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The Bible Abridged

The Bible Abridged

De : Jay Winston
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The Christian Bible: the book of stories and guidelines that shaped the western and, in a lot of ways, the whole world. And it's completely nuts. I go through the "holy" texts and retell the stories in all their crazy nonsense for the world to see just how nuts they all actually are.© 2025 The Bible Abridged Christianisme Ministère et évangélisme Spiritualité
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    Épisodes
    • Ep 65 - Hezekiah V The Assyrians
      May 19 2025

      After many generations of useless and/or unremarkable Judean kings, we finally get to Hezekiah. Hezekiah bravely stood up to the ever growing Assyrian Empire even when they threatened his people that they'd be forced to eat their own shit and drink their own piss (which is my new favorite Bible verse, by the way.)

      Hezekiah didn't really do much, but the Angel of Death came out of retirement and murdered 185,000 Assyrians. So Hezekiah stood victorious.

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      8 min
    • Ep 64 - The End of Elisha and a Bunch of Obscure Kings
      May 10 2025

      This episode covers a few of the lesser known kings of Israel and Judah and all of the ... lack of anything they really accomplished. Jehu killed a bunch of Ahaziah's family and then turned the Baal Zebub temple into a public toilet. Joash bribed the Arameans not to invade. Jehoahaz accomplished literally nothing. Jehoash shot an arrow out of a window. Only the most important stuff made it into this book!

      This also covers the end of Elisha's life, where his corpse raised a random guy from the dead... but couldn't do the same for itself.

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      9 min
    • Ep 63 - Eating Donkey Heads, Pigeon Poop, and At Least One Baby
      May 5 2025

      Elisha heals a nearby General of leprosy only to have his army attack shortly there after. Elisha staves off this war for a while by making a bunch of soldiers go blind and then feeding them a succulent meal, but they eventually decide to attack again and lay siege to Samaria (which is part of Israel.)

      While Samaria was under siege, a donkey's head was selling for 2 pounds of silver and even pigeon shit was selling for a couple ounces of silver. At least one baby was eaten and everything was terrible.

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      9 min
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