In this first episode of the series, we’re exploring something that many widows quietly recognize but rarely have space to fully unpack:

The experience of identity loss after the death of a spouse.

Not just grief in the emotional sense, but the deeper internal experience of no longer recognizing yourself inside your own life.

We talk about why identity rupture is not separate from grief, but part of it. How identity is shaped in relationship. What happens when the relational system you were living inside suddenly disappears. And why the nervous system, roles, and sense of self all begin to shift at the same time.

For many widows, this shows up as:
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I don’t recognize myself.”
“A piece of me died when he did.”

This episode is about slowing all of that down and naming what is actually happening beneath the surface — not to soften it, but to better understand it.

Because when we can understand what’s happening inside of us, we can stop feeling so alone in it.

Work With Me / Stay Connected

If this resonated with you, I would love a "like," review, or share. All ways to extend the reach of my podcast to those who need to hear it.

Stay connected:

Learn more about my grief support offerings
→ [laurenlentz.com]

Follow along for daily grief reflections
Instagram: [@imsorrywerefriends]

In this episode…

I explore why suffering becomes such a common (and often misunderstood) part of widowhood and early grief and how it can quietly take root not just as pain, but as meaning, identity, and even connection.

This is not about pathologizing grief or suggesting we “do it wrong.”
It’s about gently understanding what is actually happening beneath the surface of our experience.

Because for many widows, suffering is not something we consciously choose, it is something the mind and body organize around in an attempt to make sense of profound loss.

What we cover in this episode:

1. Why widowhood often feels like suffering

How the loss of a spouse is not just emotional loss—but the loss of:

• safety
• identity
• internal orientation
• the life we organized ourselves around

And why that creates an internal experience of disorientation that can feel like survival.

2. Why suffering can feel like connection

We explore how:

• the nervous system still seeks proximity after loss
• pain can begin to feel like the only remaining link to the person who died
• suffering can become unintentionally associated with love, devotion, and meaning

And why that association is deeply human—not pathological.

3. The hidden rules that form in early grief

How beliefs can quietly form such as:

• “If I stop suffering, I am letting them go”
• “If I feel okay, I am forgetting them”
• “If I move forward, I am betraying what we had”

And how these beliefs are not logical decisions, but emotional meanings formed in shock, love, and social pressure.

4. Pain vs. suffering (and why the distinction matters)

We begin to separate:

• Pain: the raw reality of loss and longing
• Suffering: the story the mind creates about what that pain means

And how that story can begin to shape identity, time, and the way we see our future.

5. Why suffering can feel like devotion

How grief can blur into:

• loyalty
• love
• devotion
• emotional survival strategies

And why “I hurt this much = I loved this much” becomes an internal equation many people unconsciously carry.

6. The deeper layer: identity after loss

How grief is not only about missing someone—but also about:

• missing who we were with them
• losing access to versions of ourselves they brought forward
• questioning who we are without that relational reflection

And why these are identity-level disruptions, not just emotional ones.

7. Why this experience is not something you are doing wrong

A grounding reminder that:

• suffering is a human response to attachment loss
• the mind is trying to organize the unorganizable
• meaning-making is part of survival, not failure

8. A gentle reframe

You don’t have to suffer to stay connected.
You don’t have to stay in pain to honor love.

And noticing that possibility does not require change—only awareness.

Closing reflection

Nothing in this experience means you are broken, stuck, or grieving incorrectly.

It means you loved someone in a way that shaped your entire internal world—and your mind and body are still trying to orient themselves after that loss.

And over time, gently, you may begin to notice the difference between:

• what hurts because it is love
• and what hurts because it has become the only way you kn

Episode Description:

There’s a moment in grief when the outside world begins to respond to you differently.

You’re getting out of bed.
You’re showing up for your kids.
You’re going to work, answering messages, maybe even laughing again.

And from the outside… it can look like you’re “doing better.”

But internally, it can feel like something completely different.

In this episode, we explore the quiet, often unspoken tension between how grief looks… and how it actually feels.

Because functioning isn’t the same as healing.
And surviving isn’t the same as being okay.

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your grief… misunderstood… or questioned whether your experience “matches” how you appear—this conversation is for you.

What We Talk About:

• The disconnect between external perception and internal experience in grief
• Why others may see you as “strong” or “okay” before you feel that way
• How functioning can be mistaken for healing
• The emotional toll of feeling unseen or misunderstood
• The nervous system’s role in adapting after loss
• Guilt that can arise as you begin to re-engage with life
• The “push and pull” (yo-yo) experience many widows face
• Why moments of lightness do not reflect the depth of your love
• How support can unintentionally fade as you appear more “okay”

Key Reminders:

• Just because you’re functioning doesn’t mean you’re okay
• Your grief doesn’t have to match how it looks from the outside
• You are allowed to feel both—moments of presence and deep pain
• Your ability to keep going is not a betrayal of your person
• This isn’t inconsistency—it’s grief

Gentle Tools to Support You:

• Name the experience:
  “This is that space where the outside doesn’t match the inside.”
• Release the need to perform:
  You don’t have to meet others’ expectations or explain your grief.
• Be intentional with support:
  Seek out spaces where you feel seen without needing to translate your experience.

