TW and CW: child sexual abuse, family sexual abuse

Welcome back to Thru the Undertow. I’m your host Nicole Lowell. In this episode, I had

the privilege of sitting down with Kalpashree Gupta. She is the owner of Knekxt and she

dreams of making a kinder world for children and women who have been sexually

abused so that they can claim their power, live their joy, and engage with life.

Kalpa experienced childhood sexual abuse and has gone through her own healing

journey in the last decade. She shares her journey and what led her to be in the position

she is in today. Together, we discuss the complexities of trauma, reporting, and healing,

while Kalpa opens up about her inspiring mission to help other victims of abuse.

We delve into the long-term effects of grooming, manipulation, and the importance of

establishing healthy boundaries for our children. Kalpa shared some insights on how

children can be confused by the people who harm them, and the significance of parents

assuring their children that they can come to them in any situation. It’s so important that

we teach our children about consent and anatomy, and we dive into this topic on the

show.

With her company, Kalpa primarily focuses on trust. She works with clients to shift their

identities from shame, blame, and guilt to feeling integrated and whole. Don't miss this

inspiring episode that sheds light on the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse

and the steps we can take to protect, support, and heal those affected.

Kalpa wants to create the safest world possible for our children, and this is a very

powerful episode. I hope it brings you some insight and encouragement that you are not

alone, you did the best you could, and your children will be okay.

Visit the Knekxt webiste: https://knekxt.com/

Connect with Kalpa on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kalpashreegupta

Welcome back to Thru the Undertow. I’m your host Nicole Lowell. I am back with another

important episode today. As a reminder, I will be sharing content and trigger warnings for these

episodes so that you can decide if this is something you can listen to right now.

Content Warning - sexual abuse, rape, male sexual assault, military sexual assault, toxic relationships, child abuse, kill, drugs, promiscuity, alcohol abuse, picking of skin and hair, verbal/psychological abuse between parents, vicarious trauma

On today’s episode, I was joined by Marissa F. Cohen. I met her through a support group for

parents of sexually abused children on Facebook. After doing more research, I learned more

about her and knew I wanted to bring her on the show so that she could share her expertise with

you all.

After struggling with her own journey of abuse, Marissa wanted to help as many people as

possible through their abuse journeys with the books she created. In her books she shares her

stories and the stories of others who have suffered abuse with a focus on the healing aspect. If

you don’t address and work through the abuse, it can become very dangerous. Marissa aims to

provide a manual to people in this situation so that they can understand how to work through

their trauma and heal.

Marissa is also a healing coach and she works with victims to find healing through various

techniques. She shares tips today for how to spot red flags when it comes to abusers, how to

talk to your kids about consent, using code words, offering safety and comfort to children that

have been abused, vicarious trauma, and so much more. Marissa has a wealth of knowledge to

share on the topic and I am so happy she joined me on the show today.

As always, I am here to listen and help how I can. Feel free to reach out with any feedback or

questions you have about the show. Please rate and review the podcast on your platform of

choice and share with those you think may benefit from hearing our message.

Until next time,

Nicole

Timestamps:

1:56 - Why Marissa decided to create her books

3:16 - What the Breaking Through The Silence series is about

4:28 - The impact of not addressing abuse at the child level

5:21 - Why children shouldn’t be forced to hug family members when they aren’t comfortable

6:33 - Not enough people talk about the abuse men suffer through

8:02 - Anybody can be an offender

9:53 - What Marissa does as a healing coach

11:19 - The Emotional Abuse philosophy Marissa uses with her clients

12:35 - How abusers use “D.A.R.V.O.” and what the acronym stands for

14: 35 -Why abusers chose their targets; it’s not about the person, it’s about control

16:22 - Five ways that we excuse abuse

19:20 - Behavior changes seen in children that are abused

21:24 - Children’s books that help children conceptualize what consent is

23:54 - Ways to talk to your kids to let them know what is and isn’t okay

25: 31 - Code words can be a great tool for helping children communicate what’s going on with

them

26:57 - Safety and comfort are the most important things a parent can offer when a child has

been abused

32:47 - How social media has affected our society

35:37 - Being aggressive and abrasive to your kids doesn’t make your kids stronger or more

resilient

37:01 - What coaching looks like with Marissa

41:24 - What vicarious trauma is and why so many parents experience it

Resources/Links to information discussed:

Get Marissa’s free ebook to learn the 3 signs of a toxic relationship at her website - https://marissafayecohen.com

• -Mention you found her on Thru the Undertow

Follow Marissa on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/marissafcohen/

Follow Marissa on...

Welcome back to Thru the Undertow. I’m your host Nicole Lowell. I am sorry for my absence, life has been happening. Hopefully, this episode will provide some additional context to our ongoing journey toward healing. As always, going forward I will try and provide all episodes with content and trigger warnings so you can decide if now is the time for you to listen to that episode or not. We all step forward at different paces and it’s okay to not be ready to hear some of what needs to be said.

TW/CW: sexual abuse, seizures, assault, hidden memories, forced control through drugs, rape. Similar content might also be present. Please don’t listen alone if you have triggers such as these listed.

On today’s episode, I’ll be diving into the good, the bad, and the ugly of my and my children’s lives over the past year including how the pandemic has greatly affected those with past abuse and traumas. The good sides include my son finding a therapist he loves working with; I’ll discuss why having the right therapist for you or your family can make or break the hurdle of long-term therapy. Other good things: the use of medical marijuana and its ability to curb the intensity of my son's trauma seizures, beginning ketamine treatments, and possible TMS therapy. It’s important to remember though, healing is a roller coaster, not a straight line. But I’m proud of my son and the hard work he’s putting in to overcome.

Also today, updates on my daughter include how different people can be more stuck in their trauma than others, as is the case with her. I’ll dive into her revictimization, poor coping mechanisms, difficulties with time-dilation perception, histrionics, school difficulties, and suicide attempts. Everyone deals with trauma in their own way and my son and daughter are no different: both had their own experiences, both have their own traumas, and both are being handled in their own ways. All I can do is support them as best I can.

On notes of self-reflection today: brain fog and how all this has made me a list maker/taker, booking all these appointments for my children while managing self-care time, and finding ways to set my own personal boundaries. Updates on how my work/life balance has shifted in the last few years because of what my kids have been through, my kids' ongoing battles with DID, as well as the difficulties I’ve faced in obtaining proper mental health care services in the state of Arizona will also be delved into this episode. Lastly, I’ll be providing an update on our family issues in Texas.

As always, I am here to listen and help how I can. I’m happy to provide resources and research where I can. Please reach out with any feedback or questions you have about the show, especially with your own experiences with healthcare provider systems in your local area so we can compare notes and maybe help you find better solutions. Please rate and review the podcast on your platform of choice and share with those you think may benefit from hearing our message.

Until next time,

Nicole

Timestamps:

2:10 - What’s coming up on the show

2:58 - What The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is about

3:43 - An update on what’s been going on in our journey

5:36 - Finding the right therapist for your child

6:06 - The problem with treating trauma seizures

8:55 - Recovery from trauma isn’t a straight line. It’s more like a roller coaster

9:45 - My daughters coping mechanisms and NMT results

13:44 - Finding the balance of healthy contact vs. what victims might look for

14:30 - The histrionics of children that have been abused

17: 36 - Sometimes feeling better isn’t possible

18:36 - One of the most difficult things as a parent is coming to terms with the thought that your child could attempt to commit suicide and there’s nothing you can do

21:02 - The importance of self-care for parents

24:02 - Telling the...