)
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    47 min
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