What if vulnerability isn’t a weakness to overcome, but a creative power to embrace? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae turn to Mary, the mother of Jesus, as the counterpoint to Eve — a living model of what it means to trust God despite confusion, risk, and pain. From the Annunciation to the wedding at Cana to the grief of the Crucifixion, they explore how Mary’s trust gave birth to divine Love in the world.

You’ll hear:

• How Mary’s response to lack at Cana rewrites Eve’s story in the Garden
• Why faith is actually the prerequisite for curiosity, not its antithesis
• Why the question of inerrancy is a category error when it comes to Christian scripture
• What becomes possible when we stay present to pain instead of escaping or controlling it

PLUS an everyday practice of curiosity and witness that transforms aggravation into trust.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian theology, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and the power of faith to create peace even in a world warped by war.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:06) - Presentation: Mary's Radical Trust in Divine Love
• (24:57) - "Two women exhorting each other to trust their experience"
• (29:28) - Mary inverts Eve's mistrust at Cana
• (31:20) - Philip Pullman, His Dark Materials, and faith as the prerequisite for curiosity
• (38:21) - Jurors and Detectives
• (41:42) - "Inerrant" is the wrong word for Christian scripture
• (48:00) - "Certainty is a gift of the Holy Spirit"
• (49:15) - Curiosity as the engine that generates Being — and by extension, Love
• (55:28) - Does the IFS Self ever feel surprised?
• (57:49) - Is lack a prerequisite for curiosity?
• (01:02:02) - How a moment of joy sparked curiosity that undermined disgust
• (01:08:53) - Genesis 19 is not about gay men, it's about who's allowed to decide who belongs
• (01:14:00) - "Every straight person in Bible times lived in the closet"
• (01:19:21) - When is it okay to stop being curious?
• (01:23:16) - How did Mary live Jesus' way despite her lack of social privilege?
• (01:27:57) - Practice: Meet your Creature, Controller, and Compassionate Witness
• (01:46:56) - End credits

Note: This podcast is a personal exploration of theology, creativity, and human experience. January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are not medical or mental health professionals, and nothing in this podcast should be understood as medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Our discussions are general and are not a substitute for personalized care. If you need medical or mental health support, we encourage you to seek care from a qualified professional.

What if blame isn’t a path to justice, but a catharsis for pain we don’t know how to process? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae continue their reading of Genesis, interpreting the story of Cain and Abel as an attempt to solve inner conflict by exporting it. Charting a connection from Eve’s self-betrayal to the brother-betrayal of her children, Jaxon and McRae draw on René Girard and Internal Family Systems to suggest that violence begins long before physical harm is done — in the moment we decide someone is an obstacle to overcome instead of a person to love.

You’ll hear:

• How internal shame becomes external blame
• Why disgust — not just desire — drives the scapegoat mechanism
• Why eliminating the “problem person” never creates lasting peace
• The important distinction between naming harm and needing a villain

PLUS practices of confession and forgiveness that interrupt self-righteousness and help us recognize ourselves in the person we blame.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian mimetic theory, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and breaking cycles of relational violence.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:21) - Presentation: Cain, Abel, and Blame as External Violence
• (23:40) - Is the Satanic accusation a moment of mimetic disgust?
• (30:15) - Can we protect against mimetic blame by healing disgust?
• (36:49) - Shame and blame in the parable of the Prodigal Son
• (41:51) - Avoiding our pain versus tormenting ourselves with it
• (46:29) - The Parable of the Weeds and the Wheat (Matthew 13:24-30)
• (57:02) - Jesus doesn't see hungry people as obstacles to his grieving
• (58:19) - Mark chapter 2 shows the escalation of blame
• (01:00:31) - Andrew shares a story of blaming
• (01:14:22) - Introducing "Eucontamination" by Paul Hoard and Billie Hoard
• (01:17:08) - Cultivating joy as an antidote to disgust
• (01:20:39) - The Hebrew etymology of Cain's name
• (01:24:34) - God cursed the serpent — but NOT the humans
• (01:30:53) - The practice of confession & forgiveness
• (01:41:06) - Unpacking what forgiveness is and isn't
• (01:49:13) - "Reality is only knowable through forgiveness"
• (01:52:15) - End credits

Click here to view this episode's transcript.

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Note: This podcast is a personal exploration of theology, creativity, and human experience. January Jaxon and Andrew McRae are not medical or mental health professionals, and nothing in this podcast should be understood as medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Our discussions are general and are not a substitute for personalized care. If you need medical or mental health support, we encourage you to seek care from a qualified professional.

What if shame isn’t just a feeling, but an internalized form of violence? January Jaxon and Andrew McRae explore a reading of Genesis 3 through the eyes of the victim, interpreting humanity’s Fall into sin as an inflicted wound, not a willful disobedience. Drawing a parallel between the anthropology of René Girard and the psychological model mapped by Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, they imagine a path beyond violence rooted in trust, integration, and the refusal to war against ourselves.

You’ll hear:

• Why we understand shame as a violence against ourselves
• How Girard’s prohibition, sacrifice, and myth echo IFS managers, firefighters, and exiles — both stabilize identity by concealing violence
• Why “perfect love casts out fear” might mean embrace, not expulsion
• What the Trinitarian nature of God may show us about a way to be human without violence

PLUS a “Letters from Unconditional Love” practice to build the habit of speaking with compassion instead of accusation.

Ideal for listeners interested in Girardian mimetic theory, Internal Family Systems as a spiritual practice, and emotionally healthy theology.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (01:02) - Presentation: Eve and the Internal Violence of Shame
• (22:17) - Where have we experienced the violence of shame?
• (35:43) - The difference between shame and humility
• (44:23) - "Perfect love casts out all fear"
• (51:13) - Mapping IFS parts with Girard's 3 characteristics of human religion
• (01:08:02) - A brief history of the Doctrine of The Trinity
• (01:24:58) -   The Trinity shows us how parts might work
• (01:37:13) - The practice of "Letters from Unconditional Love"
• (01:57:10) - End credits