STEP RIGHT UP FOLKS FOR EPISODE 131 OF BEAT AROUND THE BENCH

Thats right ladies and gentlemen we got your hosts Jess Colton and Ross serving up the finest woodworking podcast this side of the Mississippi and theyre diving deep into Osage orange wood like you never heard before. Blue Osage Cult baby because nothing says rock and roll like dense hardwood that weighs more than your anvil.

You want vegetables with that? Course you do. These boys are talking broccoli preparation brussels sprouts cooked in bacon grease with pancetta and balsamic glaze sweet potatoes done up right and grilled asparagus that pairs perfect with a thick steak. Pro tip right here folks soak them brussels sprouts in cold salt water first gets rid of all that bitterness. Hot honey red pepper flakes lemon butter you name it theyre covering it all while the saw dust flies.

But wait theres more. Jess is building drawers for his big cabinet project using hand tools because sometimes you just gotta feel that wood under your fingers. Coltons got himself a Veritas dovetail saw and hes singing its praises louder than a Saturday night gospel choir. Tool reviews dont get better than this woodworking friends.

Now heres where it gets wild. Osage orange wood discussion that goes on longer than a Thanksgiving dinner argument. This woods got more nicknames than a career criminal hedge apple bodark monkey brain horse apple you name it. Native to Texas Arkansas Oklahoma but now its growing everywhere from New York to Nebraska. The wood itself is orange as a sunset denser than a brick harder than saying no to free pizza and itll dull your tools faster than you can say Blue Oyster Cult.

They talk sourcing this legendary lumber where to find it how to work it why your planer blades are crying. Jess shares his Osage experience Colton drops knowledge about wood movement and Ross keeps the whole show rolling smoother than a freshly waxed table saw top.

You get shop safety nuggets too because nearly getting brained by falling PVC dust collection pipes aint no joke. Ross almost caught his death when his dust collection system decided gravity was still a thing. The fix? Drive screws through those PVC joints folks. Tape aint enough when you got ten feet of six inch pipe hanging over your dome.

Dust collection talk runs deep with tips on magnets to catch metal shavings before they spark up your whole operation static electricity problems and the eternal struggle of keeping that shop air clean while youre making fine furniture.

Workshop wisdom flows like cheap beer at a county fair. Take your time on joinery layout. Check your dust collection rigging regular. Ground your system if the static is driving you bonkers. Get yourself a Sams Club MasterCard for that 5 percent cash back on gas if youre hauling lumber around.

Tool talk includes Rockler boom arms for dust collection benchtop planers that sound like angry hornets festool products that cost more than some folks cars and the eternal debate about which tools are worth the investment versus which ones are just pretty to look at in the catalog.

These three woodworkers keep it real keep it funny and keep the knowledge flowing faster than sawdust through a cyclone separator. From vegetable cooking tips to exotic hardwood properties from hand tool techniques to power tool reviews its all here in one spectacular episode.

The chemistry between hosts is tighter than a well cut dovetail joint. They joke they teach they share war stories from the workshop trenches and they remind everyone that woodworking is supposed to be fun even when youre wrestling with wood that fights back harder than Osage orange on a bad day.

So tune in subscribe share it with your woodworking buddies and whatever you do dont fear the reaper when that Osage orange dust starts flying. This is Beat Around the Bench Episode 131 where the wood is hard the laughs are easy and the knowledge is free for the taking.

Episode 130 Barenaked Larch - A Critical Review

★★★★½

What a remarkable evening at the podcast theater! This latest production from the Beat Around the Bench ensemble masterfully blends botanical education with culinary discourse while maintaining an absurdist comedy undercurrent that would make Beckett weep into his sawdust.

The opening act establishes dramatic tension with a philosophical inquiry into larch itself, revealing it as a deciduous conifer that bears cones yet sheds its needles in autumn. When Jess delivers his deadpan observation that his toenails do that sometimes, we enter a surrealist landscape where arboreal discourse and podiatric confessions occupy the same philosophical plane.

Colton's avant-garde performance piece involving sweet potato coins, smash burgers and burger sauce on tortillas represents culinary rebellion against conventional wrapping methodology. His monologue about toasting the burrito itself on the griddle demonstrates a character who dares to ask what if the vessel itself could be transformed. Revolutionary theater at its finest.

