In this rich, wide-ranging conversation, Safrianna sits down with Women's Empowerment Coach and Executive Coach Johanna Lyman (she/they) to explore what men really want — and why the answer might surprise you. Spoiler: it's not what society has been telling us.

Johanna brings 20 years of experience as an executive coach, a mystery school background, a stint as an exotic dancer, and a trauma-informed lens to this conversation. Together, Safrianna and Johanna unpack the distortions patriarchy has placed on masculine identity, the epidemic of male loneliness, and why "men only want sex" is actually a profound misreading of the human need for connection.

They discuss the divine masculine and divine feminine — energies that live within all of us regardless of gender — and how toxic masculinity has warped those energies into something that harms everyone, men included. From Brene Brown's research on shame to the incel movement to the miniseries Adolescence, they trace how unhealed trauma and emotional starvation are playing out at a cultural and political level.

Johanna shares how her time as an exotic dancer taught her that men's deepest longing isn't sex — it's to be seen, heard, and truly known. She and Safrianna explore how sex workers and healing practitioners sometimes provide the only space where men feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and what that says about how we've failed men emotionally.

The conversation also addresses the educational system's neglect of boys, the loneliness epidemic among cis straight men, compulsory sexuality, sexual trauma, the scarcity mentality driving "us vs. them" culture, and how building robust support systems — not just depending on a partner — is essential for everyone's healing.

This is a conversation with compassion at its center: seeing the trauma underneath the behavior, without excusing the harm it causes.

Topics Covered:

—Divine masculine and divine feminine energy — and how both have been distorted

—The male loneliness epidemic and the epidemic of "no homo" culture

—What Johanna learned from dancing: men want connection, not just sex

—Brene Brown's research on shame and the male "don't be weak" box

—Toxic masculinity as the patriarchy's legacy — and how it harms men too

—The incel movement, Andrew Tate, and the trauma underneath the rage

—Compulsory sexuality and its role in sexual trauma

—Why emotional education has been withheld from men — and what that costs everyone

—The scarcity myth: justice work for one group doesn't diminish another

—Practical tools: journaling, community, professional support, and the Mankind Project

—Building support systems beyond your romantic partner

—Hope and healing through curiosity, compassion, and connection

Content Warning: This episode discusses sexual trauma, sexual assault, compulsory sexuality, political violence, and the incel movement. Please care for yourself as you listen.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

Connect with Johanna Lyman: linkedin.com/in/johannalyman

Contact: Guide@Safrianna.com | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna—licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Eryn Anatavi, neurodiversity advocate and business operations expert from Seattle, to explore what it means to lead while being different in a world that demands conformity. As two neurodivergent leaders who understand the struggle of navigating systems not built for us, we dive deep into the beautiful necessity of diversity and how it strengthens everything it touches.

Eryn shares her journey of discovering her autism diagnosis just two years ago and how it completely reframed her understanding of her lifelong passion for social justice and equity. We explore the powerful analogy of biodiversity in gardens and ecosystems—how different "bugs" serve different purposes, how various plants need different conditions, and how this mirrors the human collective's need for neurodiversity.

We Discuss:

The Superpower and Kryptonite Balance

We discuss how neurodivergent traits come with both incredible strengths (hyperfocus, creativity, pattern recognition) and challenges (burnout, decision paralysis, sensory overwhelm). Eryn emphasizes that you can't love the superpower without having a plan for the kryptonite—and why leaders need systems that support both.

Universal Design for Leadership

Using brilliant analogies of cookie bars, gym equipment, and elevators, Eryn illustrates why building for the minority makes it better for the majority, but building for the majority alienates the minority. We explore how accommodations that help neurodivergent individuals actually benefit everyone in an organization.

Breaking Down Artificial Hierarchies

We challenge the notion that differences create hierarchies of value. Just as a garden doesn't rank plants by importance, human communities shouldn't rank people by how closely they fit a "normal" mold. Innovation doesn't come from sameness—it comes from embracing and leveraging our differences.

Practical Systems for Neurodivergent Leaders

Eryn shares concrete tools she's developed at Sapphire Solutions, including:

Daily intentions practice (not task lists—intentions)

Fire suppression tracking to identify patterns in what derails you

The Clarity Matrix framework (brilliance, shiny objects, monotone, and shattered quadrants)

Proficiency + Positivity = Brilliance in your work

How to prevent team turnover by addressing monotone work before burnout hits

The Profitability of Embracing Neurodiversity

We bridge the gap between two camps that often stay separate: the "efficiency and productivity" side and the "self-awareness and wellness" side. Eryn demonstrates why you need BOTH proficiency and positivity to run successful companies, and how understanding where your team members are working (in brilliance, practicing, or struggling) directly impacts retention and results.

The Extinction Burst

We address the current political and social climate, understanding attacks on diversity and inclusion as an "extinction burst"—the last desperate grab before harmful systems finally die. We discuss how to keep fighting through this difficult period while maintaining hope for what comes next.

This conversation beautifully illustrates that leading while different isn't a deficit—it's exactly what the world needs. When we create systems that honor neurodiversity, build for equity rather than equality, and allow people to work within their unique strengths, everyone benefits.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

About Eryn Anatavi...

Episode 17: Intergenerational Healing with Xeres

Welcome to The Shadow Side with Safrianna, where we illuminate what others too often keep hidden in the dark. I'm Safrianna Lughna - licensed therapist, CEO of Living LUNAs, and your guide into the world of shadow work.

In this episode, my guest Xeres Villanueva and I explore the complex journey of intergenerational healing, examining how generational trauma ripples through families and communities while also discovering pathways to liberation. Xeres shares her transformative story of deep self-inquiry, beginning with her grandmother's death in 2014, which initiated a profound process of uncovering family dysfunction, medical challenges, and the reclamation of ancestral wisdom.

We dive into how community-based art became a vehicle for healing, the importance of understanding our own privilege and marginalization, and how personal shadow work naturally evolves into activism and justice work. Xeres discusses her journey from struggling with identity within patriarchal Christianity to reclaiming pre-colonial Filipino spiritual practices and priesthood that honors community empowerment rather than control.

This conversation beautifully illustrates how knowing ourselves deeply—including our sticky places and areas beaten down by society—leads to authentic justice work. We explore how white men's lack of questioning themselves perpetuates systems of harm, while marginalized communities are forced into the gift of deep self-inquiry that becomes the foundation for collective liberation.

This podcast is for anyone ready to explore uncomfortable truths, do the inner work, and contribute to collective healing. If you're tired of surface-level conversations and ready to go deeper, this is your space.

GUEST INFO:

Xeres Villanueva is a leadership development coach and community organizer based in Los Angeles who serves clients everywhere. Her work supports people in discovering their genius and creating lives and work that honor their journey of liberating their soul. Xeres focuses on ancestrally rooted and culturally rooted approaches to transformation.

With extensive experience in community organizing, nonprofit organizational development, and small business support, Xeres brings a deep understanding of how systemic change and personal healing intersect.

Connect with Xeres:

Email: Xvilla1228@gmail.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_estuary_constellations

YouTube: www.youtube.com/@theestuaryconstellations1228

LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/xvilla1228

Contact: Guide@Safrianna.com | Safrianna.com | LivingLUNAs.com