For many people, the word selfish is linked with guilt and a sense of having done something wrong. It’s often understood as putting yourself first at the expense of others, which can lead to a habit of placing your own needs last.

In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David is joined by Suzy Reading, psychologist and author of How to Be Selfish, to offer a different perspective. Suzy reframes selfishness as allowing your needs, feelings and limits to matter, rather than being overridden by everyone else’s.

Together, they explore why many caring people label themselves as selfish for resting, setting boundaries, expressing emotions or asking for support. Guilt is examined as a signal of values and care, not proof that something is wrong, and how quickly self-criticism can take hold when expectations feel relentless.

They discuss how selflessness is often learned early, shaped by family roles, cultural messages and ideas about being “good”, particularly for women and parents. Lee and Suzy reflect on how neglecting our needs can lead to exhaustion and burnout, and why attending to ourselves supports healthier relationships.

The episode also explores boundaries as practical ways of taking responsibility for wellbeing. Suzy shares simple tools drawn from psychology, movement and nervous system regulation, alongside a Choice Pause to help listeners check in during moments of pressure.

This is a reflective conversation about developing a kinder relationship with yourself and letting go of the idea that worth is earned through self-sacrifice.

Key moments

00:00 Why selfishness is associated with guilt
04:09 Reframing selfishness as allowing your needs to matter
05:27 Selflessness, identity and putting yourself last
07:09 Guilt as a signal of care and values
09:32 Depletion, exhaustion and burnout
11:43 Where fear of selfishness comes from
13:24 Parenting and modelling emotional honesty
16:06 What boundaries are and how they work
18:38 Requests, agreements and responsibility
26:06 A simple grounding practice
31:49 Noticing nourishment and awe
37:27 Kind self-talk

About the guest

Suzy Reading is a chartered psychologist and self-care and self-advocacy expert with three decades of experience across psychology, yoga and personal training. She supports people to develop sustainable habits and heal their relationship with self. Suzy is the author of The Little Book of Self-Care, The Self-Care Revolution, Self-Care for Tough Times and her latest book, How to Be Selfish.

You can connect with Suzy on LinkedIn and Instagram - @suzyreading

About the host

Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david

Concerns about our bodies are common and part of being human. For some people, they remain occasional worries. For others, they begin to take up more attention, influence mood and shape everyday choices about food, movement, relationships and confidence.

In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David is joined by Joanna Silver, a psychologist specialising in eating disorders and body image difficulties, to explore why appearance-related distress can become so persistent – and what can genuinely help.

They discuss body image as something that exists on a continuum, from everyday dissatisfaction to more intense distress that narrows attention and reduces quality of life. Joanna explains how self-worth can become overly linked to weight or shape, why comparison often increases distress, and how cultural messages, family language and social media all shape how we relate to our bodies.

Rather than framing body image as something to fix or eliminate, the conversation approaches it as a relationship – one that can soften and become more balanced over time. They explore why change is rarely linear, how shame thrives when concerns stay hidden, and why curiosity and kindness are often more helpful than self-criticism.

The episode also includes a Choice Pause – a short, guided moment to help create space from comparison and reconnect with what matters in the present moment.

This is a compassionate, practical discussion about understanding body image distress and finding steadier ways to care for our bodies, even on difficult days..

Key moments

00:39 Why body image concerns are common and when they become more distressing
03:50 When self-worth becomes tied to appearance
07:12 How family, culture and language shape body image
09:16 Comparison, social media and increased distress
11:26 Signs body image concerns may be affecting daily life
15:27 Shame, secrecy and the value of talking
19:31 The Choice Pause creating space from comparison
22:04 Relating to body image as a relationship
28:47 Shifting focus from appearance to function
35:15 Body distress as a signal
40:34 Small steps towards a kinder relationship with the body

About the Guest

Joanna Silver is a Counselling Psychologist who specialises in working with people affected by Eating Disorders, Body Dysmorphic Disorder and body image problems. She works as the Lead Psychological Therapist at Orri, a treatment centre for people with Eating Disorders. I am passionate about bringing compassionate, evidence-based conversations about mental health and body image into the public space.

You can connect with Joanna via Linked in

Beat eating disorders charity

About the host

Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david

There’s something quietly powerful about singing alongside other people. Music is known to support emotional wellbeing, and singing in a group brings breath, sound and attention together in a shared space. Shared voices and shared rhythm can create a sense of connection and ease, even when life feels busy or full.

In this episode, Dr Lee David speaks with Glen Harvey – musician and long-standing choir leader with Rock Choir – about what he has observed over many years of bringing people together to sing, and why community choirs often become meaningful spaces for wellbeing and connection.

They explore how singing supports both body and mind through breath, posture and movement, and how it can help people feel more present and settled without needing to analyse or fix anything. Glen shares why people from very different backgrounds are drawn to choir, and how a sense of belonging often develops naturally when the focus is on the shared experience rather than performance.

The conversation also touches on the thoughts that can sometimes hold people back, such as self-criticism or worry about getting things wrong, and how community singing gently shifts attention away from judgement and towards being in the moment together.

Highlights & Key Moments

00:00 Singing as a shared experience
02:08 Glen’s journey into choir leading
03:49 Why singing together feels different from singing alone
05:16 Stress, breath and the physical effects of singing
08:04 Posture, breathing and confidence
10:22 Thoughts that can hold people back from singing
13:10 Letting go of perfection in performance
18:40 The Choice Pause – settling with sound
22:13 Attention, anxiety and staying present
26:03 Music as a way of quietening a busy mind
27:00 Why people come to choir
29:37 Inclusivity, kindness and feeling safe in groups
33:21 A simple music-based takeaway

About the Guest

Glen Harvey is a versatile musician and choir leader with advanced skills as a vocalist, pianist and guitarist. He trained at the Academy of Contemporary Music and first became known as a semi-finalist on Pop Idol in 2003. He's been leading Rock Choirs for over 16 years, spreading harmonies and laughter across Hampshire, Berkshire, Northern Ireland and soon the Republic of Ireland.

A master of turning strangers into friends and choirs into families, he’s sung everywhere from Abbey Road to Wembley, for audiences of up to 20,000 people, from royalty to George Clooney. At home in Farnham with his wife Lisa and their three children, Glen swaps his microphone for gardening gloves, gym gear or a dinner menu. Whether on stage or in the garden, he’s all about growing joy – one song, one laugh, one memory at a time.

Connect with Glen: Instagram @glenharveymusic

Find out more about Rock Choir via their website

About the host

Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david