Work With Me:

If you’re looking for a space where you can be fully held in your grief—without pressure to rush, fix, or perform—I’d be honored to support you.

You can explore 1:1 coaching or my group programs at, laurenlentz.com

Connect & Continue the Conversation:

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out, share, or write a review.

Closing:

You are someone learning how to live inside of loss… while still being asked to keep living.

That is a lot to hold.

Until next time…
Big hugs, and lots of love.

In this deeply personal episode, I slow things down and return to the earliest version of myself: the one who had just lost Kevin, the one who didn’t know how she would survive.

After sharing a post that resonated deeply within the widow community, I felt called to expand on those words… not just as reflections, but as lived experiences.

This episode is an invitation to sit beside your own grief - gently, honestly, and without rushing.

Together, we explore what it can actually feel like inside early loss… and what I would say now, with the perspective of time, to the version of me who was just beginning.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The physical reality of grief: when heartbreak feels like your body might not survive it
• What’s happening when your nervous system goes into shock and survival mode
• The disorientation of losing not just your person… but your entire sense of self and future
• Why life can feel pointless, and how meaning begins to return
• The deep loneliness of feeling misunderstood by others, and finding the right kind of support
• The role of anger and rage in grief, and why they don’t need to be fixed
• Navigating motherhood in grief and the fear of not being enough for your child
• The complicated relationship with love after loss - longing, guilt, fear, and possibility
• Why joy can feel wrong at first, and how it slowly finds its way back
• What it means to lean into grief, instead of running from it

Key reminders from this episode:

• Your body is not failing you - it is responding to something overwhelming
• You don’t have to figure out your life right now, just this moment
• Not everyone will understand your grief and that’s okay
• Some emotions don’t need to be fixed, they need to be honored
• You are doing the best you can with what you have
• Love does not leave your life - it changes form
• Joy and grief can coexist
• You don’t have to rush your healing

For the woman in the early days:

If everything feels shattered…
If your body feels like it can’t hold what’s happening…
If your mind is trying to make sense of something that makes no sense…

You are not alone in this.

You don’t have to have answers.
You don’t have to know what comes next.

Just stay.

One breath.
One moment.
One step at a time.

Mentioned in this episode:

• “Grief is not an emergency, even though it feels that way.” – Marie-Claude Goudreau

Connect with me:

If this episode resonated with you, or you’re looking for support inside your grief journey:

• Follow along on Instagram: @imsorrywerefriends
• Learn more about working together: laurenlentz.com

Loved this episode?

If this episode supported you in any way, I would be so grateful if you:

• Shared it with another widow who may need it
• Left a review
• Or simply held a moment for yourself to acknowledge the strength it takes to keep going

In this episode of The Widow’s Collective Podcast, Lauren explores one of the most confusing and challenging aspects of grief: the feeling of taking steps forward only to be pulled back by unexpected waves of pain.

If you’ve ever thought you were “healing” and then been hit with intense grief out of nowhere, this episode is for you. Lauren guides you through:

• The Moment It Hits – Recognizing the small triggers and unexpected waves that can bring grief rushing back.
• The Story We Tell Ourselves – How self-judgment can amplify grief and what it really means when we feel like we’re “regressing.”
• Grief Doesn’t Move in Straight Lines – Understanding the non-linear nature of grief and how waves of intensity are part of moving forward.
• Revisiting vs. Regression – Why revisiting old feelings doesn’t mean failure, and how to honor your progress.
• Why Grief Feels So Convincing – The physiological and emotional reasons grief hits hard, even after you’ve moved through earlier layers.
• The Reframe – Gentle questions and practices to respond to intense emotions with compassion rather than judgment.
• Progress in Grief – How to see progress in subtle, quiet ways rather than as a straight line.
• A Moment of Grounding – Practical exercises to pause, breathe, and reconnect with yourself when grief feels overwhelming.

💛 Key Takeaway:
Grief isn’t a linear path, and every wave—gentle or fierce—is part of the process of moving forward. Feeling pulled back doesn’t erase your progress; it deepens your capacity to love, live, and carry your loss with presence and self-compassion.

Whether you’re navigating daily grief, sudden triggers, or the ongoing tension of life after loss, this episode offers compassion, perspective, and practical guidance for moving forward—even when it feels like twenty steps back.

