Hello So Deep Peeps!  
Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Making Decisions: Are You A Satisficer or a Maximizer?

 Some deep things we cover:

1. What kind of decision makers are Phyllis and Julie?
2. How does people pleasing factor into decision making?
3. Decision Fatigue: This occurs when there are too many options and your brain can’t quite process it all.
4. Hard Choices vs. Big Choices: Not all big decisions are hard and not all small decisions are easy.  
5. “On Par” Decisions:  Sometimes decisions are hard to make because what you’re choosing between have equal pros and cons.  
6. When Pros and Cons Fail to Help You Make a Decision…Try Ruth Chang’s “A.U.T.H.O.R.” Hack:

A - Ascertain what matters in the choice
U - Understand the pros and cons of the alternatives 
T - Tally up the pros and cons (these 3 steps lead you to agony so now you need more steps.)
H - Home.  Settle into the fact that this is a hard choice.
O - Open yourself up to the possibility of making a commitment to this choice. 
R - Remake or Realize yourself as someone who has committed. Make yourself into someone who has the most reason to make this choice.

7. The worry of “Am I Making a Mistake?” can prevent us from making a decision: Getting in the “right” or “wrong” mindset can keep us stuck. 
8. Who Can You Commit to Being? Might be a better question when making big life choices.
9. Are You a Maximizer or a Satisficer? Do you evaluate and stress over every single detail of a decision or are you usually okay with a “good enough” decision?    

 Take-aways:

1. Roasted Brussel Sprouts or Carrot Sticks: Sometimes decisions don’t need to be that hard.  You don’t have to roast brussel sprouts when a bag of carrot sticks will suffice. If you’re a maximizer like Phyllis, practice satisficing.  Good enough is good enough!
2. A.U.T.H.O.R. - Ask yourself who you can commit to being and then be the person who has the most reason to make that decision.  Be the author of your life choices!

 We want to have a conversation with you!

There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast.  You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE.  If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. How To Make A Hard Decision - Life Kit
2. Why Is It Difficult to Make Decisions? | Psychology Today
3. Decision-Making | Psychology Today
4. 5 Steps for Overcoming Indecision
5. Armchair Expert

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 2: Why Do We Armor Up? How Can We Show Up Authentically and Find Communities Where We Belong? (based on work by Brene Brown).

 Some deep things we cover:

1. Fitting In vs. Belonging: When you fit in, you change yourself to enter the community.  When you belong, you show up as you are and are embraced by the community.
2. Vulnerability in Parenting vs. Authoritarian Parenting: Phyllis is experimenting with parenting by being a human next to her kids by being vulnerable with boundaries.
3. Phyllis wonders if the armor that she used as a child still serves her as an adult.
4. Masculine and Feminine Norms: According to Brene Brown, a shame trigger for masculine norms is weakness and for feminine norms it is imperfection.
5. How does perfection show up for Julie and Phyllis?
6. Phyllis discusses how insecurity causes her to armor up.
7. Julie discusses why she armors up when it comes to her partnership.
8. Self Talk: Do you engage in guilt talk or shame talk?  Which one is better?
9. A Mantra to Combat Imperfection: Brene Brown uses this one and Phyllis has adopted it too: “I don’t want to be right.  I wanna get it right.”
10. How do we create inclusive spaces so people can be a part of the conversation?

 Take-aways:

1. What Armor Can We Do Away With That No Longer Serves Us?  
2. Where Does Perfection Show Up in Our Lives?

 We want to have a conversation with you!  There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast.  You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend.  If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Vulnerable Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
2. Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't (transcript) | TED
3. Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't - Taken for Granted | Podcast on Spotify

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 1: What it is and What it isn’t (based on work by Brene Brown)

 Some deep things we cover:

1. TW: Phyllis and Julie share some raw thoughts and feelings after the school shooting in Uvalde.  Please take care of yourselves and skip the first 8 minutes of the podcast if you need some space to process. 
2. There is No Courage Without Vulnerability: Brene Brown defines “vulnerability” as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
3. Vulnerability in the Workplace: Being invulnerable at work can hamper connection with coworkers and yet being overly vulnerable can hijack productivity.  Vulnerability can be appropriate in a work setting with the right boundaries.  
4. Vulnerability Without Boundaries is Not Vulnerability.
5. The Messy House: Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we are a bit like a messy house.  We overshare because we don’t have a good grasp on our “stuff” so it can spill out onto people. 
6. The Mask: What is the mask we put on to protect ourselves instead of showing up as our authentic selves? 
7. You Don’t Need to Cry to be Vulnerable
8. The Color Spectrum of Authenticity: If we imagine ourselves as a color, showing up as our authentic selves can mean showing up in a different shade depending on the relationship and the moment.  

 Take-aways:

Vulnerability = Sharing with Boundaries + Intention of Connection
Remember that vulnerability is not emotional dumping or oversharing.  Before you share something personal figure out your intention.  Is what you’re about to share something that will help build a stronger connection with your friend?  And is this relationship an appropriate one to share at this level of depth?  

