After taking a couple of months off podcasting, I have realized that I am at a critical junction in healing from Sam's death. I now want to focus more on healing and what I learned from Sam's life than the tragedy of his death.

This is a huge mountain to climb but after more than 3 years in grief, it's clear to me that when we lose a son or daughter, it's easy to get locked in on a life gone too soon and sometimes, the joy they brought us can get lost in our grief. This has been my experience and I think it is a normal part of this kind of loss but now it is time to take another step forward and that is what today's episode is about.💕

Sam's body was discovered on November 13th, 2022, and his funeral was on the 20th. The anniversary of losing a child never gets easier. The trauma lives in our bodies.

In today's episode, I share memories and thoughts from that impossible week, my struggle with grieving alone, and my heartfelt decision to bring a 4-legged companion back into my life.

The triggers and grief of losing a child are profound, relentless, and never ending. When I lost my beautiful standard pup Luna 14 months ago, I felt the bottom drop out of my world again. She had been my constant companion and support, she was even by my side at Sam's funeral.

I am grateful that I have taken an enormous step toward healing by allowing myself to love another dog. 💕

As I struggle with the upcoming 3rd anniversary of Sam's death, I am trying to stay grounded by remembering how difficult the end of his life was. The only time I ever felt "safe" from potential bad news was when I was out of cell phone reception. It felt normal at the time but it was far from it.

Sam didn't leave a good life behind, he left pain, suffering, anxiety, and a crippling addiction that he could not see his way out of. He had given up. As his mom, even in my deepest grief, I can't wish he were back in such agony.

Sometimes it's important to be realistic. I lost a wonderful son who had become incapacitated by the same drugs that are causing a worldwide epidemic.