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"You can't control everything—just focus on what you can control."

We've all heard that advice. But what if it's not always wisdom? What if sometimes it's a cop-out?

In this episode of the Northbound Podcast, host Chris challenges one of the most common pieces of leadership advice and digs into when "focus on what you can control" becomes a way to avoid conflict, responsibility, or hard conversations.

Chris explores the difference between control and agency, why staying on the sidelines can be just as damaging as trying to control everything, and how leaders (at any level) can take responsible action—even when systems, bosses, or organizations don't change.

If you've ever felt stuck, disengaged, burned out, or tempted to say "that's outside my control," this episode will help you rethink your role, reclaim your agency, and lead with intention—whether you're in charge or not.

• Why "focus on what you can control" can be wisdom or a quiet surrender

• The origin of the term cop-out and how it shows up in modern leadership

• How labeling everything as "out of my control" leads to burnout and disengagement

• The two traps leaders fall into:

  • Staying on the sidelines

  • Trying to control everything

• Control vs. agency: forcing outcomes vs. taking intentional action within constraints

• What is always within your control:

  • Your responses

  • Communication with leadership

  • Expectations and definitions of success

  • Learning, effort, and energy

  • Boundaries (time, emotional labor, tolerance for dysfunction)

• Practical examples:

  • Addressing toxic leadership directly instead of tolerating it

  • Giving feedback on organizational direction, budgets, and resourcing

  • Asking for feedback before performance reviews or promotion decisions

  • Speaking up about process and technology improvements

• Why encouragement is one of the most powerful acts of leadership

• Leadership isn't about position—it's about agency

• Focusing on what you can control becomes a problem when it helps you avoid hard conversations, boundaries, or decisions.

• Staying on the sidelines and trying to control everything both lead to the same outcome: stress, burnout, and disengagement.

• The goal of leadership is agency, not control.

• Even when systems don't change, you still have a "next responsible move."

• Boundaries are always your responsibility—and tolerating toxic behavior is not leadership.

• Giving direct, honest feedback is healthier than gossip or silence.

• Leadership is something you practice, not a title you're given.

• Encouragement is real leadership—and it's available to everyone.

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Have you ever had a boss who was… kind of a buffoon? Not evil, not stupid—just unaware of how they land.

In this episode of the Northbound Podcast, Chris breaks down why leadership usually fails: not because of bad intentions, but because self-awareness is missing. You'll learn how blind spots hide behind confidence, how power quietly shuts down honesty, and how "that's just how they are" becomes a culture that protects the wrong things.

Chris introduces the idea of "buffoon busting"—practical leadership work focused on identifying blind spots, auditing your language, building feedback loops, and creating a culture where clarity replaces chaos. This isn't about shaming leaders. It's about removing what's in the way so you can lead boldly, humbly, and with real credibility.

• What "buffoon" really means

  • Not malicious, not stupid—often confident and well-intentioned.

  • The problem is impact without awareness (power used casually, language used carelessly).

  • "I didn't mean it that way" doesn't erase harm.

• How blind spots form

  • Blind spots don't announce themselves—they often look like confidence.

  • Power distorts feedback: the more power you have, the less truth you get.

  • Silence can become fake approval; laughter can replace honesty.

• Culture can calcify bad behavior

  • "That's just how he is" / "She didn't mean it like that" protects dysfunction.

  • Sometimes the "dirt bag" truly doesn't know—because no one tells them.

• Common blind spot categories

  • Language blind spots: "Relax, it was a joke," "You're too sensitive," "That's not what I meant" (invalidating/gaslighting).

  • Gender & identity blind spots: talking over, dismissing until repeated, mansplaining, commenting on tone/appearance instead of substance.

  • Emotional authority blind spots: using "intuition" to exclude; reframing dissent as ego/aggression; shutting down pushback.

  • Control confusion: mistaking leadership for control instead of creating belonging.

• Leadership behaviors that reveal blind spots

  • "Open door" leaders who punish honesty.

