Happy Presidents' Day, Good Girls! In this special holiday episode, we cover the messy sex scandals of U.S. presidents who turned the Oval Office into their personal playground. We ranking the skankiest (reappropriating that word for problematic men) commanders-in-chief based on their extramarital exploits, power imbalances, and sheer audacity.

From Warren G. Harding's cringe-worthy love letters signed by his penis "Jerry," to LBJ whipping out "Jumbo" to explain foreign policy, JFK's legendary (and suspiciously short) quickies, Bill Clinton's saxophone seduction vibes, and the most problematic, Thomas Jefferson...we're not holding back. We debate who's the absolute top-tier problematic slut (spoiler: coat-closet sex and hush-money payoffs feature heavily), shout out the brave women who spoke up, and give honorable mentions to the non-problematic loyal ones (looking at you, John Adams and Barack).

Trigger warning: Lots of abuse-of-power talk here, because "slutty" in this context usually means deeply unethical. Join us in celebrating....or something like that??...our nation's horniest historical figures. Bonus: We tie up loose ends from last episode's Aaron Rodgers/Gollum conspiracy corner. Presidents' Day weekend...maybe there's a reason it's associated with mattress super sales.