Most of the bi stories we hear go from straight to bi. Jack’s goes the other way. Jack, 42 and from England, came out as gay at 15 in the late ’90s and lived as a gay man for decades before curiosity about women surfaced in his late 20s and took a heavy toll on his mental health. Sam and Grayson talk with Jack about telling his then-partner and the hurt reaction that followed, being seen as a traitor by parts of the gay community, and how being picked from the audience at a mentalist stage show gave him the confidence to change everything within weeks. Jack also covers his first experiences with women alongside his partner, why being with women makes him feel more masculine, getting turned down on apps for “not enough experience,” finding acceptance in a local kink community, identifying as bi but homoromantic, and his advice for men making the same move.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of past suicidal thoughts and childhood abuse. If you’re struggling, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time (US).

Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Homoflexible
Someone who mostly identifies as gay but is occasionally open to sexual experiences with people of a different gender, without necessarily taking on the bi label.

Glossary

• Heteroflexible: Mostly straight, but occasionally open to sexual experiences with the same sex.
• Androsexual: Attraction to masculinity; Jack’s term for where he lands.
• Homoromantic: Romantic attraction to people of the same gender, which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.

Resources

• Feeld: Dating app built around open, poly, and alternative relationships, which Jack uses to meet couples
• FetLife: Social network for the kink community, where Jack found his local group and its social meetups

Next episode: Staying Monogamous. You’ve realized you’re bi and have same-sex desires, but you want to stay monogamous with your partner. Now what? It pairs well with Episode 4, Telling Your Partner.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

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