In this episode of The Quest for Self, we explore the difference between being seen and being understood, and why it matters more than you might realise.

You might feel like you just want to be noticed, for your looks, your energy, your success, but what you really crave is to be known.

I share a story of being at a DJ set, getting that flash of attention, and then instantly realising the rush of being seen fades fast.

Then I contrast that with a quiet conversation with a friend, where I felt understood for my fears, contradictions, and story and how that moment stuck with me.

We break down how being seen feeds the ego, while being understood feeds the soul; how visibility is temporary and connection is lasting.

You’ll hear how to identify when you’re performing for attention vs when you’re opening for connection, and how to shift from the spotlight to the sunlight.

We walk through four practical moves: acknowledging the pattern, noticing when you’re performing, healing the deeper need for validation, and shifting your focus from getting noticed to truly knowing and being known.

By the end of this episode you’ll have a clearer sense of what you’re really chasing—and how to start choosing connection over validation.

Because when you stop needing to be seen and start seeking to be understood, everything changes.

And your relationships, with yourself and others, finally get to feel like more than a spotlight moment: they become a steady, warming presence.