Let's dismantle one of our most seductive illusions: that we’re in control, and that that's what makes us safe.

In this episode, we explore how control, expectations, disappointment, and safety are intertwined. We get into what we don’t control (almost everything) from what we do influence (ourselves). We dig into the fact that attempts to control life often backfire—amplifying frustration, resentment, and suffering—and that presence, humor, and self-responsibility tend to soften experience and open up better outcomes.

The episode offers practical ways to “delete the default” of externalized control: replacing should with want, giving yourself the reassurance you seek from others, practicing believable self-talk, and meeting fear and disappointment with compassion instead of resistance. Ultimately, this is a conversation about letting go without giving up—recognizing that it often takes more strength to release control than to cling to it, and that a meaningful life includes falling off the wall, wiping out on the wave, and laughing at your own humanity along the way.

What if love isn’t a feeling, but a verb—a set of actions, choices, and ways of being?

In this episode, we take on one of the most loaded words in our culture—love—and get underneath the defaults our culture hands us about what it is and how it's supposed to look.

We explore reorienting toward love as an action, a practice, and a capacity for growth—rather than a possession, performance, or obligation.

Resources we mention:

• All About Love by bell hooks — a foundational text reframing love as an ethic and a practice

• The Road Less Traveled — source of the definition of love discussed in the episode

• Joe Hudson — referenced for his approach to truth, grief, and relational integrity

In this episode we explore curiosity as a way of being, as a practice that softens defensiveness, loosens certainty, and reopens the doors your nervous system has been calling “walls.” We talk about how our minds invent “facts” in order to maintain the comfortable illusion of certainty, why being wrong is not a moral failure (it’s freedom), and how curiosity makes conflict, coaching, and real relationship possible.

If you’ve been feeling closed down, reactive, overly serious, or stuck in “I already know,” this conversation is an invitation to come back to play, possibility, and the courage to ask a better question.

In this episode, we pull apart “perfection” from multiple angles: the rigid, human version that freezes us in place, and the spacious, spiritual sense that everything is already perfect as it is. We track how perfectionism shows up as proficiency fatalism (“they’re so good, why should I even try?”), hidden competitiveness (“if I can’t be sure I’ll win, I don’t want to play”), and a deep avoidance of feelings like disappointment and shame.

We talk about perfection as “the anti-try” — the thing that keeps you out of the arena entirely — and contrast it with iteration, play, and being willing to be bad at something (and even be seen being bad at it) on the way to growth. Along the way, we explore growth vs fixed mindset, how confidence is built by surviving failure rather than racking up successes, and how self-kindness turns failures into compost instead of evidence that you’re broken.

We mention a bunch of our favorite people! Joe Hudson, Reverend angel Kyodo williams, Carol Dweck and her book Mindset, among others.

We close with a pair of invitations:

• If perfection is a trap, what would make you feel more free in this moment?

• And if perfection is a myth, what becomes possible when you stop waiting to feel “ready” and let yourself try, fail, learn, and try again?

In this episode, we look under the hood of incentives—the seen and unseen forces that quietly steer our choices. We explore explicit rewards (bonuses, treats, “if I do X I get Y”) and the subtler, socially programmed incentives that keep us car-brained, over-consuming, lonely, and stuck on the individualist treadmill. We talk car culture and walkability, the myth of “more personal freedom = better,” lawnmowers and shared resources, consumerism as “the perfection of slavery,” and how all of this fuels burnout, anxiety, and environmental collapse. Then we bring it back to the personal: how to notice the urges that move you, align your incentives with your real values, and use tiny, intentional “self-tricks” to choose connection, community, and a life that’s good for both the bee and the hive.

Resources mentioned:

Consumerism is the Perfection of Slavery, YouTube lecture by Professor Jiang Xueqin

The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist

Atomic Habits by James Clear

In this episode, we unpack the slippery power of expectations—how they can motivate, manipulate, cheer or demotivate. We tease apart expectations vs. ambitions vs. intentions, explore why unspoken expectations are The Worst, and offer body-based ways to feel the difference between attachment and optimism. From rock-climbing mantras (“climb hard and have fun”) to million-dollar-goal thought experiments, we keep circling one powerful truth: presence, agency, and clear standards beat future-tense attachment every time.

And we leave you with an invitation to explore your relationship to expectations for yourself. For the next two weeks:

1. Notice when an expectation appears.

2. Name it out loud or on paper and get curious about it. Is it spoken? Is it yours?

3. Reframe it to an intention (present, controllable) or an ambition (energizing, values-aligned).

4. Check in with your body: Ask “What does this feel like?” Get to know your body's ways of communicating yes and no.

5. Journal briefly each day to spot patterns and wins.

What if discomfort isn’t something to avoid—but an invitation into expansion, aliveness, and self-trust?

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron dive into the strange, surprising terrain of discomfort—anticipation, dread, exhilaration, growth—and what it means to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. From skydiving and long flights to creative risks and self-talk, we explore why everything you want really is on the other side of some new form of discomfort—and how to cross that threshold with celebration rather than self-punishment.

You’ll hear:

• Why anticipated discomfort is usually worse than the real thing

• How novel discomfort (not familiar pain) is where growth actually happens

• How to reframe dread as excitement and discomfort as aliveness

• Why “experiments” and “mistakes” are the true markers of expansion

• The danger of proficiency fatalism (and how to start anyway)

• Practices for befriending discomfort: movement, reframing, self-encouragement, and awe

We're here to remind you that discomfort doesn’t stand in your way—it just happens to be in front of you.

In this episode, Rosa and Aaron unpack why most “communication” isn’t—yet. We explore trading “How are you?” for openings that spark real connection, explore why “Does that make sense?” falls flat, and share practical moves like reflection and slowing down to speed up. Along the way we touch on self-talk as a performance enhancer, the limits of language, and the courage to keep conversations open, curious, and kind.

We reference Delete Your Defaults favorites Alan Watts and Joe Hudson.