Elizabeth's one tip to make the world a better place reiterated a long held truth, but also one I easily forget. Communication is key. I needed that reminder that "conflict is based on false perceptions of the other person's role and capabilities, and without asking, you have no idea what you're asking of them. You're assuming how they feel and what they meant, based on your life experiences" This is exactly what I needed to hear at this exact moment in life.

Her advice about taking whatever is making you angry and re-channeling it to drive your ambition is a powerful exhortation that we can all benefit from. Re-framing a problem in a different light is the beginning of changing our mindset. And as we have learned all too well on this podcast, your mindset is the key to everything. Elizabeth is no stranger to this tactic. Like she said, "there is no such thing as a problem, only an opportunity to succeed." And that is truly how she lives her life. May we all learn to view our challenges as opportunities...just as Elizabeth has.

Defy Ventures

Sithy brought up an interesting point on his decision to join the gang...not only was it considered just the next step because everyone around him was doing it, but he wanted the dual benefits of belonging and protection. The need for acceptance and to impress silenced his initial desire to not participate in the illegal activities of the gang. He was slowly desensitized to the impact of his crimes on others because the praise received from fellow gang members was worth more than the values of his conscience. It wasn't until he was sent to prison that he woke up to the fact that all the gang activity was actually hurting their own communities; it was typically rival gangs of the same ethnicities doing harm to each other. I'm intrigued by his insight and want to follow up with research of my own. Why do we so often choose things that go against our good? Why do we sabotage ourselves and our communities? I see this happen in the people we vote for, in personal relationships, with our eating habits, in education. It is truly a sad phenomenon. But the promise of change and good comes with awakening. Sithy no longer lets lies guide him. He woke up to the reality of his choices and the harmful effects they had not only on himself but his entire community.

As messed up as our prison system is, here is another individual who is actually thankful he ended up in prison because he knows it saved his life and possibly the life of a future victim. This is the paradox of life, isn't it? Sometimes we think something is bad, but it turns out to be good for us and vice versa. There are alot of people and organizations trying to bring good out of an inherently bad system. For that, I am thankful.

Sithy said a phrase I had never heard before and attributed it to the founder of Defy...learning to dance with fear. I find that incredibly freeing and beautiful and relatable. You don't have to be imprisoned or formerly incarcerated to understand or relate to that analogy. We all have our own dance with fear. May we learn to hold the tension between fear and joy and learn to dance with our fear, just as Sithy has.

Sithy's motto for living: "A smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others." - Anonymous

Sithy's Instagram - sithycity37

Defy Ventures

Education taught David how to hone skills he didn't realize he had. It also taught him to take the negative impulsiveness that had plagued him his entire life and reframe it as a tool that he can use, not one that controls him. Although his transformation was a long time coming, when it occurred, it was genuine. Like he said, "To change you have to want it." Once his mindset changed, there was no looking back except to use his past choices to motivate him to keep progressing forward.

David's encouragement to volunteer with an organization that serves the incarcerated population and learn for yourself how to make a difference in the justice system is a wise one. Fear is what separates us. Once you meet the inmates, then you can make a judgement, but not until then. Everybody is redeemable. Everybody deserves a second chance.

Psychiatrist and author, Dr. James Gordon, expresses the same sentiment that David discovered in prison, “It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t… It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.” This might just be what being a resilient human being hinges on. May we all dig deep and find the courage to change ourselves and our world for the better, just as David has.

Defy Ventures

After hearing Laura's story, the words that come to mind are: determined, brave, compassionate, strong, forgiving, teachable, and resilient. She was dealt a terrible hand in life. She confesses to her mistakes without playing the victim. She wakes up every day and chooses to better herself and help others. Her life is a testament to this. It seems that many prison programs are what help bring about healing in so many broken souls who've found themselves incarcerated. They are finally in a place to learn things they were never taught, grow in understanding, education, and empathy, as well as heal themselves through the help of therapists, dogs, and volunteers who assert their worthiness to be loved even when they themselves can't yet see it.

