Eugenia and Avery drag themselves into Macbeth Act 5, Scene 6 at an hour that should be illegal, only to discover that Malcolm’s big tactical masterstroke is, once again, “everyone carry branches and pretend we are landscaping.” They are forced to process drum-and-colours chaos, bough-based “leafy screens,” and the kind of loud, visually aggressive staging that would get a modern venue shut down for sensory assault.

Malcolm orders the army to throw down their leafy screens like it is a casual wardrobe change, and Avery immediately questions the labor practices, the splinter exposure, and the total lack of HR involvement. Eugenia points out that Old Siward is basically being voluntold into combat with a cheerful “fare you well,” which is not a goodbye, it is a workplace safety violation. Siward’s son is also dragged into the front line, which feels less “right noble son” and more “nepotism meets trauma during a gap year.”

Meanwhile, Malcolm and Macduff keep the safer, prestige-heavy part of the plan for themselves, delegating risk while reserving glory like the most insufferable middle management duo in history. Macduff then adds trumpets to the mix, loudly announcing “blood and death” at top volume while the army is supposedly trying to be stealthy. Eugenia calls it strategy malpractice, Avery calls it noise pollution and ecosystem harassment, and both agree that if you must stage a siege, a strongly worded text and a block button would have been cleaner.

The scene delivers no action, only posturing, percussion, and a sudden exit that leaves everyone carrying imaginary sap on imaginary costumes with absolutely no closure. Naturally, it ends with an “Exeunt” that feels less like a stage direction and more like Shakespeare personally walking out of the room mid-conversation.