In this episode of The Widow’s Collective Podcast, I share a personal reflection on Kevin’s birthday — what would have been his 43rd — and explore why certain milestone days in grief never quite lose their weight.

Grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline, and milestone days like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or even ordinary Sundays can catch you off guard, stirring up emotions you might have thought you’d moved past. I talk about:

• Why milestone days carry a different kind of weight, even years after your loss.
• How anticipatory grief and the “before/after” contrast affect the way we experience significant dates.
• Why it’s normal for milestone days to hit differently each year — sometimes heavier, sometimes lighter, sometimes unexpectedly.
• The importance of letting these days meet you where you are instead of forcing them to feel a certain way.
• How to carry, rather than “get over,” milestone grief, and find the spaces in between the waves of emotion.
• Practical ways to honor yourself on milestone days without pressure, guilt, or expectation.

Whether you’re approaching a milestone day or navigating one that’s already here, this episode is a gentle reminder that you are not alone. Your grief is valid. Your love is enduring. And your way of moving through it is enough.

🌿 Resources & Support Mentioned in This Episode

• Work With Me: If you’re looking for guidance on navigating milestone days and all the days in between, I offer one-on-one grief coaching. Details in the show notes.

💌 Connect & Stay in Touch

• Website & Coaching Info: [laurenlentz.com]
• Instagram Account: [@imsorrywerefriends]
• Free Resource – Just Breathe: [Link to freebie]

❤️ A Note to You

Milestones don’t stop mattering just because time has passed. What you had… mattered. And it still does. And what could have been… matters too. Take a breath. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing enough.

In today’s episode, we explore the often unspoken reality that both life and grief are not meant to feel effortless — even though we’re often told they should.

This conversation gently challenges the idea that healing should feel good, easy, or resolved… and instead offers a more honest perspective on what it can actually look like to move with grief over time.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

• Why discomfort doesn’t mean something is going wrong
• The emotional weight that can come with doing real inner work
• The fear many people feel around opening the door to grief
• Common misunderstandings about what “healing” is supposed to feel like
• What it means to redefine healing in the context of love and loss
• How emotional capacity is built over time — slowly and quietly
• The difference between fear and capacity when it comes to seeking support

If you are in a heavy season right now, or if you’ve been questioning whether you’re “doing grief right,” this episode is a reminder that you are not alone — and you are not doing this wrong.

If this episode resonated…

If something in this conversation spoke to you, you’re invited to take the next step in whatever way feels supportive for you.

You can:

• Share this episode with someone who may need it
• Reach out for support
• Or simply sit with what came up for you today

If you’re looking for a space to be held in your grief — one that honors both the pain and the possibility of what comes next — you can learn more about my offerings below.

www.laurenlentz.com

Stay Connected

If you’d like more support, reflections, and gentle reminders throughout your week, you can connect with me here:

Instagram: @imsorrywerefriends

When a partner dies, the loss extends far beyond their physical absence.

In this episode, Lauren explores secondary losses — the often invisible grief that comes from losing the future you thought you were building together.

These losses can include the dreams, plans, milestones, and identity that were intertwined with your partnership. They often surface slowly over time and can leave widows feeling disoriented, isolated, and unsure of how to move forward.

Lauren shares why these layers of grief are so real, why they can feel so destabilizing, and how community can play a powerful role in helping widows navigate the life that remains.

If you've ever found yourself grieving the life you thought you would have, this conversation is for you.

In This Episode

• What secondary losses are and why they can feel so profound
• The grief of losing the future you believed you were building
• Why reminders of other couples and milestones can bring unexpected waves of grief
• The identity shifts that often happen after the death of a partner
• Navigating the emotional tension between missing the life you imagined and continuing to live the life that remains
• Why connection with other widows can be deeply healing

Mentioned in This Episode

Re-Imagine: A 12-Week Group Program for Widows

Re-Imagine is a small, supportive group space for widows who are navigating the deeper layers of grief — including identity shifts, loneliness, and the question of how life begins to move forward again.

Inside the program, we explore:

• Secondary losses
• Loneliness in grief
• Rebuilding identity
• Creating meaning in life after loss
• Moving forward without leaving love behind

Enrollment for the upcoming round is currently open and will close by the end of this week.

Learn more here:
[Re-Imagine Group Grief Support for Widows]

Connect with Lauren

If this episode resonated with you, please consider:

• Subscribing to the podcast
• Sharing this episode with another widow who might need it
• Leaving a review to help more widows find this support

Website: laurenlentz.com
Instagram: @imsorrywerefriends

A Gentle Reminder

Grieving the life you thought you’d have is a real and valid part of loss.

You are not broken.
You are not grieving “wrong.”

You are someone who loves deeply — and is learning how to carry that love forward in a life that looks different than you once imagined.

Big hugs and lots of love. 🤍