00:00 Introduction to the Question of Sexual Competence 03:05 Understanding Vulnerability in Sexuality 06:02 The Importance of Questions Over Answers 08:50 Defining 'Good' Sex: Context Over Technique 11:54 Navigating Stigma and Shame in Sexuality 15:06 The Role of Definitive Advice vs. Lived Experience 17:48 Emphasizing Process Over Conclusions

For full show notes, including citations to all the materials I reference throughout the episode, please go to: https://theintimatephilosopher.com/2026/01/14/episode-4-are-you-good-at-sex-why-better-questions-matter-more-than-better-technique/

You just heard me talk about desire, intimacy, and the realities of modern relationships.

If this episode resonated, you’re invited to join The Inner Circle — a monthly reflection for people craving more connection and less noise.

Now let’s make it personal.

Download The Desire Inventory Guide, a simple diagnostic tool that helps you quickly identify what’s pulling down your desire—whether it’s stress, emotional load, relationship patterns, or the pressure of a full life.

You’ll also receive practical, no-fluff insights and tools designed to help you feel more grounded, connected, and at home in your body.

Fast clarity. Zero shame. Real steps forward.

👉 Sign up at soliloquie.co/vault

This episode is a continuation of Episode 2, The Body, Trauma and Desire If you haven’t listened to that episode yet, I recommend starting there and returning here when you’re ready.

In this conversation, Dr. Emma Smith explores how many of us — especially women — learn early on to override our internal signals in order to stay safe, be good, or keep the peace. Over time, this adaptation can make desire feel confusing and pleasure feel unsafe, even when nothing is “wrong.”

Rather than approaching desire as something to fix or perform, this episode introduces erotic intelligence — a term popularized by Esther Perel — as our innate capacity to stay connected to aliveness, curiosity, imagination, and felt experience. Not just sexually, but across everyday life.

Together, we explore how trauma lives in the body, why the nervous system often prioritizes protection over pleasure, and how erotic intelligence can be rebuilt gently — starting far away from sex, intensity, or pressure.

This is an invitational episode. Nothing here is about pushing, forcing, or getting it right. It’s about listening. Slowing down. And allowing the body to finish what the past may have interrupted.

A Note on Care This episode discusses trauma, desire, and body memory in a non-graphic, invitational way. Please listen at your own pace and take care of yourself as needed. Pausing, stepping away, or returning later is always welcome.

For full show notes, including citations to all the materials I reference throughout the episode, please go to: https://theintimatephilosopher.com/2026/01/11/episode-3-erotic-intelligence-pleasure-safety-and-aliveness/

00:00 Understanding the Body's Memory of Trauma 05:53 Exploring Erotic Intelligence 11:51 The Role of Trauma in Desire 17:54 Rebuilding Erotic Intelligence 24:13 Practical Practices for Reconnection

You just heard me talk about desire, intimacy, and the realities of modern relationships.

If this episode resonated, you’re invited to join The Inner Circle — a monthly reflection for people craving more connection and less noise.

Now let’s make it personal.

Download The Desire Inventory Guide, a simple diagnostic tool that helps you quickly identify what’s pulling down your desire—whether it’s stress, emotional load, relationship patterns, or the pressure of a full life.

You’ll also receive practical, no-fluff insights and tools designed to help you feel more grounded, connected, and at home in your body.

Fast clarity. Zero shame. Real steps forward.

👉 Sign up at soliloquie.co/vault

The body remembers — even when the mind tries to move on.

In this episode of The Intimate Philosopher, we slow things down and turn toward the body as a living archive of memory, sensation, and truth. Dr. Emma Smith explores why so many thoughtful, capable people feel disconnected from their bodies — and why being told to “just drop in” doesn’t always feel grounding or safe.

Drawing from trauma research, nervous system science, and her work as a therapist, Dr. Emma widens the frame around healing. She explores how trauma lives not only in memory, but in posture, breath, digestion, desire, and tone — and why healing cannot stop at survival alone.

This is not an episode about forcing sensation or fixing yourself. It’s an invitation to listen differently. Gently. On your own terms.

By the end of this episode, listeners are invited to relate to their bodies less as problems to solve and more as partners with information — ones that have been communicating all along.

For full show notes, including citations to all the materials I reference throughout the episode, please go to: https://theintimatephilosopher.com/2026/01/11/the-body-remembers/

You just heard me talk about desire, intimacy, and the realities of modern relationships.

If this episode resonated, you’re invited to join The Inner Circle — a monthly reflection for people craving more connection and less noise.

Now let’s make it personal.

Download The Desire Inventory Guide, a simple diagnostic tool that helps you quickly identify what’s pulling down your desire—whether it’s stress, emotional load, relationship patterns, or the pressure of a full life.

You’ll also receive practical, no-fluff insights and tools designed to help you feel more grounded, connected, and at home in your body.

Fast clarity. Zero shame. Real steps forward.

👉 Sign up at soliloquie.co/vault