Whether you’re just starting your divorce journey or you’re already deep in it, we’re really glad you’re here. I’m Emile Flowers, your divorce mortgage planning specialist, and I’m joined by Melissa Gragg — financial mediator, divorce strategist, and honestly… the divorce queen.

Today we’re talking about position statements — and here’s the big shift: your position statement isn’t “just notes.” It’s the first draft of your settlement offer.

So in this episode, we’re breaking down how to take what you’ve already done — your timeline, your summary, your top three issues — and turn that into a clear, credible, documented offer that you can actually walk into mediation with. Because the goal is simple: stop negotiating in a fog and start negotiating with facts.

5 Key Takeaways

1. A position statement is the outline — the settlement offer is the full book.
   You start with story + priorities, then build one topic at a time into a detailed, usable offer.
2. Words alone create confusion — spreadsheets create clarity.
   A marital balance sheet helps compare apples to apples (house vs. retirement vs. after-tax values).
3. “Prove it up” with one-page summaries + supporting documents.
   Bring short summaries (value, rationale, sources) and attach key proof (CMA, appraisal, mortgage statement, quotes).
4. Anchor with your best-case offer first.
   Ask for your best-case scenario (sun, moon, stars) and let the other side react and counter—don’t wait for them to draft it.
5. Boundaries matter: don’t agree to anything you can’t live with.
   If you need more data, table it, set deadlines, and return to mediation with stronger proof instead of rushing.

5 Q&As from this episode

Q1: What is a position statement in divorce mediation?
A: A position statement is a written summary of your divorce case—your history, key issues, and priorities—and it acts as the framework for your settlement offer in mediation.

Q2: How do I turn a divorce position statement into a settlement offer?
A: Take each priority issue from the position statement and build it into a detailed offer using a marital balance sheet, clear asset values, and one-page summaries backed by documents.

Q3: What documents should I bring to divorce mediation for a house dispute?
A: Bring a mortgage statement, CMA or appraisal, repair quotes, inspection summary, HOA info, and a one-page explanation of how you reached your proposed home value.

Q4: Why is a divorce settlement spreadsheet important?
A: A spreadsheet prevents misunderstandings by listing every asset and debt, showing values clearly, and helping compare after-tax retirement funds against cash assets like the house.

Q5: How do I negotiate with a high-conflict or toxic spouse in mediation?
A: Lead with a detailed written offer, rely on factual documentation instead of opinions, keep emotions neutral, and set firm deadlines for missing disclosures or unresolved items.

Watch the YouTube video here

Melissa's Website here

Emile's website here

The Divorce Allies website here

Women in Life Transitions: Reset Your Body, Mind, and Soul After 50

Luxury real estate broker, 7x national ballroom champion, spiritual director, and Miss Senior America—CT titleholder Robin Kencel joins Melissa Gragg to unpack practical ways women can reset mind, body, and spirit—especially through divorce and life transitions.

Learn centering prayer in 10 minutes, the “three graces” nightly practice, how to spot disordered attachments, and a gentle path to forgiveness (including forgiving yourself).

What you’ll learn

• How to start centering prayer in 10 minutes a day
• The “three graces” bedtime ritual that rewires your focus
• Why removing harmful people and then forgiving frees energy
• How to treat upheaval as information, not identity
• Simple ways to find your voice again: tiny reps, new routines
• A week-one reset plan for women in divorce or transition
• What spiritual direction is and how to try it

Quick takeaways

• Purpose lives where what you’re good at + what you love + what serves others meet.
• You can’t change much, but you can change yourself—via micro steps.
• Disordered attachments (even to “good” things) block your love/flow.
• Divorce is a forced reset—use it to design a life you actually want.
• Your 10-year-old self didn’t vanish—she’s just covered like grass under snow.

Q1: What is centering prayer and how do I start?
Centering prayer is a silent, 10-minute daily practice of consenting to God’s presence—no agenda, no analysis. Sit comfortably, choose a simple “sacred word” (e.g., peace), and when thoughts arise, gently return to the word. Consistency matters more than duration.

Q2: What are “three graces” and why do they help?
Each night, name three grace-filled moments from your day (a kind driver, a pink sunset, an unexpected laugh). This shifts attention from rumination to gratitude, improving sleep and emotional resilience over time.

Q3: How can I find purpose after divorce at 50+?
Map the purpose trifecta: list (a) what you’re good at, (b) what you love, and (c) who it serves. Where they overlap is your next move. Start with one micro-action this week that touches all three.