 Connect with us!

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast.  You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend.  If you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. "Vulnerable"  - Merriam-Webster
2. Taken for Granted: Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't (transcript) | TED
3. Brené Brown on What Vulnerability Isn't - Taken for Granted

Ways to advance solutions to end gun violence: 

1. Urge your senators to pass gun safety legislation now. Moms Demand Action has a form you can fill out and the message will go directly to a senator in your state.

2. Donate to any of the following organizations: 

• Moms Demand Action
• Everytown for Gun Safety 
• Brady Campaign

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about The Power of Music to Create Human Connection.

 Some deep things we cover:

1. Phyllis and Julie share how music was such a joyful part of their upbringing.
2. Phyllis and Julie love to dance! I see a virtual dance party in our future.
3. Music is Ancient: It is embedded in so many cultures and has been with us since the beginning of time.
4. Phyllis loves Encanto and Julie loves Moana: If you like these movies then we can be friends.  If you don’t then we need to talk.
5. Music is Amazing: It connects us to ourselves.  It connects us to others.  It’s a universal language. It’s infused in everything.  It helps you feel your feelings.  It’s powerful. It’s human.

Take-aways:

1. Let music be your medicine and companion.  If we are having trouble feeling our feelings, let’s have music help us.  Instead of scrolling through our phones, let’s find a song that can keep us company.
2. We want to hear from you!  What is your relationship with music?  What was music like in your household growing up?  What are your favorite songs?  What songs resonate with you now?  What songs capture high and low moments in your life?  What are the stories behind those songs?  Tell us your stories:

• Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
• LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
• Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
• Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

If you liked this podcast, be sure to RATE and REVIEW.  You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend.  Click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Music and Artists we referenced in the episode:

1. Original maori haka dance
2. In the streets of Kharkiv, Ukraine-2022  -  Bach Cello Suite no  5 in C minor
3. All Of You (From "Encanto"/Lyric Video)
4. Norah Jones - Come Away With Me 
5. The Corrs - Runaway 
6. Jason Mraz - The Remedy
7. India.Arie - Video 
8. Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen
9. The Greatest Showman Cast - This Is Me 
10. Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly 
11. Sarah McLachlan - Angel 
12. Sara Bareilles - Brave
13. Lizzo - Good As Hell 

Ways to bring awareness and advance solutions to end gun violence: 

1. Wear Orange on June 3rd-5th and look for an event near you.
2. Check out these organizations and see how you can get involved: 

• Moms Demand Action
• Everytown for Gun Safety 
• Brady Campaign

Hello So Deep Peeps! 
Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Love Languages: How to Love Our People by Speaking Their Language  (based on The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lastsby Dr. Gary Chapman).

Some deep things we cover:

1. What are the 5 Love Languages?  I’m glad you asked! 1) Acts of Service 2) Words of Affirmation 3) Gifts 4) Quality Time 5) Touch
2. Phyllis and Julie Take the Love Languages Quiz: Find out the results!
3. Are We Monolingual or Multilingual?  Can we speak more than one love language?  And do our love languages change depending on who we spend time with?
4. Ruling Out Love Languages: Identify which ones you can live without and the last one standing is probably your primary love language.
5. We Give Love the Way We Receive Love: How can we translate those love languages so we can feel loved and how can we love others the way they would like to be loved?
6. Showing Love Sometimes Means Cleaning Up Cat Vomit: If your loved one’s love language is acts of service, sometimes you need to suck it up and do the gross things that they can’t quite tolerate. 
7. A Cultural Aspect: Phyllis didn’t hear the words “I love you” growing up because it was not a part of her culture.  
8. The “Frommers”: Learn what this term means in Phyllis’ family and hear more about her kids’ love languages.
9. Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A children's book about what it means to love and be kind.

Take-aways:

1. Write down a few memories of a time you felt really loved by a loved one.  What category of love language does it fall into?  Chances are, this is one of your primary love languages.
2. Take the Love Languages quiz here: The Love Language™ Quiz and then have a conversation about it with a loved one.  What would it look like to learn each other's love languages?

We want to have a conversation with you!  Here's how to connect with us:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on:  FB: @sodeeppeeps OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 Be sure to RATE and REVIEW if you liked this podcast.  You can also FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE.  Click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced:

1. The 5 Love Languages - Book Smart Podcast 
2. Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages - Oprah's Super Soul
3. Do you know the 5 love languages? 
4. The Love Language™ Quiz
5. Have You Filled a Bucket Today? - McCloud, Carol, Messing, David

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Loneliness: What Is It?  How Does It Feel?  And What Can I Do About It?

