SHITSHOW SATURDAY #118 - Sam B.

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The voice beating you up, the shame absorbing it, the part that doesn't want you to feel it — that's the triangle you're trapped in.

Jessica Fern is a certified clinical trauma therapist, David Cooley is a restorative justice practitioner, and together they co-authored Polywise. In their most recent book, Transforming the Shame Triangle, they take Karpman's classic drama triangle and flip it inward to capture the inner dynamic that keeps trauma survivors stuck. Through a parts work lens, they show how to work with the inner critic, shame, and escaper to find true healing.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️How the Shame Triangle Starts — Why the cycle almost always kicks off with the inner critic firing first, even when what you notice is the escape behavior.

▪️The Critic That's Still in the Room — Why people with parents, partners, or bosses actively criticizing them often feel pure shame instead of a strong inner voice.

▪️The Hidden Shame of Under-Functioning — Why being the "lazy" one carries a layer of self-judgment that over-functioners never have to face

▪️ The Symptoms That Aren't the Problem — Why the behaviors that get you diagnosed (perfecting, numbing, raging, zoning) are downstream of the part actually driving the cycle.

▪️ Inner Critic to Inner Coach — What it actually takes to transform the voice tearing you down into something on your side

▪️ Impact vs. Wrongdoing — Why telling a part of you "you wronged me" keeps the cycle alive, and the restorative justice reframe that breaks it.

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 101 | The Neuroscience of Toxic Shame w/ Robyn Gobbel

▪️ Ep 137 | Healing The Inner Child Through Parts Work w/ Michelle Chalfant

▪️ Ep 215 | Repeat or Recover w/ Dr. Tian Dayton: The Cost of Relational Trauma

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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SPONSORS

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The most painful rock bottoms don't come from a relationship with a substance. They come from a relationship with a person.

David Deane Haskel is an author of several fiction books, with his most recent being the memoir Wounded Angels. After losing his mother to suicide at the age of four, he spent the rest of his childhood navigating chaos at home and at school, while never feeling like he fit in. After finally finding sobriety, it was a codependent relationship that took him to new depths of pain and allowed him to embark on a journey to heal his unresolved trauma.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Hitting a Codependency Bottom — Why a codependent relationship hijacks the nervous system like a substance

▪️ Why Trauma Surfaces in Sobriety — Why most addictions function as a way to regulate unresolved trauma, and why removing the substance forces that trauma to the surface.

▪️ The Narcissistic Discard — Why a sudden, unilateral cutoff by someone you trusted reactivates the original abandonment wound in ways no other rupture can.

▪️ The Unique Attachment Wound of Losing a Parent in Childhood — How losing a parent to death or childhood in childhood creates an imprint no other loss does

▪️ The Repetition Compulsion of the Scapegoat — How scapegoats keep recreating the family system they grew up in by choosing partners who avoid accountability.

▪️ The Childhood Origins of Shame Attacks — How a single moment of overwhelming shame can lock the body into the same response for decades.

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ 201: Trauma-Bonded No More — My Journey Through Shame, Regression & Finding My Way Back

▪️Ep 56 — The Truth About Codependency: It’s Not Empathy, It’s Survival w/ Dr. Sarah Michaud

▪️Ep 158 - Stop People-Pleasing & Find Your Power w/ Hailey Magee

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Time4Learning: https://www.time4learning.com

Your childhood taught you good things don't last. Your body still believes it.

Jeannine Rashidi is a TEDx speaker and bestselling author of Abundance Beyond Trauma —and her work on why we can't feel joy after a hard childhood is built on a story she lived first. With an ACE score of 10 out of 10, three marriages, and decades of confusing chaos for love, she eventually realized her nervous system had been waiting for the other shoe to drop her entire life. This is a conversation about what happens in the body when good things arrive, and why it takes so long to learn how to let them stay.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Why Dysfunctional Childhoods Block Your Capacity to Feel Good — How growing up around chaos doesn't just hurt you, it wires a nervous system that filters joy out before you can register it.

▪️ Why You Don't Feel Worthy of Joy — The quiet belief underneath the bracing that says good things belong to other people, and where that belief actually gets installed.

▪️ Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop — Why a nervous system that learned good things end becomes incapable of receiving good things, even when nothing's actually wrong.

▪️ When Anger Suppresses, the Body Expresses — Why the rage you don't get to feel finds another way out, and what's actually waiting underneath it asking to be heard.

▪️ Is It Your Gut or Is It Your Trauma — How to tell the difference between real intuition and a fear response when both feel exactly like a hunch.

Abundance Beyond Trauma: The Joyful Unfolding Journey

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 84 — Abundance Beyond Trauma w/ Jeannine Rashidi

▪️Ep 173 — Secret Language of the Body: Somatic Healing w/ Karden Rabin

▪️Ep 119 — Why Nothing's F*cking Wrong With You w/ Ana Del Castillo

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

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SPONSORS

Check out Time4Learning: https://www.time4learning.com

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Time4Learning: https://www.time4learning.com

The moment you finally see a parent clearly is the moment the grief begins.

Taylor Pearl is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and survivors of narcissistic abuse. She grew up as the golden child to her brother's scapegoat in a controlling, image-obsessed home with a narcissistic father. This episode is about what the good daughter has to grieve when she finally stops playing the part: the father she thought she had, the role that kept her loved, and the self she's been rebuilding ever since.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ The Golden Child's Specific Grief — Why leaving the parent who "chose" you carries a grief the scapegoat doesn't have to carry.

▪️ The Identified Patient vs. the Narcissistic Scapegoat — The difference between being told "there's something pathologically wrong with you" and being told "you are inherently bad."

▪️The Grief of Going No Contact — What actually follows cutting off a parent: the relief, the regression, and the grief that doesn't end on any timeline.

▪️ The Sibling You Lose When You Heal — Why your closest sibling bonds often crumble the moment you stop playing your role, and why siblings still stuck in the dysfunction can experience your healing as betrayal.

▪️ What Real Repair With a Parent Requires — What a parent actually has to acknowledge for the relationship to rebuild, and what it means when they can't.

Taylor's IG

Taylor TikTok

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 125 | Healing From Toxic & Narcissistic Parents w/ Jerry Wise

▪️Ep 123 | Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents w/ Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

▪️Ep 153 | When Shame Becomes Our Identity: Toxic Shame & Scapegoat Abuse

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Time4Learning: https://www.time4learning.com