Q4: What does “disordered attachment” mean?
It’s over-attachment to something—even a “good” thing—that pulls you away from love/flow (or your relationship with God). Signs: compulsive checking, anxiety if you can’t do it, neglecting health or relationships. The fix is gentle rebalancing, not self-shaming.

Q5: How do I set boundaries with harmful people?
Name the behavior, state the boundary, and define the consequence—briefly and calmly. Example: “No yelling. If it starts, I’ll leave the call.” Follow through once; consistency builds safety. Then begin the work of forgiveness to release the emotional hook.

Q6: Why does forgiveness matter if I’m already done with them?
Because your nervous system isn’t done. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse harm; it releases the energy you spend reliving it. Pair boundaries (external protection) with forgiveness (internal freedom).

Q8: How do I “find my voice” after a power-imbalanced relationship?
Practice in low-stakes rooms: improv, community classes, or small groups. Aim for one rep per day where you ask, decline, or express a preference. Reps build confidence faster than reflection alone.

Connect with Robin:

https://robinkencel.com/

Connect with Melissa:

https://www.valuationmediation.com/

Connect with The Divorce Allies:

https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

Whether you're just beginning your divorce journey or already in the thick of it, understanding disclosures is key. We’ll walk you through what they are, why they matter, and how they can become one of the most powerful tools in your strategy—not just a pile of paperwork.

This episode will help you rethink your first steps, take back control of the process, and avoid wasting money on the wrong professionals at the wrong time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, intimidated, or unsure of what your lawyer has already submitted, don’t worry—you’ll leave this episode with clarity and confidence.

Financial Disclosures & Filing for Divorce: What You Need and Why It Matters (Divorce Mediation StL)

If this episode resonated with you, don’t stop here.

✅ Start with your Position Statement — tell your story, list your priorities, and anchor your divorce strategy. Download the guide here (https://www.thedivorcevault.com/)

📂 Download your state’s financial disclosure forms and use our checklist to get organized before you spend a dollar on legal help.

📄 Use that information to create a Settlement Offer that leads your case instead of reacting to chaos.

🧠 If mediation is part of your process — or could be — we’ll show you how to navigate it, even with a high-conflict or narcissistic spouse, through our Mediation Prep Strategy Guides.

🔓 Want all of this in one place? Unlock The Divorce Vault, which gives you 6+ months of support, templates, AI tools, and insider strategy.

🤝 And if you’re craving real community and expert insight, join our weekly live sessions inside The Divorce Allies Circle. We’ll help you turn fear into clarity and lead your own case like a pro. https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

✅ 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS

Financial Disclosures Are Strategy, Not Just Paperwork
Disclosures aren’t busywork—they form the foundation of your settlement and influence how negotiations unfold.

Start With the Forms, Not the Lawyer
Downloading your state’s pro se forms is often a smarter first step than spending $5–10K on an attorney just to gather basic info.

Your Position Statement Is Your Blueprint
Combining your financial disclosures with a clear position statement gives you negotiating power and saves time across your legal team.

Missed Assets Create Legal Risk Later
Incomplete or inaccurate disclosures can damage your credibility and derail your case—especially when assets like businesses or SBA loans are overlooked.

You Can Revise and Reclaim Control
Even if disclosures were filed without your input, you can (and should) revisit, update, and use them to regain strategic control.

Q: What are financial disclosures in a divorce?
A: Financial disclosures are formal court documents where you list all income, expenses, assets, and debts—essentially a sworn financial truth that shapes the rest of your divorce strategy.

Q: Should I hire a lawyer before filling out disclosures?
A: Not necessarily. Start by downloading your state’s forms, gather your financial documents, and organize everything. Then decide if you need expert help—this can save you thousands in unnecessary legal fees.

Q: Can I update my disclosures if they were already filed by my attorney?
A: Yes, and you absolutely should. Request the filed version from your lawyer, revise with accurate data, and use it to build your position statement and settlement offer.

Q: How do disclosures give me leverage?
A: A complete, organized disclosure becomes the basis of your position statement. It helps your legal and financial experts negotiate from a place of truth, reducing costly surprises and missed assets later.

Melissa Gragg
https://www.valuationmediation.com/

Emile Flowers
https://www.divorcemortgageplanningservices.com/

Position Statements: Your Divorce Roadmap | Negotiate From Strength & Avoid Oversharing

Welcome back to the Divorce Allies Podcast. In today’s workshop-style episode, we’re diving into one of the most powerful—but overlooked—tools in your divorce toolkit: the position statement.

https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

If you’ve ever felt like your case is a chaotic mix of emotional stories, endless emails, and missing numbers—this episode is your turning point.

