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Dating after 50 is equal parts exciting, ridiculous and mildly terrifying — and Barbara Smit is our woman in the field. She's not an expert. She's just actually out there: she's met the apps, survived the messages, dodged a scammer or two, and lived to file this report. In one of the most honest conversations of the season, we get into ghosting, the charming "blue-eyed, blonde Aussie" scammer nobody warns you about, the pub-based safety system Barbara swears by — and the quiet, unglamorous work of figuring out who you are after 20 years of marriage.

No fairytales. No "just put yourself out there!" No toxic positivity. Just the field report.

In this episode

• (01:23) The 2026 dating landscape — and why you supposedly can't just meet someone at the pub anymore
• (02:40) Four years single, 20 years married: "Okay, who am I actually?"
• (05:10) Losing yourself in a marriage — and getting some help to find your way back
• (09:24) The unexpected good: respectful younger men who genuinely give her hope
• (11:31) Ghosting, and the dark patch of 12 men in a row — "It's not me, it's them"
• (14:04) Cougar, gold digger, lonely — the labels women cop no matter who they date
• (16:10) The scammer who wasn't a Nigerian prince — $20, then $50, then $100, then $5,000
• (20:16) The shame women carry about being scammed — and why we need to talk about it
• (22:48) The "hello baby, hello darling" red flag
• (24:44) Barbara's safety system: public first dates, a signal to the bar staff, and an exit through the kitchen
• (28:11) Boundaries — set them before you go in, because most will push
• (31:00) For the woman who doesn't know where to start: fix yourself first, find your sisters in arms
• (35:08) The dating survival kit: a book on stoicism, a bestie, and a good local barman
• (36:43) The field report headline: terrifying, ridiculous, funny — and, somehow, still fun

About our guest

Barbara Smit is Kate's "woman in the field" — a Perth local, originally from South Africa, who's spent the last few years navigating midlife dating firsthand after a 20-year marriage. She's generous, funny and refreshingly unfiltered about all of it, scams included.

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