In this episode, Tracy explains why forgiveness isn’t passive, instant, or pretending the hurt didn’t happen—it’s an active, ongoing choice that makes healing and growth possible in your marriage. She unpacks what forgiveness is (and isn’t), shows what it can look like in real-life scenarios, and challenges both spouses to not only give forgiveness but ask for it with humility.

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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.

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Gary Chapman's book: The Five Languages of Apology

Video from the Marriage Channel: The F Word that Can Save Your Marriage

Every marriage will face hurt. Expectations will be missed. Words will be spoken in frustration. Sometimes there will even be deep betrayal. The question isn’t if you’ll need forgiveness in your marriage — it’s whether you’ll choose it.

Forgiveness is not passive. It’s not pretending the hurt didn’t happen. And it’s not a “magic eraser” that wipes away pain overnight. Biblical forgiveness is an active, ongoing choice. It’s the decision to release the offense so that healing and growth can begin.

When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone, Jesus answered, “seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22. That wasn’t a literal number — it was a posture. Forgiveness is meant to characterize the heart of a follower of Christ.

1. Forgiveness Is a Choice

Forgiveness doesn’t always feel natural. It’s a deliberate decision not to replay the offense over and over or use it as ammunition in the next argument. It’s choosing not to hold your spouse hostage to their failure.

2. Forgiveness Is a Gift

You’re giving your spouse space to grow. You’re saying, “You hurt me, but I’m willing to move forward instead of weaponizing this against you.” It creates room for rebuilding.

3. Forgiveness Is Active and Ongoing

Some wounds are deep. If there has been infidelity, addiction, or repeated betrayal, forgiveness may not be a one-time event. It may be something you choose daily — even moment by moment — as painful memories resurface.

4. Forgiveness Means Giving Up Vengeance

Holding onto bitterness may feel justified, but it poisons your heart. Hebrews 12:15 warns about the “poisonous root of bitterness.” Revenge does not create healing soil for reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not minimize the offense. And it does not automatically restore trust.

Trust and forgiveness are not the same thing. Forgiveness is a...