Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question most couples never ask out loud: Do I even know what I need anymore? And have I actually told them? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about needs, resentment, and why so many marriages slowly drift apart.

Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura couldn't name a single personal need for months, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: couples don't fail because they have needs. They fail because needs go unspoken, then assumed, then resented. And that quiet drift is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could.

Laura shares what it took to finally identify her own needs after years of putting everyone else first and why it took months before she felt safe enough to voice them. Carl delivers the challenge most husbands avoid: if you're waiting for your wife to validate you but you haven't validated yourself, you're handing her a weight nobody was meant to carry.

From why your needs must be updated like an iPhone, to the definition of validation that changes everything, to why withholding encouragement from your spouse leaves them vulnerable to hear it from someone else, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.

This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on old information while wondering why nothing feels right anymore.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Am I Too Needy? Maybe That's The Point

01:16 Why "You Complete Me" Is A Terrible Operating System

03:34 Half Your Fights Are Really About This

05:00 Your Needs Must Be Updated Like An iPhone

07:12 Couples Don't Fail Because Of Needs

09:22 Laura Couldn't Name A Single Need For Months

11:51 God Behind Bars Partnership

13:07 Own Your Needs First Then Share The Remainder

19:23 How Do We Handle The Need For Validation

19:54 Plana Partnership

22:45 Why A Wife's Voice Is Uniquely Powerful

27:10 The Connection Between Empty Tanks And Affairs

31:37 Final Thoughts: Become The Needy Couple

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