Emile Flowers and Melissa Gragg walk you step-by-step through what a divorce position statement is, why it’s crucial for mediation or trial, and how it gives you control, confidence, and clarity throughout the process.

We’ll break down exactly what goes into this document, how to use it to negotiate from strength, and how to avoid oversharing while still being taken seriously.

Plus: get insider strategies for using the position statement to anchor your offer, save legal fees, and keep your professionals on the same page—without having to repeat your story 500 times.

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS

Your Position Statement Is Your North Star
It keeps you focused, strategic, and fact-based—so your team, mediator, or judge sees your case clearly, not emotionally.

Clarity Wins Over Chaos Every Time
A concise, well-crafted position statement makes you look credible, calm, and prepared—even when emotions are high.

Tell Your Full Story—Then Summarize Strategically
Voice-memo your entire history, then use AI (like ChatGPT) to extract timelines, top issues, and facts that belong in the statement.

Anchor the Offer, Don’t Chase It
A strong position statement lets you lead with your offer and forces others to respond to your clarity, not drag you into their confusion.

Less Is More—Until They Ask for More
Start small: one or two pages. But be ready with deeper data, summaries, and exhibits to pull out if challenged. That’s your quiet power.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: What exactly is a divorce position statement—and why do I need one?
A: It’s a short, fact-based summary (1–2 pages) of your history, top issues, and high-level settlement goals. It keeps your team aligned, saves you legal fees, and presents you as credible and prepared in negotiations or court.

Q: How detailed should my position statement be?
A: Start with bullet points, dates, and major assets/issues—enough for someone to understand the case in 5–10 minutes. You can build out detailed sections later (on parenting, finances, home) as needed.

Q: Can I make one if I’m already in the middle of my divorce?
A: Yes. It’s never too late. Whether you’re just starting or 6 weeks from trial, a position statement helps refocus the strategy and save time during every meeting, mediation, or hearing.

Q: What if I’m too emotional to write it?
A: That’s okay. Start by voice-memoing your story. Then use AI tools to help turn your thoughts into facts and timelines. You’ll process your emotions and produce a clear strategy at the same time.

Q: How do I use this in mediation?
A: Bring it. Share it with the mediator (and your attorney, if applicable) ahead of time. Let it guide the conversation, anchor your offer, and remind the professionals what you want—so you’re not stuck re-explaining everything.

Melissa Gragg
https://www.valuationmediation.com/

Emile Flowers
https://www.divorcemortgageplanningservices.com/

Welcome to the Divorce Allies Podcast, a podcast and video series where we dive into all things divorce—pre-divorce, during your divorce, and post-divorce. We're a team of financial professionals, divorce mortgage planning specialists, parenting coaches, divorce coaches, and myself—supporting our members through the post-divorce transition.

https://www.thedivorceallies.com/
https://www.gracefullyuntangled.com/

Today’s episode continues our conversation about dating after divorce. Last week, we talked about your mindset around dating—how to get back out there and how to stay safe. This week, we're focusing on something even more personal: telling your kids that you're dating again, and how to navigate blended families.

In this episode of the Divorce Allies Podcast, we're diving deep into one of the most emotional (and often confusing) parts of post-divorce life: how to talk to your kids about dating again—and what to do when blended families become part of the picture.

We share real advice and lived experience around:

When to tell your kids you're dating

How much to share based on their age

What to include in your parenting plan about new partners

How to introduce your children to a new partner—and their kids

Setting healthy, respectful boundaries in blended families

Whether you're newly separated or years post-divorce, this episode will help you navigate this next chapter with confidence and compassion—for yourself and your children.

Key Takeaways:

Timing Matters—But It's Age Dependent
Don’t feel pressured to tell young children about dating. Teens may need more transparency, but keep boundaries in place for all ages.

Add New Partner Clauses to Your Parenting Plan
Whether you're currently dating or not, include thoughtful clauses about introducing new partners, overnight stays, and communication between co-parents.

Neutral Introductions Work Best
Meeting a new partner—or their kids—should happen on neutral ground with no pressure. Think beach walks or fun outings, not formal dinners or big announcements.

Blended Families Take Time (and Patience)
Don’t force instant relationships. Let bonds build slowly. Individual relationships within the blended unit are as important as group dynamics.

More Love Is Better—Not a Threat
No one can replace you as a parent. Kids benefit from being loved by many people in different ways. Emotional security comes from consistency, not competition.

Questions answered in this episode:
1. When should I tell my kids I’m dating again after divorce?
It depends on their age and emotional development. For young kids under 5, you may not need to share details. For tweens and teens, it's better to be transparent—but only when you’re emotionally ready and the relationship feels stable.