 Some deep things we cover:

1. What is Loneliness? Mental health professionals define it as the gap between the level of connectedness that you want and what you have.  It turns out that loneliness is incredibly subjective.
2. Loneliness is a Distress Signal: Just like hunger tells us we need food and thirst tells us we need water, loneliness tells us we need connection.
3. We Often Don’t Recognize That We Are Lonely: Loneliness is tricky to identify because we have these “weapons of mass distraction” called phones that help us numb out our need for connection.
4. Work Centered Lives vs. People Centered Lives: Our world does not put people first.  It puts work first and we are lonelier and sicker than ever.  What would our world look like if we truly put people first?
5. Tend and Befriend Instinct: It turns out that in times of distress, people often help one another.  Helping others is a great way to cure a lonely heart.

Take-aways:

1. Loneliness is Often Masked by Overwhelm, Boredom or Feeling Unsettled:  If you’re scrolling through your phone aimlessly, chances are, you might be lonely.  What can you do to feel more connected?  What kind of connection are you wanting and how can you achieve that?
2. Lend a Hand When You’re Lonely: Find ways to volunteer or help out a friend when you’re feeling lonely.  It turns out that helping someone else feel like they matter helps you feel like you matter.
3. Find Common Ground: If you struggle to find ways to connect with your loved ones, lean hard into the things that you do connect on.  By leaning into the areas where you do connect, you are building the groundwork for deeper relationship.

 We want to have a conversation with you!
There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps  OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. How to Know You're Lonely - How to Build a Happy Life | Podcast on Spotify
2. How loneliness is damaging our health
3. Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World - by Murthy MD, Vivek H

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Forgiveness: Why Forgive and Forget is NOT the Goal.

 Some deep things we cover:

1. Apologies and Forgiveness are not a Gift Exchange: They are separate processes that happen for people on their own time.  They take work, time and patience.
2. Forgiveness is the deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment or vengeance.  Forgiveness is work that you do for yourself. It is a pathway to inner peace.
3. Forgive and Forget is not Possible: This saying seems to again highlight our society’s inability to process and integrate unpleasant emotions into our lives.  We need a new catchphrase!  Forgive and Integrate?  Forgive and Flourish?  Help!  
4. Can Forgiveness Be Just as Compelling as Revenge on TV? We see it in soap operas, in reality TV shows, in movies…why is revenge so compelling?  Forgiveness can be sexy too!  Forgiveness = The New Revenge?
5. Decision Based Forgiveness & Emotional Forgiveness: What is the difference?  
6. What are We Really Asking for When We Ask for Forgiveness?  
7. Apologizing and Forgiveness are Key Components of Healthy Relationship With Your Loved Ones: In a healthy relationship, we sometimes need to hold in tension our desire to reconnect and also give space for the other person’s process to forgive.

Take-aways:

1. Forgiveness is not a destination.  It is a journey.
2. Forgiveness is an internal pathway to peace.
3. Sometimes when you ask for forgiveness, you may not get it.

We want to have a conversation with you!

There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook.
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps & Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. 5 Ways to Forgive People (Even Those Who Don't Apologize) | Savvy Psychologist
2. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness - Mayo Clinic
3. Forgiveness | Psychology Today
4. What is Forgiveness? (+9 Science-Based Benefits)
5. What Really Feels Better, Forgiveness Or Revenge? New Research Has An Answer
6. Which Is More Empowering, Forgiveness or Revenge? | Psychology Today
7. Oprah Winfrey: FORGIVENESS - Oprah's Super Soul | Podcast on Spotify 

Hello So Deep Peeps!  

Welcome to That’s So Deep.  This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What’s the Difference?

 Some deep things we cover:

1. Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies…we’ve heard them all and done them all.
2. True Apologies (according to Dr. Harriet Lerner): 
   • Do not include the word "but". 
   • Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's response
   • Don't overdo. 
   • Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong. 
   • Do not serve to silence someone. 
3. Apologies are the Beginning of Conversations…not the End.
4. Apologizing to Your Children Builds Connection.

Take-aways:

1. Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you’re going to raise an issue, then raise an issue.  That’s okay.  If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it.  Separate the two.  These are two different conversations.
2. Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till  you make it” is not a great plan.  If you don’t feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize.  
3. Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself:  When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it.  Don’t just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person.  Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party.  Your relationship will be better for it.

We want to have a conversation with you!

There are many ways to connect with us.  Here are some of them:

1. Join our That's So Deep Community Group on Facebook
2. LIKE and FOLLOW us on: Facebook: @sodeeppeeps  OR Instagram @thatssodeeppod
3. Text us or leave us a voicemail: 805-288-0884
4. Email us: sodeeppeeps@gmail.com

 If you liked this podcast, you can FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE or SHARE with a friend and if you don’t want to miss an episode, click that BELL so you can be notified right away when the next episode releases.  

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming, 

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

1. Harriet Lerner and Brené - I'm Sorry: How To Apologize & Why It Matters, Part 1 of 2 - Unlocking Us with Brené Brown
2. 13 Fake Apologies Used By Narcissists | Psychology Today
3. Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts: Lerner PhD, Harriet
4. Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will: Tsabary, Dr. Shefali