Idea For Parshas Mattos
When Hashem commanded Bnei Yisroel to take revenge against Midyan, He told Moshe Rabbeinu that after this war, his mission in this world would be complete and he would pass on. Upon realizing that Moshe’s passing was tied to their success in battle, Bnei Yisroel hesitated to go to war—not out of fear, but out of a deep love for Moshe. They wanted to delay the war and prolong Moshe’s life as much as possible.
Rashi (Bamidbar 31:5) points out how remarkable this is: “See how beloved the shepherd is to his flock! Until now, Moshe felt threatened that Bnei Yisroel wanted to kill him, blaming him for their troubles in the desert. Now, when they realize he’s about to die, they want to do everything possible to keep him alive.”
The Shlah Hakadosh asks, why is it a praise that up until now, Moshe felt threatened that Bnei Yisroel wanted to kill him? That doesn't show love at all!
There was once a man in a shtetl who approached the local matchmaker and asked, “Find me a wife who is always happy, who always sees the positive in life.” The matchmaker found him such a woman, and they married. But not long after, she began to voice her disappointments and frustrations. Confused, the man returned to the matchmaker, saying, “I thought you promised me a wife who is always happy!” The matchmaker replied, “She is always happy. The fact that she shares her complaints with you means she trusts you deeply. She believes you are the one who can help her, so she brings her problems to you.”
So too with Bnei Yisroel and Moshe Rabbeinu. When they complained and brought their grievances to Moshe, it wasn’t a sign of disrespect. On the contrary, they saw Moshe as the one person who could help them, who cared about their pain and could bring their concerns before Hashem. Their complaints were, in a sense, a compliment—they trusted Moshe and looked to him as their address for every problem. It was only when Moshe’s passing became imminent that their true intentions were revealed to all. Their desire to prolong his life showed that their complaints stemmed from a deep relationship of trust and love.
When we read through the stories in the Torah about all the times the Jews were complaining, we wonder what was wrong with that generation. Weren’t they holy? Now we understand that this was actually a great act of trust they were showing. And so too, in our lives, when a child or spouse complains to us, realize that you are the person they trust most!