2. What should I include in my parenting plan about new partners?
Add clauses around timing (e.g., waiting 6 months before introductions), overnight visits, and giving the co-parent a chance to meet the new partner first. These agreements protect the kids and avoid future conflict.

3. How do I introduce my kids to my new partner (and their kids)?
Use neutral spaces like parks or casual activities. Keep it low-pressure and avoid labeling the person right away. Let kids form their own impressions gradually.

4. What are healthy boundaries in a blended family?
New partners should take on a mentorship or role model role—not a disciplinarian one. Clear communication about roles, parenting styles, and emotional needs helps maintain stability.

5. How do I deal with guilt or fear that my kids will love my new partner—or their step-parent—more than me?
Remember: love is not a limited resource. As long as you're present, consistent, and supportive, your relationship with your children is irreplaceable. More l

Welcome to the Divorce Allies Podcast—a show where we break down the complex world of divorce with clarity, compassion, and expert insight. From business valuations and alimony to mindset, real estate, and financial prep, we guide you through the entire settlement process with the help of lawyers, divorce mortgage specialists, parenting plan experts, and more.

I’m Melissa Gragg, a financial mediator and business valuation expert. And today, I’m joined by Lisa Zeiderman—a seasoned family law attorney and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®). Our topic? Prenups.

The Divorce Allies' website

Lisa's website

Melissa's website

The Divorce Allies' YouTube channel

We’re diving deep into what prenups really are, why they’re not just for the wealthy, and how they can be a powerful act of protection and clarity—especially for women.

5 Key Takeaways:
A prenup is a legal contract that protects your financial future—not a sign you expect divorce.
It sets clear expectations around assets, income, alimony, and even family inheritances.

Prenups are not just for the rich.
In fact, they can be even more important for those with limited assets—because you can't afford to fight later.

You’re already entering a contract when you marry—this just customizes it.
Without a prenup, your marriage defaults to your state’s divorce laws.

You must have your own legal representation.
Even if your future spouse offers to “share” a lawyer—don’t. Separate representation protects you.

Timing matters.
Don’t wait until the week of the wedding. Start the prenup conversation early to reduce pressure and ensure you’re truly protected.

Questions answered in this episode:
1. What is a prenup and why do I need one?
A prenup (prenuptial agreement) is a legal contract that outlines how finances, assets, debts, and future support will be handled in marriage and divorce. You need one to protect yourself, create clarity, and avoid costly legal battles later.

2. Are prenups only for wealthy people?
No—prenups are for anyone who wants financial clarity. They are especially helpful if you have student loans, expect an inheritance, own a business, or plan to leave your job to raise a family.

3. Can a prenup protect my business or inheritance?
Yes. You can outline how a business, family inheritance, or separate property will be treated—especially if you want to avoid them being split during divorce.

4. What should I do if I feel pressured to sign a prenup?
Don’t sign under pressure. Ask for time. Get your own lawyer (your fiancé can even help pay for it). A rushed or coerced prenup may not hold up in court, but proving that later is difficult and expensive.

5. Can a prenup include rules about cheating or infidelity?
Technically, yes—but these clauses are hard to enforce and rarely hold up in court. Focus on financial clarity, not moral judgments, in the agreement.

You Divorced... Now What? Post-Divorce Transitions and Creating Your Next Chapter | DIY Divorce

Welcome to the Divorce Allies Podcast—a show and video series designed to help you navigate divorce and thrive in life after it. We bring together financial experts, mortgage advisors, parenting coaches, and business mentors to support every part of your transition—from the legal and financial to the emotional and personal.

I'm Anna Graham, small business consultant and post-divorce strategist for our Divorce Allies community. Today, I'm joined by Cristin Terri—divorce coach, parenting specialist, and founder of Gracefully Untangling and Survive & Thrive, her post-divorce healing and empowerment course.

In this episode, we talk about the emotional rollercoaster after divorce, how to shift into purpose-driven action, and what it really looks like to build a business and a new identity post-divorce—while raising kids and healing your nervous system.

✨ 5 Key Takeaways
Post-divorce can trigger emotional whiplash
After the adrenaline of the divorce process wears off, many women feel lost or overwhelmed by new responsibilities and unprocessed emotions.

Creativity is a powerful outlet for healing
Channeling post-divorce energy into creation—whether through business ideas, journaling, or learning—is a healthy way to process emotions and regain purpose.

You don’t need to have it all together right away
There's no perfect system. Balancing parenting, healing, and launching a business is messy—but leaning into natural rhythms and giving yourself grace is key.

