Perfection says you should already be there. Your body, your plate, your life—graded against a shifting standard that never names who is moving the goalposts. I invited therapist Stephanie Hulls to help us untangle that trap and replace it with tools that actually help to rebuild our relationships with food.

We start by drawing a clean line between high standards and perfectionism. High standards align with values and allow growth; perfectionism is rigid, unforgiving, and fueled by "shoulds". When that mindset collides with diet culture’s changing rules—low carb, keto, high protein, “clean”—self-trust takes the hit. Together we examine the double standard many of us live by: kindness for others, criticism for ourselves. Stephanie shows how a trauma-informed lens reframes these patterns as once-useful strategies for safety, connection, and control. They worked then; they may be hurting now.

From there, we get practical. Stephanie breaks down CBT to map the loop between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and shares how small cognitive shifts can open space for different choices at the table. Then we explore EMDR as a way to process “stuck” memories that keep the present fused to the past—like a childhood humiliation that still shapes what you order at dinner. We also rethink “emotional eating,” swap I am for I feel to soften harsh self-talk, practice finding gray in a black-and-white mind, and redefine success as movement toward values, not a pass-fail grade. Expect dropped-spaghetti progress, not a straight line.

If you’re tired of the all-or-nothing script and ready for flexible, compassionate change, this conversation offers reframes you can use today. Listen, try one small shift, and tell us what moved you one inch closer to trust. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs gentler language around food, and leave a review to help more listeners find this work.

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