  • Favoritism disguised as trust (rewarding yes-people).

  • Asking for feedback but immediately defending or demanding examples to dismiss.

  • If feedback feels threatening, the blind spot is already active.

• The Northbound way forward

  • Being the buffoon isn't the failure—staying the buffoon is.

  • Replace certainty with curiosity:

    • "I missed that." "Tell me more." "What am I not seeing?"

  • Audit language, watch who goes quiet, notice who never challenges you.

  • Build structures: feedback loops, language/power audits, role play, coaching, "leadership mirror" sessions.

• Course / next steps

  • "Buffoon busting" course includes checklists, feedback sheets, deeper videos, and optional 1:1 Zoom coaching.

  • Focus: build a culture where clarity replaces crisis and chaos.

• Leadership breakdown is usually a self-awareness problem, not an intent problem.

• Power reduces honesty—leaders must design feedback back into their world.

• "That's just how they are" is a cultural excuse that protects dysfunction.

• Dissent isn't disloyalty—shutting it down creates blind spots and resentment.

• Credibility grows when leaders can say:

  • "I was wrong." "I'm sorry." "Help me understand."

• If nobody challenges you, that's not peace—that's data.

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The idea of a "work wife" or "work husband" gets tossed around casually—but is it actually harmless?

In this episode of the Northbound Podcast, Chris tackles why this language isn't just unprofessional, but actively harmful to individuals, marriages, teams, and organizations. What sounds like a joke often masks blurred emotional boundaries, misplaced intimacy, and real legal and ethical risk at work.

Chris breaks down why emotional intimacy is still intimacy—even without romance—and why borrowing marriage language in the workplace erodes trust, psychological safety, and respect for real partnerships at home. He also offers practical, healthy alternatives for building strong professional relationships without crossing lines that should never be crossed.

This episode is a must-listen for leaders, managers, and professionals who want to foster trust at work without sacrificing integrity, boundaries, or their most important relationships.

• Why the terms "work wife" and "work husband" are toxic, not harmless

• How marriage language at work normalizes emotional boundary crossing

• Why emotional intimacy without romance is still inappropriate in the workplace

• The way "work spouse" dynamics create exclusion, favoritism, and broken trust

• How this language disrespects real marriages and partnerships

• The legal, ethical, and HR risks tied to perceived favoritism and power dynamics

• What people usually mean when they say "work spouse"—and better ways to say it

• The difference between healthy professional support and unhealthy emotional reliance

• Practical guidance for honoring boundaries while still building deep trust at work

• You don't get a second spouse at work—you get coworkers.

• Emotional intimacy is still intimacy, even without romance.

• If you wouldn't explain a "work spouse" relationship comfortably to your real spouse, that's your answer.

• Strong professional relationships do not require blurred emotional boundaries.

• Language shapes culture—and careless language creates real consequences.

• Trust, support, and collaboration can exist without borrowing intimacy from the home.

• Healthy workplaces protect marriages, teams, and psychological safety at the same time.

Do you need encouragement and support with your marriage?

Contact Matt Hallock at www.ManWarriorKing.com

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Can you have loyalty without action?

In this episode of Northbound Leadership, Chris reflects on a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon and draws a powerful parallel to leadership under pressure. Once you're in the canyon, you're committed. The water moves fast, the weather changes, and the rapids don't care how confident your guide sounds. In that kind of environment, loyalty isn't proven by words—it's proven by action.

Chris explores why loyalty without action is empty, how hesitation and silence expose teams to danger, and why decisive leadership builds trust when things get rough. Using real-world rafting experiences, he shows that great leaders prepare for what others can't see, step in when risk is highest, and absorb pressure so their people don't have to.

This episode challenges leaders to move beyond lip service and lead with courage, clarity, and commitment—especially when the waters are rough. Because loyalty isn't what you say when things are calm; it's how you lead when the rapids hit.

Pick up the oar. Read the river. Lead the raft.