Most of the bi stories we hear go from straight to bi. Jack’s goes the other way. Jack, 42 and from England, came out as gay at 15 in the late ’90s and lived as a gay man for decades before curiosity about women surfaced in his late 20s and took a heavy toll on his mental health. Sam and Grayson talk with Jack about telling his then-partner and the hurt reaction that followed, being seen as a traitor by parts of the gay community, and how being picked from the audience at a mentalist stage show gave him the confidence to change everything within weeks. Jack also covers his first experiences with women alongside his partner, why being with women makes him feel more masculine, getting turned down on apps for “not enough experience,” finding acceptance in a local kink community, identifying as bi but homoromantic, and his advice for men making the same move.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of past suicidal thoughts and childhood abuse. If you’re struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time (US).

Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Homoflexible
Someone who mostly identifies as gay but is occasionally open to sexual experiences with people of a different gender, without necessarily taking on the bi label.

Glossary

• Heteroflexible: Mostly straight, but occasionally open to sexual experiences with the same sex.
• Androsexual: Attraction to masculinity; Jack’s term for where he lands.
• Homoromantic: Romantic attraction to people of the same gender, which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.

Resources

• Feeld: Dating app built around open, poly, and alternative relationships, which Jack uses to meet couples
• FetLife: Social network for the kink community, where Jack found his local group and its social meetups

Next episode: Staying Monogamous. You’ve realized you’re bi and have same-sex desires, but you want to stay monogamous with your partner. Now what? It pairs well with Episode 4, Telling Your Partner.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

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Alex grew up in the '90s hearing slurs from a father who called the family "warriors," and spent the next three decades unlearning what that did to them. Sam and Grayson talk with Alex about early fantasies that let Alex avoid owning their desires, years of gay panic, a first experience with a high school friend, AOL chat rooms and older men, and ghosting the guys who sparked real feelings. Alex also covers the long road to self-acceptance through therapy, realizing they're non-binary, why pansexual fits on paper but bi is the label that stuck, coming out to their wife more than a decade into the relationship, and later to friends and their teenage kids.

Content note: This episode includes homophobia, shame, and a brief mention of past suicidal thoughts. If you're struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time (US).

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Internalized Biphobia
When a bi person absorbs outside myths and pressure to "pick a side" and turns them inward as shame, self-doubt, self-loathing, or hiding. It can show up as impostor syndrome or downplaying your own bisexuality. Biphobia comes from other people; internalized biphobia comes from you.

Glossary

• Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender.
• Demisexual: Sexual attraction that develops only after an emotional connection.
• Non-binary: A gender identity that isn't exclusively man or woman.

Resources

• Space Between: Explorations of Love, Sex, and Fluidity: Nico Tortorella's memoir, which helped Alex's wife understand after Alex came out
• LGBT National Hotline: Free, confidential peer support for all ages at 888-843-4564 (limited hours)

Next episode: Another guest shares their bi journey.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

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Sam and Grayson count down their favorite bi characters in media, whether or not the show ever said the word. Sam's list leans comedy: Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place), Ava Daniels (Hacks), Paul Baker (Adults), Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), and the vampires of What We Do in the Shadows, led by Laszlo Cravensworth. Grayson's leans geek: Tim Drake from DC Comics, Sara Lance (Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow), Oberyn Martell (Game of Thrones), Angela Montenegro (Bones), and Captain Jack Harkness (Doctor Who and Torchwood), with honorable mentions for Poe Dameron and VisionQuest's Tommy Maximoff. Plus: Grayson takes his friend-with-benefits search to Reddit, Sam weighs a three-hour drive for a match who's very much his type, and the hosts name the fictional men they'd happily get with if only they were bi.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Bi Erasure
The tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or re-explain evidence of bisexuality so people get sorted into gay or straight buckets: it's "just a phase," they're "confused," or it never gets named at all. On screen, it's the character who dates multiple genders and still gets labeled gay or straight, or never gets a label. The hosts point to Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Brittany on Glee.

Glossary

• Queer coding: Signaling that a character is queer through subtext rather than stating it on screen.
• Canon: What the official source material establishes, as opposed to fan interpretation.
• Shipping: Fans rooting for two characters to become a couple, as with Poe and Finn in the Star Wars sequels.
• Omnisexual: Attraction to people of all genders, with gender often noticed as part of the attraction.

Resource mentioned

• Bi.org's Bi Characters list: Profiles of bi characters across TV, film, and comics, including some who were only ever hinted at

Apps and sites mentioned

• Reddit: Local subreddits, where Grayson posted his friend-with-benefits search
• Tinder: Dating app; its as-the-crow-flies distances can mislead in mountainous areas

Next episode: Alex's Bi Journey. Sam and Grayson interview a fellow bi man about his journey.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

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