Dr. Van Der Kolk, the author of the famed book, "The Body Keeps the Score" says, "We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way the mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.” This is of paramount importance for all of us to learn. The trauma Laura experienced in childhood shaped the rest of her life. Thankfully, she came to learn this and dealt with her trauma head on. May we all learn to do the hard thing, just as Laura has.

Laura's quote: "Do unto others as you'd like done unto you."

Defy Ventures

Andy's generous, gentle soul had quite the impact on me. Despite his life experiences he is still an ardent believer that people are born good and he chooses to see the good in people, try to find common ground, and bring people together. This is a transformed man from the one who thought fighting was the answer to everything.

I loved the surprise bunny trail we went down about dog training and learning how to read people. I'm so thankful there are organizations who reach out to prisoners and give them chances to learn more about themselves, the world around them, and how to improve their lives. If this season is teaching us nothing else, it certainly is showing us that prison education programs have the capacity to be transformational and inmates are not lost causes. Just because you make a really stupid choice does not exclude you from growing and learning from it and improving your emotional, mental, or spirtual health.

This is not the last you've seen or heard of Andy. He has so much to share with the world. Be sure to check out the links in the show notes to the articles he wrote. His story and the way he narrates it is so compelling. I sat riveted as I was listening to him speak. No wonder people are drawn to him. Andy, I can tell you've taken to heart and live what Tupac said: "My aim is to spread more smiles than tears." May we all try to be the gift of happiness in someone else's life today, just as Andy has.

Quote: THUG LIFE - The hate that you give little infants f***s everybody - Tupac Shakur

BULLETT - Born to unite loyalty and love in every thug's life

Puppies Behind Bars

Andy's Writings:

NYU Local Blog

NYU's Independent School Newspaper

Defy Ventures

II was deeply touched by the simple yet profound recognition that Darlene so eloquently gave voice to: Healing is not linear. If you stop and think about it, it makes perfect sense. None of us deal with an issue and move on. It keeps resurfacing and sneaking up on us throughout our life. This is why we seek out friends and therapists to talk to. This is why we get depressed. This is why we often get stuck in cycles of unhealthy thinking. Giving ourselves permission to heal over and over again, even if it's something we thought we dealt with already, is incredibly freeing.

Darlene danced around the ideas of socio-economic and racial inequality as reasons why so many end up incarcerated. Without mentioning these two systemic forces by name, she spoke directly to the effects these causes left unchecked yield in society. I appreciate that she boldly speaks to this and raises her voice yet again for the value and worth of the marginalized. Opportunities, education, and resources should not be allotted to people based on their immigration status, wealth, skin color, or any other reason. Isn't this the heart of social justice work at its core? Gandhi spoke to this universal truth more than 50 years ago when he said, "The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.”

I was inspired by Darlene's quote from Kahlil Gibran, our shared favorite poet, to close with this quote in honor of Darlene and her life's journey. "Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing what will be." I see the work she does for Defy Ventures in this light. May we all learn to recognize and value the humanity in each person we meet, just as Darlene has.

Favorite quote:

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit - Khalil Gibran

Be a lamp or a lifeboat. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd. - Rumi

Defy Ventures

Nhut enlightens us about why insecure kids are drawn into gang life - the feelings of loss of control, inadequacy, not belonging to their culture of origin or their new culture. In this light, broken people are taken with the allure of gang life by finding a place to belong and come together - not for healing their brokenness - rather ,to encourage the trifecta of false pride, false power, and false respect. He's intimately aware of this mindset and has compassion on those who find this their only way of escape and belonging.

Nhut told me, "You will not gain any wisdom unless you suffer" only someone who has walked that path can utter those words. And he now sees that suffering as a gift. I believe he has internalized the words of the Dalai Lama, "A genuine change must first come from within the individual, only then can he or she attempt to make a significant contribution to humanity." May we all learn to become more aware our self-limiting mindsets so that we can grow in acceptance, loving-kindness, and character...just as Nhut has.

Pawsitive Change Program - Instagram - @pawsitivechangeprogram

Nhut's Instagram - @art_noumenon

Nhut's dog training Instagram - @humblek9

Defy Ventures