Many women come out of divorce with powerful ideas
Women often leave marriages full of untapped potential and passion, and are ready to turn their experiences into something impactful and sustainable.

Support networks matter
Coaches, not just therapists, are essential in helping women navigate logistics, emotional regulation, and identity rebuilding. Communities like Divorce Allies offer tailored resources for every stage of the journey.

🔍 5 Questions & Answers
1. What should I do after my divorce is finalized?
After divorce, give yourself space to decompress. Then start creating structure: explore creative outlets, establish a routine, and begin planning for financial and emotional stability.

2. How can I heal emotionally after divorce while raising kids?
Embrace flexibility and self-compassion. Use tools like meditation, journaling, and breathwork to regulate your nervous system. Focus on progress, not perfection.

3. Can I start a business after divorce if I don’t know what to do yet?
Yes. Many women begin with a list of ideas or a passion for helping others. A business mentor can help narrow that list into realistic, monetizable offers within 30–60 days.

4. What is Survive & Thrive for divorced moms?
Survive & Thrive is a 12-module course offering emotional, logistical, and parenting support post-divorce. It includes meditations, checklists, co-parenting scripts, and optional access to the Divorce Allies expert network.

5. What makes Divorce Allies different from traditional divorce support?
Divorce Allies provides a holistic, team-based approach including legal prep, financial strategy, parenting support, wellness coaching, and business mentoring—all in one trusted, expert-led community.

https://www.thedivorceallies.com/
https://www.gracefullyuntangled.com/
https://www.anagramcreates.com/

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In this video, Melissa Gragg—financial mediator and valuation expert—walks you through the most important tool you’ve likely never heard of: your divorce position statement. This one-to-two-page summary isn’t just paperwork—it’s your voice, your strategy, and your anchor in negotiations.

Step 1: Journal Your Story
Goal: Capture key moments from marriage to now.
When did you get married?
When did you separate?
When did key financial events occur (buying/selling a home, inheritance, business start, job loss)?
Were there any infidelities or major breaches of trust?

In this workshop - you’ll learn how to:

Tell your full divorce story using a simple voice memo (no writing needed yet!)

Turn that raw, emotional narrative into a clear, fact-based timeline using ChatGPT

Identify your top 3 financial and legal issues
Create a calm, strategic summary that guides your attorney, mediator, and legal team
Lay the foundation for a powerful and well-supported settlement offer

This isn’t just a document—it’s your blueprint for leading the divorce process on your terms.

1. What is a divorce position statement and why is it important?
A divorce position statement is a one-to-two-page written summary of your marriage timeline, key issues, and financial facts. It provides a calm, fact-based narrative that helps your attorney, mediator, and even the judge understand your situation. It anchors your negotiation strategy and ensures your voice is central in the settlement process.

2. How do I start creating a divorce position statement?
Start by recording your full story using a voice memo—from the moment you met your spouse to the current challenges. Include dates, events, red flags, and financial details. Then, use ChatGPT to summarize your narrative, extract your top three legal or financial issues, and draft your initial statement.

4. Can I use AI tools like ChatGPT to help write my divorce statement?
Yes! ChatGPT can help summarize your voice memo into a clear, unemotional timeline, identify your top issues, and even generate an outline of your settlement position. You remain the expert of your story—AI simply helps organize it.

5. Should I write the divorce statement myself or ask my attorney to do it?
You should write it yourself. No one knows your story better than you. By preparing your own position statement, you save legal fees, maintain control of the narrative, and present yourself as a well-prepared, reasonable negotiator in mediation.

6. How does this position statement help in mediation or court?
This document gets your entire legal team aligned and helps the mediator quickly grasp your case. It builds trust, sets the tone for productive negotiation, and shows that you’re organized and strategic. It can also be updated over time to reflect new developments or evidence.

Read more here

Melissa Gragg is a seasoned financial mediator and business valuation expert with over 20 years of experience. She specializes in helping couples and business partners navigate complex financial disputes during divorce and separation.

The Divorce Allies is a collaborative network of professionals dedicated to providing comprehensive support during the divorce process. Their team includes experts in financial mediation, high-conflict divorce coaching, mortgage planning, co-parenting education, and post-divorce transition.

https://www.valuationmediation.com
https://www.thedivorceallies.com

Connect with Melissa:
Melissa Gragg 
Expert testimony for financial and valuation issues 
Bridge Valuation Partners, LLC 
melissa@bridgevaluation.com 
http://www.BridgeValuation.com 
Cell: (314) 541-8163