The centerpiece is Ross's extended soliloquy on the Milwaukee cordless paint sprayer, a meditation on technology and man's relationship with his tools. His passionate discourse on belt-mounted reservoirs and battery technology transforms product placement into Shakespearean examination. When he laments cleaning nozzles, we feel Sisyphus pushing his boulder as paint residue clogs the mechanism of progress.

The Survivor Trees segment elevates the production to operatic heights. Jess's narration of the Callery pear surviving September 11th rubble transcends historical recitation, becoming a meditation on resilience and nature's indomitable spirit. His restrained yet powerful performance guides us through the emotional landscape with a master storyteller's steady hand.

The Dragon Blood Trees finale contemplates umbrella-shaped Socotra flora that exude crimson resin and practice passive water harvesting through fog capture. The technical dialogue about resin saturation demonstrates botanical accuracy that makes serious dramaturgs swoon.

Minor quibbles prevent five stars, the pacing occasionally meanders and extended technological silences could benefit from musical underscoring. Yet these are trifling concerns in an otherwise tour de force. The ensemble chemistry crackles with authentic camaraderie as Jess narrates, Ross philosophizes and Colton provides comic relief without descending into buffoonery.

In conclusion, Barenaked Larch represents everything we expect from these players, intellectual rigor wrapped in conversational ease, technical expertise without condescension and abiding love for woodworking and ancient trees. Essential listening for anyone who appreciates performance art asking big questions like can tortillas contain all things and is fifteen hundred dollars too much for a cordless paint sprayer.

The answer is decidedly complex, much like the larch itself.

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In a world where Staceys mom has got it going on and one hit wonders reign supreme the crew unleashes the ultimate debate about fake bands that never existed but rocked harder than reality itself from Matt Damons legendary Euro Trip performance of Scotty Doesnt Know to Tom Hanks timeless That Thing You Do these fictional musicians changed the game forever

Three men face their greatest challenge yet choosing their favorite pasta as Colton demands the heat with spicy Cajun linguine loaded with fat noodles while Ross drops culinary wisdom bombs about cacio de pepe the Italian street food legend made with Parmesan pepper and the mysterious power of pasta water that binds it all together

But nothing could prepare them for what came next as Jess reveals the gnocchi paradox where balls of potato meet lakes of heavy cream creating the most dangerously delicious carb bomb known to mankind with two to three cups of cream packing enough calories to power a small nation yet tasting like heaven itself

When the conversation turns dark the guys uncover the shocking truth about mac and cheese the American classic pasta that cannot be denied and Jess confesses his downfall is pasta in all forms whether fettuccine spaghetti or that legendary steak gorgonzola creation with rare beef that haunts his dreams

Then the ultimate plant trivia showdown explodes as Ross delivers mind blowing facts about the indestructible Ginkgo tree that survived ground zero of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima withstanding 300000 degrees Celsius when the surface of the sun only reaches 6000 degrees proving this ancient species laughs in the face of nuclear annihilation

The legends continue with tales of the Sycamore Gap tree from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves standing for centuries in England until vandals nearly destroyed it two years ago threatening a landmark that witnessed history itself and the mysterious Methuselah bristlecone pine hidden somewhere in California whose location is kept secret to protect the oldest living organism on Earth

Witness the revelation that General Sherman the giant sequoia was once believed to be the oldest tree alive until scientists discovered an even more ancient survivor and decided humanity cannot be trusted with GPS coordinates because people ruin everything beautiful

The tension builds as the crew explores heart rot fungal infections and the brutal reality of compartmentalization where trees wage silent wars against disease building barriers within themselves to survive the centuries while lesser organisms perish in seasons

But the biggest mystery remains unanswered as they discuss parthogenesis cambia dormancy cycles and the eternal question of why horse chestnuts exist when crabapples are already a thing and whether trees remember the ice age through their cellular memory passed down through millennia

Coming this week to your podcast feed where the pasta flows freely the trees are immortal and Staceys mom still has it going on this is Beat Around the Bench Episode 129 where woodworking meets ancient botanical warfare and nobody leaves without learning something they never knew they needed to know