This episode was previously exclusive to our Patreon backers, but we're making it available to everybody to show what you're missing behind the paywall. You can get access to more Text Adventure plus a year of other subscriber episodes, at patreon.com/TotalPlaytimePodcast.

Text Adventure is our videogame book club, in which we and a guest read a videogame novelisation and try very hard to like it. In this episode we are joined by Johnny Chiodini to read Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, which turns out to be story about a neocon Alan Partridge who's totally devoid of emotional intelligence and incredibly bad at stealth. Which is quite close to how we played Splinter Cell but not, we suspect, the outcome they were aiming for for.

Music by God Ribbon, art by Marsh Davies and our entire existence care of our Patreon backers. Please consider joining them and enabling us to continue our quest to find a games book that isn't absolutely terrible.

Games!

You can still buy the first Splinter Cell game, but the remake is out soon(ish)

Links

This is the book most of us read and this is the one Nate read.

Recommendations!

Going to the charity shops in the most fancy area available to you, London Centric's snail farmer mafioso article, thermal instant cameras, and the Realms Unknown podcast which has featured our own Nate!

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It's a heady intersection of belief systems this week, as we combine Alice's insomniac enthusiasm for weird Instagram crystal sales with Nate's rigorous interrogation of Tim Cain's Types Of Quests. Plus: a horny dog, a nightmarish Pikachu, the Roman god of webinars and Games Anubis joins our increasingly incoherent pantheon.

You can listen to the episode right here, or find it in your podcasting apps:

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Nate's Quiz will be coming to Patreon next month, but in the meantime we have many other fine episodes to which you get full access by subscribing at patreon.com/totalplaytimepodcast. Thanks to all our current Patreons for making the podcast happen, and to Marsh Davies for our art and God Ribbon for our music. You can suggest quest types and your means of death at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.

Links!

Tim Cain's 9 types of Quest. The moderately nightmarish Lego Pikachu is yours for £179.99. Various people will sell you bootleg plans for Lego Metal Gear Rex and probably also the Horizon Zero Dawn Tallneck because Lego long since sold out. Facepunch offered to buy New World after it was given 12 months to live.

Games!

Assassin's Creed Origins and New World, but only if you bought it already.

Recommendations!

The Holdovers, Tokyo These Days and The Long Walk.

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