What if repentance isn’t self-castigation but a rigorous renunciation of our violence? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae explore what becomes possible when we’re safe enough, loved enough, and honest enough to admit we’ve done harm. Repentance, they argue, is the lifelong vocation of unlearning our violent shortcuts to psychological & social stability so we can make peace contagious in the midst of a world at war.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes an extensive discussion of the suicide of Judas Iscariot. Please be gentle with yourself as you listen.

You’ll hear:

• How the Law, the Gospel, and the Reformation point to movements of God in Christian history
• Why violence isn’t just physical or emotional harm
• How living Jesus’ “narrow way” is like the TARDIS — bigger on the inside!
• Why loving Jesus means grieving (not blaming) Judas Iscariot

PLUS a Daily Examen practice for training your attention toward God’s presence, noticing when you’ve turned another person into an obstacle, and imagining a more loving response tomorrow.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian mimetic theory, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and the creative adventure of Christian discipleship.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:08) - Content Warning
• (02:12) - Presentation: Repentance as Transformation
• (30:25) - Coke goes in, Coke comes out
• (36:35) - We categorically reject supercessionism
• (46:05) - The Passion is a revelation
• (55:49) - The wide way and the Tardis Way
• (01:02:35) - How are we defining violence?
• (01:11:00) - The violent deaths of Judas Iscariot
• (01:18:05) - The parable of the old and new wineskins
• (01:29:22) - "Either the new thing, or destruction."
• (01:36:28) - Judas' death is an indictment of culture, not an indictment of Judas
• (01:39:47) - Forgiveness is what divine justice looks like
• (01:43:53) - Friendship Mode and Enemy Mode
• (01:54:24) - Practicing a Daily Examen
• (02:14:29) - End Credits

Note: This podcast is a personal exploration of theology, creativity, and human experience. January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are not medical or mental health professionals, and nothing in this podcast should be understood as medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Our discussions are general and are not a substitute for personalized care. If you need medical or mental health support, we encourage you to seek care from a qualified professional.

What if obedience isn’t about mindless rule-following, but about whose voice we trust to help us interpret our reality? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae dive into the linguistic roots of the word “obedience” and draw parallels with René Girard’s concept of méconnaissance, or misrecognition. Moving from the neuroscience of human attention to Simone Weil’s theology of affliction, they look at how “The Father of Lies” warps the human imagination and how the Crucifixion re-orients us to the truth that God withholds nothing from us — not even God’s own life.

You’ll hear:

• The roots of obedience as “listening toward” and why that might change how we understand the Fall
• Why Jesus calls Satan “a murderer from the beginning,” even though we never see the devil raise a blade
• How Jesus exposes the lie at the heart of accusation without retaliating against his accusers
• Why disbelieving lies requires more than tearing false stories down — it requires learning what truth feels like in the body

PLUS January demonstrates The Work of Byron Katie, a practice of embodied inquiry that can help us stop obeying the lies that keep us trapped.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian mimetic theory, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and the neuroscience of human attention.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:10) - Presentation: Disbelieving the Devil's Lies
• (34:11) - Is background listening "listening toward"?
• (39:51) - Is willful disobedience even a thing?
• (43:08) - Are lack and abundance really opposites?
• (54:59) - Wait. Does that mean life is a bigger reality than death?!
• (01:04:26) - Compassion, attentive presence, and Girardian mediation
• (01:11:09) - What does it mean to "stop listening toward" our shame & blame?
• (01:20:40) - How do we learn to recognize truth, then?
• (01:32:05) - Introducing The Work of Byron Katie
• (01:45:09) - January demonstrates The Work
• (02:07:48) - Questioning our misrecognitions renders violence less contagious
• (02:13:26) - End credits

Note: This podcast is a personal exploration of theology, creativity, and human experience. January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are not medical or mental health professionals, and nothing in this podcast should be understood as medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Our discussions are general and are not a substitute for personalized care. If you need medical or mental health support, we encourage you to seek care from a qualified professional.

What if peace isn’t the absence of conflict, but the presence of integrity? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae explore Jesus’ startling claim that he came not to bring peace, but division — and how his presence exposes the false peace we create through compliance, control, and avoidance. Drawing on psychologist Karen Horney’s conflict coping strategies and master coach Jen Johnsen’s model of conflict-with-integrity, they imagine a nonviolent way of staying in relationship when tensions threaten to tear us apart.

You’ll hear:

• Karen Horney’s three conflict strategies (and why they produce false peace)
• How presence, truth, and kindness bring us back into wholeness
• How Thomas Merton’s little brother modeled integrity in a moment of conflict
• The power of Jesus’ prayer to see his enemies through God’s eyes — not his own

PLUS an exercise for identifying where violent social systems are mirrored in your own inner life, so you can practice peace from the inside out.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian theology, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and the power of active nonviolence to transform violent systems.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:08) - Presentation: The Theology of Peaceful Conflict
• (23:30) - A working definition of integrity
• (32:20) - Can we recognize integrity with the help of purpose?
• (41:22) - "An absence of resistance to what is"
• (43:33) - Earth as What Is, and Heaven as What Ought To Be
• (49:25) - Thomas Merton's brother models conflict with integrity
• (57:48) - Being, Doing, and dis-integration
• (01:05:34) - Is it even possible for Doing to come before Being?
• (01:13:09) - "Love your neighbor as yourself" is both individual and social
• (01:19:03) - Are our conflict strategies always obvious?
• (01:25:57) - Resentment as a warning sign
• (01:27:46) - The practice of Fractal Integrity
• (01:52:46) - The 10 Commandments and the contagiousness of love and care
• (02:00:10) - End credits

Note: This podcast is a personal exploration of theology, creativity, and human experience. January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are not medical or mental health professionals, and nothing in this podcast should be understood as medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Our discussions are general and are not a substitute for personalized care. If you need medical or mental health support, we encourage you to seek care from a qualified professional.