The Initiation Gap: Why One Person Always Initiates (And How to Fix It)
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The Initiation Gap: Why One Person Always Initiates (And How to Fix It)
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If you’ve ever noticed that one of you almost always initiates intimacy — while the other rarely does — you’re not alone.
This dynamic is incredibly common in long-term relationships, and it’s far more about how desire works than how much someone wants their partner.
In this episode of Do You Feel That?, we unpack the initiation gap — why it forms, why it hurts so deeply, and how couples can rebalance intimacy without pressure, resentment, or shutdown.
We explore:
- Why most couples naturally fall into an initiator/responder pattern
- The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why it matters)
- How repeated rejection trains the nervous system to stop initiating
- Why stress and mental load suppress desire — especially for the partner carrying more responsibility
- How cultural scripts shape who initiates and who waits
- What not to do when initiation feels uneven
- Practical, science-informed ways to share responsibility for connection
If initiation has started to feel risky, exhausting, or emotionally loaded, this episode will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface — and give you tools to reconnect in ways that feel safe, mutual, and genuine again.
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